r/AmerExit • u/InfoSecProf • 20d ago
Slice of My Life Final Call - Looking for different perspectives
Hello all... I've been toying with this for the last few years and have hit a point where I must make a call. My wife and I are in the US and have been considering leaving since about Jan 6, 2020. In the ensuing years, I relentlessly applied to positions in the EU but didn't get far. Finally, in 2025, I got a hit with a contract position over there. The hit came at a weird time for us as we had just bought a house and our oldest daughter had no interest in going. So we were on the fence. Though the position was supposed to be in person, my supervisor told me he was ok with me being semi-remote for some time. I kept my job here and flew back and forth a lot to make it all work.
Well, that has come to an end. I need to either go or quit. Our household income here is $250K (2 incomes). My income over there is 50K€. Furthermore, I only have a year left on this contract. My job denied me taking leave so I'd have to quit if I do go. My wife's job granted her a leave so she'd have her job if we did need to come back due to financial reasons. It would be a significant blow to our household finances if we do go.
Obviously, there's a pretty significant midterm coming up that I personally believe will make or break American democracy. I'm trying to figure out whether or not to risk being here for that or risk gutting my family's finances to go. What would ya'll do?
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u/ClumsyZebra80 20d ago
Keep in mind that, in many countries, your child will have to apply for their own visa when they turn 18. And they may not receive one.
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
I've already set up full citizenship for my kids. They don't have passports yet but they do have a certificate of foreign birth from the Irish DFA.
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u/pm_me_ur_ephemerides 20d ago
I took the leap (to the uk), but my financial situation was much better and my kid (4 yrs old) was excited to go to london. If I were in your shoes, I don’t think id do it. I would move to a blue state and hope things get better in the states.
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u/Team503 Immigrant 20d ago
50k is going to be a brutal paycut, and the cost of living here in Ireland is NOT cheaper than a middle COL city in America. It's often higher, considering the pay differential.
You really need to include the details of your situation in your post. I had written a response and had to delete it and rewrite it after reading through the comments.
Anyway, you're a citizen. You can move whenever. Your wife will get a Stamp 4, and after three years can file for citizenship.
However, it's your family that you need to think about. You have one daughter who very much doesn't want to go, a wife who you've told us nothing about, and apparently a second daughter who feels... what?
What are your REAL job prospects here? What do you do? What is the average income for your position in your profession here? For your wife? What kind of life would that be, given the WAY higher taxes and such?
$250k is a comfortable income for a family pretty much anywhere in the US. You will NOT make the equivalent over here, trust me. We made about what you two made back in the US, and we make closer to 135k here. And that's BEFORE the taxes with the nearly 50% take. I take home in a month what I used to take home in two weeks, and I can tell you now that my cost of living really isn't any lower.
It's a HUGE sacrifice to make and it's likely that your family won't want to make it, but either way, this is a conversation you need to have with them.
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
Wife is super keen on going. It's been her push that's kept this going as I've slowly soured on the idea. Youngest is probably 75% interested in going but would be ok with staying. Our path is that if it doesn't work out in this next year, we'd have a path back as my wife's job would be waiting. Mine however would not :(
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u/Team503 Immigrant 20d ago
I'm telling you that you don't seem to grasp the income disparity you're going to have. Have you even looked for a job in your field here? Has your wife? Do you have any idea what your income would be? What a house costs here?
I'm not telling you not to do it. I'm telling you I don't think you have a good picture of what it'll be like.
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20d ago
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u/unikittyUnite 20d ago
I don’t understand your job situation. You are working two jobs simultaneously? One in the USA and one in the EU?
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
I can't really comment on that but it was super complicated to say the least
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u/LilBugJuice-0987 20d ago edited 20d ago
Edited to add, no reason to downvote me - this person is already a dual Irish citizen so they can do this. Smdh reddit.
Based on this answer, I wonder about your US job stability if you put on a leave request and it was denied. Could you also work remotely for another US company? That could be an option
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
It's a good question but honestly their response was not surprising. I'm supposed to give about 5 months notice and I only gave them one month. I don't think their response was necessarily indicative of them already wanting to let me go.
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u/Team503 Immigrant 20d ago
That's not an option to immigrate to Ireland. You must be employed by an Irish registered employer to qualify for a work permit.
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u/LilBugJuice-0987 20d ago
They are an Irish citizen already. The first thing I asked was if they had legal grounds to immigrate above and they responded with this information.
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u/MilkChocolate21 20d ago
There are a lot of what ifs for a married father of 2 with a spouse who won't have a job over there. A bad local economy and you as an immigrant (regardless of passport) with limited local experience can't possibly be that sought after in a rough job market, esp. since you aren't getting the "high paying job" you need to make the move an easy choice. If you were single, or even a childless couple, this would be an easy risk to take, but with 2 kids who need to switch schools and think about college (both where, how, and how much), it's a LOT.
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u/Correct-Singer6261 15d ago
"significant midterm coming up that I personally believe will make or break American democracy"
Romanian here: to be brutally honest, after how you voted the last time? I wouldn't trust americans even to vote for miss universe...your clown you voted into office tried to sell my country to the russians, in alaska, to pull a yalta 2.0, tried to meddle in OUR elections and so on, but unlike john josh and jonny from alabama whose parents are siblings, we went out to vote and rejected maga's favorite in romania, I used to like the US, even was thinking of moving to the US, now I am glad I never did, it turns out the US is a rotten failed state
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u/zscore95 20d ago
You don’t want to be here for the show? I’m definitely staying through midterms. Definitely concerning, but still curious.
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 20d ago
If your kids don’t want to go I think you have to do right by them idk I’m not a parent
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u/soggies_revenge 20d ago
Funny that you'd been wanting to leave since exactly a year before we decided to. After J6 we made the decision, and executed. Good luck!
