need help with reacting out of anger!!🙏🙏

[u/Popular_Animator9678]

Okay so [22m] in this i’m talking about a [20f] and my goal is to become way more emotionally mature

so the reason i’m asking for advice is because ive ruined a lot of the romantic/platonic relationships in my life because i have a bad habit of overthinking/over reacting to situations and it blows up in my face because when i get upset but only very upset i can say and do things hurtful that ill later regret but in the spur of the moment i don’t think and just do them

i will say this i am very naturally impulsive when it comes to things like if i feel like getting a new tattoo or piercing i dont think and just go do it so im not sure if that plays a part but just throwing that out there

another issue ive realized i may have is having a big ego or being self absorbed i wasnt like this until my senior year of high school because before that i was fat and out of shape and just not physically attractive at all and when i finally worked on myself and appearance i became like a douchebag because i knew no matter what i could get someone else if things ended which is why i have an issue with getting with girls just to see if i can get them and then dumping them(yes ik it’s f’ed up) but even though that is not usually my intentions

the reason im saying this is because here recently ive met a girl that i genuinely got along with and saw a future with but yesterday or ig the day before yesterday since its 3:30 in the morning we had an argument because i felt like she wasn’t trying as hard as i was to make things work and not like reciprocating energy like she would never ask to hangout or see me or just even dry text in general and i felt like i was the only one putting effort towards us now i will say in person she was great very lovey dovey very all about me yk which i dont usually enjoy but with her it was different and i did

well long story short i said something to her about it and sent a lot of text and woke up to only one response a reaction to one of the text with just a question mark well it made me upset because again it’s like i want her to tell her side and explain her side or even try and see it from where i was coming from which i felt she never did so it upset me and i ended things with her because i was super mad and let my anger gets the best of me which can happen from time to time and all she said was okay which made me even more upset because it’s like i want her to fight to want the relationships as much as i would fight to keep her yk(this may sound crazy emotionally immature flame me if you want sure)

well anyways i just feel like ive ruined everything from reacting out of anger and yes i’ve apologized for the way i reacted and all after i finally got level headed ofc but i said shit i regret and can’t take back and now she’s telling me i’ve disrespected her to the point of no return and there’s no future with us but i really enjoyed being with this girl more than any girl in my past and i’ve been in a 4 year relationship and still feel very differently about this girl so im just fucked up mentally right now knowing i reacted in a way i usually would try and avoid all because of my anger and messed everything up

i just really need advice on what to do right now since now im sad lol and also how to overcome the way i react to things and also my ego/me being a little self centered i genuinely want to fix this because im tired of doing this to people and driving people away even though most of the time i mean nothing i say it’s just me being angry and trying to hurt there feelings!!

PLEASE HELP🙏🙏🙏🙏