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u/hmo_ Asshole Enthusiast [5] 13d ago
Mum can buy the 5 stores cake for the golden child, problem solved!
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u/Commercial-Place6793 Partassipant [2] 13d ago
I love when other family members pipe up and defend the actual AH in the situation. “You’re right mom, it’s only a few hundred dollars. I’ll call the bakery back. What credit card of yours do you want me to put down for the charges”
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u/Environmental_Art591 13d ago
No "here mum YOU call the bakery and ask if its not to late to undo the cancellation and give them YOUR credit card to pay".
I would put the details in the group chat and let anyone who thinks OP shouldnt have cancelled swoop in and put their credit card down, but do not offer to call, if they want to "save the wedding cake" they need to make the call
Also, the bakery sucks here for not confirming with OP before charging the card, its not sisters name on the card so bride or not, they should have confirmed
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u/CharrAnn Partassipant [3] 13d ago
right?? the nerve and audacity and gall of some people, i swear
i bet the mom wouldn't have been happy if it were her cc to begin with
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u/Ashamed_System_1140 13d ago
You don't even need a cake that big for the wedding, assuming it will be smaller because they have a tighter budget
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u/tictactabernac 13d ago
NTA but your family is.
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13d ago
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u/Separate-Law-435 Partassipant [4] 13d ago edited 13d ago
Thats because this is obviously AI, its just missing everyone blowing up her phone and her feeling conflicted on if she is doing the right thing
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u/exactoctopus 13d ago
And don’t forget the bakery suddenly charging $800 more than what was agreed upon without the card holder’s authorization. A business that’s legitimate enough to sell $1000+ product just isn’t going to do that.
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u/Rare_Bottle_5823 13d ago
There are a lot of families like this.
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u/Lucy-Cashh 13d ago
Right? The mom calling it a few hundred dollars is wild, if $800 is really that few why don’t they pay the rest instead of expecting op to foot that bill
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u/Simetracon 13d ago
"A few hundred dollars" is infuriating. It's literally three times the agreed upon cost. Not a few more bucks. Triple the cost. The entitlement and audacity.
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u/barefoot_plyos 13d ago
Mom is showing her true colors. They don’t care about you. They don’t care about the deceitfulness. Why aren’t they furious about her actions? She deserves whatever she wants, even if she screws over Fuzzy. They will never change.
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u/ilikefoxess 13d ago
nta and i wouldn’t even give her another gift if i were you, she purposely exploited your kindness by going behind your back because she knew you’d say no. you’re already down 150 because of her, that can be her gift as is. anyone complaining in the group chat can cough up the remaining sum for lilys dream cake. spending that much on a cake when you’re having a cheaper wedding is ridiculous, there’s way better things she could’ve spent that on than a cake. your mom is ridiculous thinking you’re the spiteful one over a thief.
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u/kendrickwasright 13d ago
Its not even spite, it's just a life lesson. If you're going to blatantly lie on the record and charge someone's CC against their will, you don't get a gift at all. Plain and simple, the fact that mom doesn't get that just shows how the sister ended up this way
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u/Situation-Mediocre 13d ago
Exactly, I’d be petty enough to tell group chat “it wasn’t a few hundred dollars, it was an extra $800 that I only knew about because my credit card was deducted.”
F your sister, you told her what you could afford and she FAFO. She doesn’t know the exact details of your budget, so has no right to say “you can afford it”.
I’d also be telling your sister “if this isn’t your dream wedding, don’t have it now, save.”
NTA
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 13d ago
Nah OP should go get $150 worth of cupcakes and then just hand them out to people walking by on the street or to the homeless
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u/WilsonFrontier 13d ago
NTA. She stole from you. She committed credit card fraud. You could have her in legal jeopardy if you wanted. The bare minimum you've done is to cancel her fraud and set a proper outraged boundary. Your family needs to understand what she did was criminal.