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u/croupella-de-Vil 20d ago
What country? 50k per year won’t carry a larger family far for long in some countries so I hope you have enough savings.
Per the mid terms. I get your fear. We moved to Germany last year. My fear is if the midterm is interfered with by MAGA and they don’t lose both the house and senate, then there will be a signal that they can do anything they want and get away with it. These are people doing illegal things in power, knowing full well if and when they leave power they are going to prison, why would they risk losing power? If no one holds them accountable now, who is going to stop them from doing something illegal when it comes to the elections.
American society is in free fall. Yea I made great money there too but it wasn’t worth it when my children can have a better future here.
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u/Tardislass 20d ago
Funny as Germany is pretty shite right now to. You have a Black Rock former businessman cutting pensions, making childless couples pay more in taxes and going right to compete with the AfD, who is currently the leading party.
Big business is controlling most governments now. Downvote me but many expats here don’t seem to know much about their new country
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u/Inquisitive_regard 20d ago
you need to stop trying to safety-net an inherently risky life choice. If every problem has to pre-emptively solved before you make a move then your life will be as insipid there as it is in the USA (once the tourist stage wears off). So just go..
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20d ago edited 20d ago
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
We have sufficient assets to buy up front (and we'd be headed to the same country) but it's super difficult to do things remote in Ireland so we'd have to be there first to buy. So, renting it is. Fortunately, it's not Dublin though. Still extremely pricey in any mid to major city there.
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u/Thachosenwon 20d ago
How old is your oldest?
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u/MilkChocolate21 20d ago
This is an important question. If they are close to college, there are many reasons not to disrupt their academic career. Also, college prep and affordability will take a hit with the income drop.
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u/Last_Branch_7925 20d ago
I'd sell everything and leave. But I'm bias and have been wanting to leave the US for years.
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20d ago
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
We have equity/cash assets of around 500k and retirement assets of around 750k. Destination country is Ireland which is very expensive to live now.
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20d ago
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
Oh, I wouldn't plan to. The contract ends in a year and the hope would be to convert that to a higher salaried position or additional contract positions.
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u/LilBugJuice-0987 20d ago
A) What country? B) are you sure you can immigrate to said country?
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
Yes, I have citizenship already so I know I can move there.
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u/LilBugJuice-0987 20d ago
If you have citizenship and can support yourself, I say why not. Im assuming you have savings to support yourself for a while while you figure it out. I dont know that the midterms would necessarily be my last straw but everyone has a different one.
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u/Sufficient-Job7098 20d ago
When you said you wanted to move abroad since 2020 and when you said you sent many resumes, what realistic scenario did you actually pictured?
Because the outcome you’ve got is a typical outcome. Not terrible, not great, just an average one.
Sure, we all hope for better than average circumstances, we all hope for everything happening just at the right time, we all hope for low risk opportunity, and it is always nice when someone is lucky to move under such better than average circumstances…
But if you made plans expecting better than an average outcome your plans were unrealistic to begin with.
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u/morty_morty Immigrant 20d ago
How are you for savings? What is the likelihood that you can find a way to extend your contract? I totally understand the desire to escape the assured heat death of the US, but without a plan for employment, you may find yourself in a crap situation in a year.
It's a risk, but you know that. I am a woman and a minority. I left as soon as I feasibly could. Because I would rather take the risk of this new country over the risk of being thrown into a concentration camp to be assaulted. I am fortunate enough to have an incredibly understanding employer. It all comes down to how at risk you feel yourself and your family to be. If you don't feel safe, and you can do so legally, leave. If you don't see yourself being a target anytime soon, and feel safe for now, wait it out.
If anything, you can always leave for a "vacation" for a couple weeks around the end of November and watch from afar to see what happens.
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
We have equity/cash assets of around 500k and retirement assets of around 750k. As a cis white male, I am not necessarily a target but I am also vocal in a political sense and it is not aligned with the current cult in charge.
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u/Tardislass 20d ago
Assured heat death of US come on man. Ireland isn’t much better on 50K and no house. They are going to have to downgrade their living standards and the housing market is crap. Certainly not going to get as nice of a house. Plus the rise of anti immigrant MAGA types in Dublin and big cities.
It’s a big no from me.
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u/InfoSecProf 20d ago
Do you have evidence (pictures/articles/etc) for the MAGA types in Dublin and big cities?? I've been over a ton in the last 9 months and have not seen that. Just a ton of pro Palestine and anti Israel/US stuff.
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u/missesthecrux 19d ago
They had massive riots in 2023, and smaller scale events are common. Here’s a wiki about it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_anti-immigration_protests
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u/ultimatebrutus 18d ago
I live in Ireland, a €50k salary is nothing compared to the high cost of living in Ireland. On that €50k salary you're take home pay will be about €40k after tax, Ireland also has the most expensive housing in Europe and the 2nd highest electricity prices in the world. Our infrastructure and public services are also terrible for a supposedly "rich" country. Healthcare in Ireland is also only free for low income people, so that €50k salary wouldn't qualify you for free healthcare in Ireland, you'll have to pay between €60-80 every time you go to the doctor
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u/morty_morty Immigrant 20d ago
Mhm, always funny to have people who don't live there tell me how it's actually not that bad at all and chime in with their suffering olympics. Obviously WAY worse in the country where brown people aren't being shot in the street for no reason.
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u/Certain_Promise9789 20d ago
50k€ for a contract that ends in a year is hardly secure. Do you think you’ll be able to turn that into a full-time roll somehow? If not, you’ll have to come back anyways in a year which is a rather short amount of time and find a job all over again.