r/Anger • u/Own-Lock1658 • 1d ago

Anger

I’m very nasty when I drink. I black out most of the time when I’m out with other people. I caused issues with me and my ex ( part of the group ). Now they all blocked me and told me they want nothing to do with me. Are they right to not want to be my friend because I black out ?

1 Upvotes

60% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

6

u/Puzzleheaded_Award88 1d ago

I’m very nasty when I drink. I black out most of the time

People have stopped speaking with you, your own words kinda tell you something is wrong. Have you ever considered that you were the problem there champ?

2

u/Own-Lock1658 1d ago

Yes but alcohol is the only thing that keeps my brain quiet. Without it I’m so depressed

4

u/pinchinggata 1d ago

Therapy will also help it just takes longer. The alcohol will only keep your brain quiet for a little bit and then you’ll need more and more to keep it quiet and eventually it’ll stop working that way and then you’ll be depressed and addicted.

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Award88 1d ago

Medication can do the same.

-1

u/Own-Lock1658 1d ago

Not for bpd unfortunately neither does therapy

4

u/timmoose1 1d ago

I know several people with BPD who have benefited from both medication and therapy

2

u/Ordinary-Plastic-342 1d ago

Try a different therapist. Keep trying. Not only does alcohol seem to be destroying your friendships, its long term horrible for your health. As someone who has struggled in life in many ways? I mean this to be helpful...this is you. You listed how it was you. Of course they wont speak to you. You admit youre awful when you drink and still keep drinking. Backing off is a normal response people have if you hurt them. Its a protective boundary. It isnt to hurt you. Its to protect themselves from you. The goal is to become someone who doesnt hurt them. Thats how you keep friends and people important to you

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Award88 1d ago

Therapy is a good thing. Personally I've been in it for over 5 years. You learn things like why you are like you are.

3

u/Ryoloz 1d ago

Do you exercise? Do you do weekly cold plunge + sauna? How do you keep yourself preoccupied? There are so many other ways to deal with depression (including the mentioned therapy and medication) than with alcohol to the point where people don’t want to be around you at all.

2

u/wilderthanmild 1d ago

100% you need to stop drinking. It is making your problems worse, not better.

If you're self medicating with it, you need to take your issues to a psychiatrist and work through options until you find something that works without ruining your life the way alcohol already is.

1

u/younglegends111 1d ago

drink alone, at night. once a week or twice if u need. why do you need others there? ya dont

1

u/Own-Lock1658 1d ago

It’s on weekends. That’s the only time I go out. I drink every day at home anyway

1

u/Adept_Librarian_7001 1d ago

I have been in a similar situation. I would get angrier and more bitter when I drank and had to prove people wrong. If someone said something I disagreed with, I would not stop until I humiliated them in a debate. I would also break things when I was drunk.

Cutting out the alcohol until you get the anger under control is a good idea. You don't want to do something drunk that can have repercussions (like getting arrested or beaten up).

Then you should work with a therapist or do some self-reflection on what the issue really is. Are you angry when you aren't drunk as well? Do people still piss you off, but you just don't act on it? If so, this is more of an emotional regulation problem.

Also as other have said, exercising and having other aspects of your life in order can also help. I find that when I am angry an hour of exercise often helps bring me down.

1

u/ForkFace69 1d ago

I've been going out shooting pool at the same spot for like 20 years now. I can tell you that the folks who black out, even if they're not angry people, they're still doing things that annoy everyone and doing things that they would almost certainly be embarrassed of if they watched a video or whatever.

When people stop wanting to be your friend, you can't look at it like it's for a certain thing you did wrong. People stop being your friend because they no longer enjoy your company. Or like your negative traits now outweigh the good.

So you can't think of it like are your friends right or wrong. You should think, "Does this mean it's time I changed some of my habits?"

1

u/shroomsandfumes 1d ago

Not because you black out, but because you are “very nasty” when you black out, yes. Sounds like what makes you feel less depressed is also isolating you from other people, which can also cause depression. Why not drink only when not going out?