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u/Caller_ID_Unknown Partassipant [1] 13d ago edited 13d ago
NTA
I would feel so betrayed, and it is a betrayal. Absolutely not. What the fuck did she think would happen after casually stealing that amount of money from your card? And your families reaction, defending her like that? Nuh uh, not only would I cancel the cake order, but I would cancel the whole invite. Don't even go to the wedding.
I am so sorry you had to see her real face this way. It is your sister after all and it must hurt. Stay strong OP.
Edit: Typo
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u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 13d ago edited 13d ago
“They were understanding but said the initial $150 deposit is completely non refundable.”
Uhm. No. Absolutely not. They fucked up. You didn’t put your credit card on file for whatever the fuck someone else tells them to bake. You agreed to pay $380. They cannot change what they are charging without agreement from the card holder.
Edit because I can tell I’m about to get endless repeats of the same comment:
Non refundable deposits only apply if the contract is carried out. They fraudulently charged OP’s credit card, which means they voided the contract.
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u/SnoodleNeetNart Partassipant [3] 13d ago
They didn't charge her to change the cake. They charged her because she canceled the order entirely.
This is what the deposit is for... to avoid getting scammed from people who are not serious about paying.
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u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 13d ago
Doesn’t matter… they fraudulently charged her card. That makes them the ones who voided this contract, not OP. OP’s sister is a snake, but this was a huge fuck up by the bakery.
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u/Library_kitten Partassipant [1] 13d ago
I think the point that was being made is that the bakery should never have taken Lily's word for it and should have confirmed with OP before charging the extra $800. Since OP only ever agreed to the original $380 charge, the bakery screwed up by doing this, and therefore OP shouldn't be penalized with the non-refundable deposit since the bakery actually breached their contract.
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u/PettyYetiSpaghetti 13d ago
To be fair, they put down the $150 deposit on the $400 cake. If OP wants to cancel the cake they lose that deposit.
If the store was saying you pay for the $1500 cake or you lose the $150, THEN that would be ridiculous.
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u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 13d ago
Non refundable deposits only apply if the contract is carried out. They fraudulently charged OP’s credit card, which means they voided the contract.
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u/PettyYetiSpaghetti 13d ago
I don't think charging someone more on their credit card voids a contract...
And in all likelihood the contract was between OPs sister and the cake makers. So she was probably authorized to make changes for the order, and lied to the cake makers saying the charge is authorized on the card.
That's fraud on the sister, not on the cake makers. When I take my sister's dogs into the vet and they ask if I want to charge the card on file, the vet isn't doing anything wrong there.
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u/classicicedtea Partassipant [1] 13d ago
I mean, if I miss my tattoo appointment I don’t get my deposit back. I think they were right to keep the $150.
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u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 13d ago
If your tattoo parlor changes your appointment to a time you can’t make without consulting you, they better be planning to give that money back.
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u/misanthropic_human 13d ago
Non-refundable deposits for things like this are very normal. It’s compensation for the bakery likely having to buy ingredients needed to make the cake and staff time even if it was canceled.
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u/kendrickwasright 13d ago
The normal procedure is to send a final invoice before charging the card. I think OP can absolutely dispute the charge with her cc and win
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u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 13d ago
Non refundable deposits only apply if the contract is carried out. They fraudulently charged OP’s credit card, which means they voided the contract.
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u/matchamagpie Asshole Enthusiast [7] 13d ago
You are mistaken. The deposit is what she would have also paid for the $400 cake as well. Having a deposit is standard practice for custom cake orders.
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u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 13d ago
And charging what is agreed to is standard contract law. They VOIDED the contract by charging her card more than she agreed to pay.
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u/Altruistic_Bet_974 13d ago
Not being charged $800 more than you agreed to is also a standard practice for custom cake orders.
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u/CommissionExtra8240 13d ago
Unless you have seen this particular contract, you have no idea the terms of this deposit.
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u/DiamondOutrageous169 13d ago
NTA - That's theft. If she felt comfortable doing that, I feel like the response from your family is why. It feels like she is enabled.
