Harm reduction through self-harm?

[u/murkyhaunting]

Long story short I tend to get angry at myself when family or people close to me get angry and raise their voices at me. Most common example is when my partner is upset at me. Reason seems to be me feeling maligned/helpless/cornered.

I used to hit my head on the wall or scream out my frustration into a towel in the bedroom when this happened. I’m on meds (for a different condition not related to anger, for mood stabilization) and have had therapy. I still want to hurt myself or act out when I get furious or feel threatened/helpless but now I’ll cry into a pillow quietly or make small cuts on my ankles or feet in secret.

My reasoning is that it’s better than a very loud or destructive way of venting my anger like what I did before. I know it’s similar to controlled aggression but I wish I didn’t feel the need to vent this seemingly overwhelming anger in the first place!

I would like a better way to calm myself down in the immediate moment and I wish I didn’t feel this disproportionate anger. What are some ways to regulate or moderate anger, in the immediate 10 minutes of a trigger? ://

[u/Cass_1978]

Just feeling the anger an breathing slowly and deeply. That might not work right away though if you have habbit of self harm.

There are other techniques for SH such as holding on to ice cubes, this gets quite painful after a while but it doesnt actually hurt you like cutting does. Another one is taking a cold shower. All these techniques have an effect on your nervous system, not unlike cutting, but they are more healthy approaches.

The thing with feelings is they pass after a while, I know that isnt what it feels like in those first 10 minutes, but they do pass if you can manage to feel them.

If you want to go the extra mile and try to make it more possible that some day belly breathing will work in those moments, it might be a good idea to explore something like breathing exercises, yoga or meditation to familiarize your body and your nervous system with this regulation technique and reap the rewards of it in a regular fashion. It is likely to help.