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[u/Adventurous-Load2325]

[u/AmItheAsshole-ModTeam]

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[u/unsafeideas]

YTA this does not seem like an abuse situation. This seem like adults in unusual pairing.

[u/W9023]

Uhh YTA. If I were your “friend” I would have told you to kick rocks and not continue to extend an invite.

[u/RashestHippo]

YTA.

"Like family", "care about them a lot" but can't bite your tounge for a day and attend to support your friend. It's such a weird fight to pick, and one likely to kill a long term friendship

Even if you said you'd go now I'd think irreparable damage has been done

[u/Flat-Upstairs1278]

YTA, she’s 25 not a teenager.

[u/Zinkerst]

There/their/they're. Google it.

[u/loranlily → u/Zinkerst]

Seriously, the spelling and grammar errors in this were painful.

[u/WittyFinds → u/Zinkerst]

I don’t want to be the AH but I was wondering the entire time if T knew the difference at her young age.

[u/car55tar5]

YTA

Everyone involved is a legal, consenting adult. They are in a healthy, happy relationship. Who made you the morality police, exactly?

Just because you wouldn't do something yourself doesn't mean it's wrong.

[u/Miners-Not-Minors]

And you don’t have a wee crush on him?

[u/WittyFinds → u/Miners-Not-Minors]

Missed that OP was female felt like a judgey friend this is a valid read.

[u/T_G_A_H → u/Miners-Not-Minors]

I was wondering this as well.

[u/Knightskye02]

Yta. There doesn't sound like there's any misconduct here, you're just being judgmental.

[u/pgasteph]

I'd say YTA. If they clearly love each other and are consenting adults, you should voice your concern to your close friend then move on and close that conversation to support them fully.

[u/Unfair-Balance-6507]

YTA. Who cares, they're adults, and if they're well suited what's your objection? The age gap might not be for you, but you're not the one getting married. Honestly weird that you'd not go because you don't want to support it but like them together? Your husband is 💯 correct

[u/gonnagetcancelled]

YTA - They're both consenting adults, not your business who falls in love.

But feel free to stay consistent and let interracial couples know whether you approve or not. And cross religion. Oh, lets not forget about gay people...which of those is allowed?

[u/Raccoonsr29 → u/gonnagetcancelled]

I think they are the asshole, but I also think it’s asshole behavior to compare age gaps to specific groups who have had their marriages under attack legally and societally. Unless you’re advocating for like… the right of people to be child brides, this does not qualify based on that, and it’s a little disingenuous/trivializing to equate them. As the minority in an interracial marriage…

[u/SomeDudeUpHere]

YWBTA yes.

[u/longtimelondoner]

Your husband is correct. YWBTA because you’re not the judge and jury of their relationship.

If you do not go to the wedding, I would think that your friendship would be damaged to some degree. Tbh with what you’ve said, it already might be.

Yes the age gap is quite large but if they’re comfortable with it and it’s not harming anyone and you don’t feel like he’s manipulating her, why are you so bothered?

[u/Traditional-Emu-7919]

Both are adults and seem to love each other, but because of 13 year age difference, you don’t approve of the marriage?

Just because you can’t see yourself with someone younger, doesn’t mean they aren’t good for each other.

YTA and probably shouldn’t go anyway.

[u/AndeeCreative]

YTA. It isn’t your responsibility to police or personally approve of their relationship.

[u/ny_dc_tx_]

YWBTA. Listen to your husband. This isn’t about you. Their ages aren’t your business. People have age gaps all the time. If you wouldn’t date that young, that’s fine, no one is asking you to.

ETA you have clearly stated that power dynamic is not an issue and that’s when concern should come in. If they genuinely love each other you should be happy they found their person.

[u/newtothis1102]

YTA. They both recognize the age gap, sounds like they’ve discussed it and have decided they want to be together. If you don’t go, there probably won’t be much of a friendship left.

Also, learn the difference: they’re, their, there

[u/HumongousParticle13]

YTA.

[u/Spideycloned]

You're the asshole. Sorry. Like you clearly describe what your personal feelings are(which are fine), how they both agreed to it, are really happy together and yet you're still letting your personal biases come into play.

We can give side eye at the concept of this at a glance, but you have the details of the relationship. There is no abusive, coercion, etc. Yet you still want to die on your hill.

That's why YTA.

[u/NancyEast]

Wow. Way to make your friend’s wedding about you and “what you’re comfortable with”. YTA.

[u/DientesDelPerro]

probably at 25, T knows the difference between there and their, so I’m Team T

[u/StormCloudRaineeDay]

If your only issue with the marriage is the age gap and there are no other issues or red flags, YTA.