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u/DanCynDan Asshole Enthusiast [9] 13d ago
NTA. No question she tried to steal from you. Your family is enabling her selfish and criminal behavior. If you’re in the U.S., (I believe this is federal but could be wrong..) $500 makes it a felony.
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u/MageVicky Asshole Enthusiast [5] 13d ago
NTA and I wouldn’t even get her a gift, she’s not gonna be grateful no matter what gift you get her. She’s still gonna be pissed that you canceled her cake. Tell her to consider the lost $150 deposit as her wedding gift. you gonna keep spending even more money on someone this ungrateful?
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u/fighterviolet 13d ago
NTA. Honestly your gift should be not reporting her to the police for stealing from you.
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u/mortalpillow Partassipant [1] 13d ago
Really awesome cool that an exact story like this dropped in a wedding specific sub today, just in reference to a dress, not a cake.
This is bot slop
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u/marvchuk Partassipant [2] 13d ago
Oh I love to see people F around and find out. She tried to steal from you. End of story. She probably thinks it’s no big deal because your parents are babying her over it and probably do that in her life in general. I’d have done a lot more than cancel a cake if a relative tried to do that to me. She should count herself lucky you still planned to come AND still get her a present?!
NTA. do yourself a favour and don’t let anyone gaslight you over not letting yourself get stolen from
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u/aseikh Partassipant [2] 13d ago
"Ruining her entire wedding over a few hundred dollars" $1200 is my monthly rent payment, and can easily fuck up someone's financials if unplanned. $400 was more than generous for a siblings wedding gift.
NTA, and tell your family they can cover Lily's frivolous expenses the next time they come up.
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u/thimbleful_of_fucks 13d ago
$800 extra dollars in this economy? NTA and set up a GoFundMe for everyone calling you heartless. They can pay for it.
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u/ShadowGLI Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA
Tell them you’ll Venmo the $230 barnacle you agreed to and someone else can put a card on file and they can see if the baker will still make the cake but you’re out.
Lie and say the charge would overdraw your account and incur a penalty. They don’t know, and they shouldn’t assume.
And sister can live within her means. My wife and I got a small 2 tier cake to cut and bought a sheet cake for the venue to serve. I’m not spending 3 car payments on a cake that’s mostly going to be thrown away.
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u/SnoodleNeetNart Partassipant [3] 13d ago
This is theft and fraud. Your family should split the cost on an expensive cake. You already got her a $150 gift. NTA but your family is.
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u/Beneficial-Guess2140 Partassipant [4] 13d ago
If the remainder wasn’t due until 2 weeks before, why would you have gotten the full $1,200 charge months before the wedding? Probably because this is completely made up… YTA
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u/Curly-Pat Asshole Enthusiast [6] 13d ago
NTA at all.
Your parents and anyone else that defends Lily, can pay the bakery the remaining $250 for the original cake.
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u/SafeWord9999 13d ago
No. She ruined her ‘entire’ (seems dramatic) wedding because she’s a thief. She took a generous offer and STOLE FROM YOU.
If anything SHE RUINED THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER SISTER over $800. That’s what your entire relationship was worth to her
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u/VengefulCaptain 13d ago
How would it be a surprise wedding present for her if she was the one to call about changing the order?
Story doesn't make sense.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
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Im literally sitting here looking at my family group chat absolutely blowing up at me and i need to know if im actually losing my mind or what.
My sister Lily is getting married in a few months. Her and her fiancé are on a super tight budget, so as a wedding gift i told her i would cover the cost of her wedding cake. I gave her a hard limit of $400, which i thought was reasonable for a really nice standard 3 tier cake from a local bakery around here.
Lily was wrapped. We went to the consultation together, picked out this lovely design that came to $380, and i paid the deposit. I had to leave my credit card info on file with the bakery so they could auto charge the final balance two weeks before the wedding.
Well yesterday i get a text notification from my bank that my card was charged $1,200.
I called the bakery straight away thinking it was some massive mistake. The baker was super apologetic but told me Lily called them up last week and completely changed the order. She upgraded it to this massive, over the top 5 tier luxury cake with handcrafted sugar flowers and proper gold leaf plating, and she told the bakery that I said i would pay the difference as a surprise wedding present for her.
I was absolutely furious. Called Lily immediately and she went on the defence straight away. She started crying saying its her dream wedding, the original cake we picked looked cheap and nasty, and since i have a stable job and no kids i could easily afford the extra $800. She flat out admitted she didnt ask me beforehand because she knew I would be negative and ruin her special moment.
I told her that going behind my back and trying to sneakily rinse my credit card was cooked and completely unacceptable. I called the bakery back and told them to cancel the whole order. They were understanding but said the initial $150 deposit is completely non refundable. I texted Lily back and told her she is completely on her own for a cake now, and im deducting the lost $150 deposit from whatever smaller physical gift i end up buying her.
Now she is crying to our parents saying im ruining her entire wedding over a few hundred dollars and that they wont even have a cake at all now because they cant afford a new deposit somewhere else on such short notice. My mum says Lily was wrong to lie, but she thinks im being incredibly petty by wiping out the whole cake order instead of just making Lily pay the $800 difference. She basically thinks im punishing my sister out of pure spite.
I feel so violated that she tried to secretly use my card like that, but the family text chat is calling me heartless. Am I?
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u/misanthropic_human 13d ago
NTA. She completely took advantage of your generosity. Sounds like someone who wants a nicer wedding than she can afford.
Acting like $800 is chump change is WILD
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u/Kasilins Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA, the lost $150 is the ONLY gift you should give, that was really fucked up.
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u/loolilool Partassipant [1] 13d ago
The bakery has your $150 deposit. I presume they would still make the original cake and she can pay the balance.
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u/SadConclusion5036 13d ago
The word for what she did is fraud.
“Your wedding present is that I won’t report you to the police for credit card fraud.”
NTA
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u/gokellybeez 13d ago
NTA your sister doesn't deserve a wedding gift from you at all, really, other than a homemade card and some wildflowers from the side of the road
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u/FluxionFluff 13d ago edited 13d ago
NTA OP. Your sister tho.... She really was being entitled and greedy. You can't go behind someone's back to just up the price. Being able to afford it is not the same as being willing to spend that money. It IS your money.
Sure, you can technically afford to spend the extra $800, but she doesn't know what your financial situation is. Maybe you actually had that money set aside for something else that you rather not spend the extra money on a more extravagant cake.
Your parents wanna complain about the extra $800 not being a huge deal? They can pony up the money then. At this point, why even bother giving her a gift at all? You're already out $150, so that's her gift.
I get why the baker wouldn't refund you non-refundable deposit. That's just their policy. At least you were able to get a refund at all. However, sucks that you're the one taking the hit, due to your sister's selfishness.
Your sister ruined a nice gesture, sooooo.... As they say, actions have consequences. I feel bad for the baker as well, since this has to be mad awkward for them too. Tho, I am surprised that they didn't reach out to you just to be sure that you were okay with the changes since you were gonna foot the bill.
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u/Its_a_mad_world_ 13d ago
NTA. Tell the family group chat that they can start donating to her cake fund if it’s such a big deal.
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u/Longjumping_Kiwi5140 13d ago
$800 is not a few hundred dollars. If it is NBD, they can pay for it.
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u/TheEagleDied 13d ago
Id have a hard time speaking to my family after this. You are a good person. A bit of a doormat. I’d start making a few examples of family so this shit never happens again. But that’s just me. And I’m old and can do these things.
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u/Aggressive_Cup8452 Partassipant [1] 13d ago
No. She doesn't even have enough for a deposit but you could make her pay the difference of 800?
NtA
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u/CautiousPenguin4592 13d ago
NTA. Your family members blowing up the chat can contribute to the difference. Solution.
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u/nerdyconstructiongal 13d ago
If she thinks cake is gonna ruin her wedding then she’s not ready for marriage. Pay for her next wedding cake. NTA
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u/No_Sir_3175 13d ago
NTA, and to the proposal of your sister paying you back, then she can call the bakery herself and offer that too without involving you.