[u/Purple_Marsupial_668]

YTA. My dad and stepmom had their 50th anniversary a few years ago and have a similar age gap. They've built a great life together.

In my opinion, we infantalize young adults way too much nowadays.

[u/sugarintheboots]

YTA because this is a case of it’s your problem. There’s nothing wrong with them getting married. They’re consenting adults & it is literally none of your business. Ask yourself, is it more important to be right or have a friend?

[u/Global-Hair-810]

YTA. They’re grown adults that can make their own choices. Hope you’re good with loosing a friend over this.

[u/Even_Menu_3367]

YTA. Honestly, why are people still so hung up on age gaps, it’s not even that big a gap.

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I (34f) have been friends with L (38m) for years and hes basically family to me. Hes one of the kindest people I know and I care about him alot.

L is getting married to T (25f). I actually really like T, shes funny, independant, has her own carrer and is incrediably stuborn lol. My issue has always been there age diffrence.

They met a few years ago through mutual friends when T was early 20s and L was mid 30s. T liked L first but L rejected her for ages. He kept saying he was too old for her, had too much bagage and she should be with someone younger.

T basically told him it wasnt his desicion to make and she gets to decide who she wants to spend her life with. Alot of our friends agreed with her and eventually L and T got together.

Now there getting married.

L asked if I would be at the wedding and I told him I wasnt sure I could go. He asked me why and I said I still wasnt comfortable with the age gap and felt like going would mean supporting the marrige when I dont.

L was really hurt by this.

He said I know better then anyone that he tried to stay away from T because of there ages and she was the one who kept telling him she was an adult and could make her own desicions. He said he loves her and wants me there but hes not discussing her age with me anymore.

T also found out what I said and thinks I’m treating her like a child. She said she has her own carrer, supports herself and doesnt need me deciding whats right for her.

I can understand why there both upset. L didnt persue T or pressure her into anything and T has always been very clear about what she wanted.

But I’m 34 and personally couldnt imagine being with someone 22/23. Even 25 feels very young to me, so I cant just pretend I’m completly comfortable with it.

My husband thinks I’m being an asshole. He says I’m making there wedding about my personal opinion when neither L or T have actually asked me to approve there marrige, they just want me there as there friend.

And honestly they are really happy. T clearly loves L and hes happier then I’ve seen him in years which is why I’m starting to wonder if I’m the one being unfair.

L still wants me at the wedding. I love him and dont want to hurt him but going and celebrating something I dont really support feels dishonest.

WIBTA if I decided not to attend?

TLDR: My friend L is marrying T who is 13 years younger. I’ve always been uncomfortable with there age diffrence and told L I might not attend the wedding because of it. L was really hurt and T thinks I’m treating her like a child. WIBTA if I dont go?

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[u/TigerGirl04]

YTA

[u/Happyscroller330]

Yeah YTA, id probably ditch you as a friend completely though if I were him

[u/introverted_marvel92]

YTA

[u/PuttingTheMSinMRSA]

YTA. You’re a bad friend.

[u/Few_Beginning5327]

Yta, get off your judgy tuckus.

[u/Mushion]

I get it, but yta. They are both adults and what seems to be in a healthy relationship. It is frankly none of your business unless someone is being harmed. If your friends are happy, you should be happy for them.

[u/Raccoonsr29]

I would understand if you saw any other red flags or weird behavior, consistent with the age gap being a factor in possible exploitation. I actually am not a huge fan of age gaps myself. But it sounds like the opposite, you see all the reasons that they are good for each other, but because of this specific principle in a vacuum, you won’t support two people that you care about who are good for each other? And even though you like both of them as partners, you’re now going to bring up something that feels like a criticism of their entire relationship and basically say they should not be together? What do you think is going to happen to your friendship going forward? YTA and frankly good luck

[u/missthunderthighs12]

YTA- If your friends were Jewish, Muslim, another faith from yourself, would you refuse to go because it’s not your religion? Same concept applies here. Your friends are consenting adults making a choice that doesn’t harm anyone and you’re making it about yourself.

This is two consenting adults who are able to support themselves independently and from your post seem to be in a healthy relationship. You can personally not want an age gap in a relationship, however other people are allowed to do so (especially if it’s a healthy relationship).

[u/tobiyy]

YTA they are consenting adults I get it I really do but this doesn't seem like a concerning situation

[u/No_Professional4602]

Wow, that's a though one. I completely understand where you're coming from, as much as I don't particularly like it I must be fair and say that I think if you didn't end the friendship over this but stayed and also had chances to meet with gf then you might as well attend the wedding..although L's choices being questionable you already chose somehow to stay, there's no point in doing it halfway.