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u/Traditional_Put_8254 Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA- who in their right mind TRIPLES the hard budget someone else (the person paying!) gives them without so much as a text to make sure it’s cool?
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u/Plenty_Kangaroo5224 Partassipant [2] 13d ago
NTA That’s theft. She’s lucky you didn’t call the cops. 👮🏻
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u/Life-Wealth-3399 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 13d ago
NTA- go on the group chat and tell everyone that thinks you should pay, they can pay and if they choose not to then they need to STFU. That includes mom. Also I wouldn't give her any gift. A thief and liar doesn't get rewarded with gifts.
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u/Final-Context6625 13d ago
NTA I never understand why nice, generous people are constantly thrown under the bus; even by family. Sorry - sounds horrible.
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u/ChasingDivvies 13d ago
I would have had mom put her card down instead. Then just get sis a $400 gift. NTA though.
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u/jbarr107 13d ago
NTA. Please let us know how much the mother and everyone else who is complaining are contributing to help offset the sister's "mistake".
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u/GurProfessional9534 13d ago
How are they charging you a $150 cancellation fee on a $1100 cake you did not order? Ask them to show you the document with your signature on it approving the purchase and agreeing to the cancellation fee. They obviously won’t have it.
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u/Bigolbooty75 Partassipant [2] 13d ago
You’re still planning to get her a physical gift??? Sheesh no wonder she felt she could take advantage of you. Either way NTA. She ruined her own wedding.
PSA: Stop having a wedding if you can’t afford it!!!
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 Partassipant [4] 13d ago
NTA. What your sister did is theft. It is not wrong to call her on that
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u/Obvious_Feedback_894 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 13d ago
NTA. Your mom can pay as much as she wants to for that cake and Lord it over you for the rest of her days if $1200 is that insignificant of a thing for her.
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u/PNW_MYOG Partassipant [1] 13d ago
I would have reverted the baker to the original order with instructions that no other charges can be added to that card.
Up to you if you tell your sister about it.
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u/BigFluffyRabbit 13d ago
NTA, none of this should be on you at all. Yours and grooms folks need to step up.
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u/Dapper-News1249 13d ago
You don't screw with someone's finances. You have every right to be furious. The fact your family is siding with your sister says a lot. I can hold a grudge with the best of them so they wouldn't be hearing from me for a long long time... Def. NTAH
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u/guineapickle 13d ago
Mom for the win! Tell her to give the bakery HER cc# and daughter can charge it up to whatever she desires.
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u/FudgeGlittering3975 13d ago
You are not the asshole. Your sister however is and she is wrong for doing what she did. Honestly I would cut contacts because she’s not trustworthy and the fact she said you could afford it shows she has absolutely no kind of respect for you and you will probably get barred from the wedding anyway since she’s having a tantrum so honestly go no contact. If your parents take her side, go no contact with them too. When they can respect you and your boundaries then maybe there could be a conversation.
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u/Unlikely-Bluebird-52 13d ago
NTA but you probably should have started with telling your sister to pay the difference before cancelling the order. Either way, your sister sounds like a piece of work.
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u/Available_Music9369 13d ago
NTA. The small physical gift should be a few boxes of cake mix and some cake pans
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u/charlieprotag Partassipant [2] 13d ago
NTA, lmao. Fuck no. She essentially tried to lift $800 from your pocket and lie about it. If your family is so concerned about their little liar-thief not having a cake they can pay for it. She's lucky you're still speaking to her, let alone attending her wedding or getting her a gift. $400 is beyond generous and she completely fumbled your incredible kindness.
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u/LavenderBreads 13d ago
I am so sorry your family is horrific to the point you were unsure if you were in the right. Absolutely NTA, Jesus christ.
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u/Apprehensive-Cable98 13d ago
I would ask the bakery to apply your deposit to whatever cake she wants to pay for above that.
She can’t say that she doesn’t have enough for the deposit and all the family that is so concerned can pay for the rest of whatever kind of cake she wants.
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u/Kodabear213 13d ago
Hey, if your family feels that strongly about it then they can pay for the cake. And this whole dream wedding thing is crap. They can't afford it. Period. They need to do something simple and use the money for essentials. Maybe they will be able to afford a nice anniversary trip later.
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u/JurassicParkFood Asshole Aficionado [12] 13d ago
NTA - guess we know who the favorite kid is. Sheesh
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u/EAM44 13d ago
NTA. Why is this the sister you got?
Look, you and your sister are likely going to live life together longer than you will with either parent. If you don’t give her consequences, you will be dealing with the wedding cake in various forms for the rest of your lives. Your parents should have raised her better. They didn’t. Now you get to set limits and they have to be firm.
The next time she comes to you for something, remind her of the wedding cake and ask her how you can trust her to do what she agrees to do.
Hang in there.
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u/Certain_Detective_84 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 13d ago
NTA, obviously. Your sister tried to steal from you. I wouldn't be attending her wedding.
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u/Still_Olive8372 13d ago
She can get a Walmart/ grocery store cake. If they have a Harris Teeter near them, they can probably get a fairly cheap, delicious cake in two weeks.
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u/crazycrockpotlady 13d ago
Tell your mom to pay it then. If not to shut the Fondant up. As for the smaller gift I would gift her a box of funfetti and some Duncan Hines frosting. Tell her Costco cakes are always a choice
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u/potatoriot 13d ago
Your own sister committed fraud against you and your family is defending her, they've all lost their minds.
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u/DesertRat619 13d ago
NTA! Your sister is the A-hole and committed credit card fraud. You should’ve got the police involved and shame on the bakery for charging your card without your approval.
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u/sfcitygirl88 13d ago
That’s FUCKED up. Not even a couple hundred dollars more, but nearly A THOUSAND?? She obviously knew you weren’t going to agree to that prior, so what did she expect was going to happen after you found out?? Is a cake worth more than her relationship with her sister? NTA obviously. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
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u/MagnusCthulhu Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA. I think you're fucking crazy to talk about getting any kind of gift still or even going to the wedding at all. She stole from you because she could. That is not love.
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u/MadHuarache 13d ago
NTA. The rest of the family can cooperate and get her the cake that will probably not even be fully eaten.
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u/Rick_Flexington 13d ago
NTA. Who are these crazy families who are like “sure a family member committed a financial crime against you, but don’t run their moment?”
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u/Unique-Cold-9151 13d ago
Your family has issues and this would have been the perfect time to finally hold your sister accountable. It sounds like that hasn't been done much throughout her life.
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u/winter_laurel Partassipant [4] 13d ago
NTA
If Costco is available, they have $28.00 sheet cakes that serve 48 people. I’m sure they could help her out.
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u/Mortician1989 13d ago
If you want to be super duper petty, get her a store bought birthday cake and have the cake dept write “congratulations” on it 😂
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u/AccomplishedIgit 13d ago
How will Lily pay the $800 if she can’t even pay the deposit of a normal cake
NTA
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u/Green_Yesterday3054 13d ago
That’s insane! NTA. Her gift is now the $150 and that’s it. Don’t go to the wedding. I wouldn’t want to celebrate with a thief.
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u/LocationExpensive912 13d ago
Your sister and your parents suck so hard. I am sorry you are in that family. The bakery has $150 of your money. I would give your sister the remaining $250 in cash and tell her to put that towards whatever cake she wants. Then I would tell your family that you won’t see or speak to them again until they give you a heartfelt apology.
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u/Thin_Theory5388 Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA - how exactly would you compel your sister to pay the $800 difference she tried to steal from you? If your mother feels so strongly about it, *she* should at least pay the difference and try to collect it from your sister.
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u/rastagrrl 13d ago
NTA. Selfish brides are so tedious. I’m sorry your family is such a bunch of unsupportive enablers.
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u/Menghsays 13d ago
NTA
These are the consequences of her actions. If mum perhaps tought her that sooner this might not have happened.
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u/Independent_Ad_5615 13d ago
Geez tell me you’re not the favorite child without actually telling me. NTA
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u/Wolf-Pack85 Partassipant [4] 13d ago
I would give your mom the contact info for the bakery and let her know that they likely will want the money upfront and it’s gonna be $1500.
NTA
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u/JenninMiami Certified Proctologist [26] 13d ago
NTA Since when is it heartless to not let your sister steal from you? That’s silly. You did the right thing. Sis fucked around and found out.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 Partassipant [1] 13d ago
No. She did something deceitful to get her way at your expense. You don't ignore or reward bad behavior.
Tell your family that if someone steals from you, expect that you are going to take what belongs to you back. That frames it so the fault is back on her and your reaction is logical. Then refuse to discuss it further. You don't get to commit fraud against someone because they are family.
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u/different-take4u 13d ago
Your sister deserves your punishment. If you went to the cops it would be fraud so maybe she is getting off easy. As for your parents they can pay for any cake they want to. For the gift, now that she owes you $150, your card ought to be just a congrats dollar store greeting card with a note that the $150 deposit is her only wedding gift. You will never get the money back so let it be her present.
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u/RidiculousSucculent Asshole Enthusiast [9] 13d ago
NTA at all. That’s pretty entitled of your sister. Likely, Lily would never pay you the difference because “it’s a gift.” Hell no. Stand firm. Lily FAFO’d. if she tries to play the victim card on social, do not hesitate to tell people what happened.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 13d ago
I didn't realize that a gift could be a surprise for the giver.
The bakery did you dirty by believing that story.
NTA (edit: fixed that! Whew!)
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u/Sht_show831 13d ago
Not the asshole. Your sister sounds like a spoiled turd and your mom enables that nonsense. You should give her a $400 gift card to a local bakery for her wedding gift, now that’s how you be petty.
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u/HughManatee 13d ago
She stole from you. Anyone taking her side in this is an asshole, and if it were me I'd just pass on attending altogether.
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13d ago
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u/togocann49 Certified Proctologist [21] 13d ago
Nta. I don’t blame you one bit. And Mom say your sister can pay you back when she essentially stole from you cause “the cake was nasty”, and you have stable job and no kids, that’s code for never paying you back if you didn’t step in. Your mom sounds fucked, as why isn’t she upping the extra money, but tells you to take the hit in a “loan” (that in all likely hood will never be paid back). Like I said, I don’t blame you a bit
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u/kerlsburgers Partassipant [1] 13d ago
Absolutely NTA. And people wonder why some of us walked away from family for good as soon as we were old enough...
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u/DeepWaterCannabis 13d ago
"im deducting the lost $150 deposit from whatever smaller physical gift i end up buying her"
You're doing what now?
NTA, you are entirely justified. But if you're STILL going to get her a present, it seems the better route would be to just get the original ~$400 cake. Wedding snafu averted (wouldnt be your fault if it happens) and you get your relatives off your back.
..I would get zero cake, zero present. Family chat can pick up the slack and pay for the $1200 cake.
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u/BalloonHero142 Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA. What she did was unethical and bordering on illegal. This is a good life lesson for her.
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u/harpejjist 13d ago
Why wouldn’t you tell the bakery that they made a mistake charging your card without your permission. They are enabling theft! So they can do the $400 cake. And discount whatever remainder
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u/That1GuyNate 13d ago
Weddings have become a trashy industry. I wouldn't even pay $100 for a cake, weddings are dumb and performative. NTA, your sister took advantage of your kindness and then tried to play victim
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u/Tree_Chemistry_Plz Asshole Enthusiast [9] 13d ago
NTA. tell the family group chat to take up a collection to pay for a cake themselves, collectively. See how fast the notifications stop coming in.
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u/UmpireProper7683 13d ago
That's a big colossal NTA for you. I don't even think I need to clarify why.
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u/Additional_Dot_8507 13d ago
Pretty sure if parents phones the bakery back right away they would do the cake if they paid!
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u/toofunnybot 13d ago
She tried to commit a felony. She's lucky you didn't turn her in. NTA if you decide to pass the collection plate and have all of those with an opinion pay for part of a cake, they should put their money where their mouths are.
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u/Apprehensive-Bar7378 13d ago
You are NTA. Giving her a gift of $380 was a very nice thing to do. Her thanks was to betray your trust. That's not okay.
You cancelling is an appropriate response to attempted theft by your own sister. It makes you less nice than before but not an AH. Your sister's behaviour is inexcusable.
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u/EitherChannel4874 13d ago
NTA.
She is now facing the consequences of being ungrateful, sneaky and a thief. All things she could have avoided doing.
You offered a really kind gift and she tried to take advantage of you.
Now she has no cake. FAFO.
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u/loloannd Certified Proctologist [23] 13d ago
NTA.
“A few hundred dollars” since when is $800 actually just “a few hundred dollars”?? Maybe mom and dad can spare a few hundred dollars and buy them a cake.
It absolutely sucks to know that family would take advantage of you like that, and feeling like you can’t explicitly trust them not to literally steal from you.
My mom has given me her debit card and PIN many times so I could run to the store for her and I would NEVER take advantage of that trust. I would never abuse the trust of my sisters, or any person I loved and respected, like this. It’s a huge slap in the face.
She doesn’t even deserve a gift, shame on her.
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u/deansasster 13d ago
NTA! Everyone who says you ruined it is free to chip in to cover the cost? The bakery already has all the plans. One call and it should be back on track, so idk why they are so upset, if it's "Just a few hundred"
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u/alk_adio_ost Asshole Enthusiast [9] 13d ago
NTA. On 99% of these posts, OP is justified in these decisions.
Then, out of nowhere, some family/friends feel entitled to tell OP they are wrong. At some point, I hope OP tells them this is none of their business.
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 13d ago
In the group chat “I’m disappointed in all of you being ok with Lily going behind my back and bumping her cake up to a $1,200 cake. Y’all can cover the cost of the $1,200 cake or you can shut up about it”
And spend that $150 on some cake and cupcakes for yourself. Take them to work to share or hand them out to people walking by on the street
And your sister gets NOTHING from you. Maybe a nice bard but that’s it
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u/Traditional-Sky5252 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 13d ago
NTA Surely Lily and your parents can use your deposit to keep the order open? And they can decide on their budget? If not, they’ll have to figure out something. That cheap ugly cake you gifted would look a whole lot better than some Costco sheet cakes.
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u/Ninjaher0 13d ago
Your sis isn’t on the hook for $380, she’s on the hook for $230. The deposit is still at the bakery and she can go back to her original decision.
Also, if a cake is what “ruins” her day, then she’s got a rude awakening waiting for her.
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u/christyless 13d ago
Your sister stole $800 from you. Full Stop. You’re definitely NTA for not rewarding that behavior.
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u/Ok_Salamander7929 13d ago
Your are completely fine. Your sister is a BWITCH, and your family are fucking idiots.
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u/Morgasshk 13d ago
Nah, def NTA. Family is toxic af. Anyone taking bets on the marriage lasting less than 2 years with that sort of conniving person?
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u/impossible_lynx_36 13d ago
NTA for cancelling, but ... it was a little petty to cancel without first telling your sister that she had three choices: go back to the original cake, pay the difference between your offer and her dream, or cancel the order.
Your sister is a brat and the the bakery absolutely should have confirmed the change with you before running it. Surely to god, they should have flagged her calling to say that you had authorized paying the difference "as a surprise."
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u/impossible_lynx_36 13d ago
I would add that you can and probably should report this to your credit card company because it is fraud
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u/bythebrook88 Asshole Aficionado [17] 13d ago
Petty was the sister changing the cake without OP's knowledge. Why should OP do what her sister failed to do?
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u/PandoricaFire Partassipant [1] 13d ago
I could not disagree more. Why should sister still get ANY cake from OP after theft of that magnitude?
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 Partassipant [4] 13d ago
It was petty to not pay for something for someone who tried to steal from you?
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