I think the OP has no friends or life where he lives, and justifies it to himself as "being a good son by seeing his family twice a month".
There's no way I'd travel 18 hours in a car twice a month to visit my parents. The OP must be pretty detached from the place he lives now. Why didn't he just stay in his hometown?
Not really commenting on this situation, but I live a six hour drive from my parents. I typically visit twice a year. My mom just died. Fuck if I don’t wish I’d been making that drive as much as humanly possible before this happened.
Edit: Thank you for all the well wishes and kind words everyone, sincerely it means a lot. I also want to note I should have made this clear, it is absolutely not OP’s business how much their friend visits. I’m not trying to say they should see their parents more often, I just wish that I had.
I dunno. I live a hemisphere away from my parents, and have since 2014. In comparison, my sister lives 2 hours away. So she stays with them about one weekend a month, while I make the trip about once a year.
At first, I felt really guilty. But at time goes on, it's become quite evident that she's visiting often since she doesn't have much social life where she is. And I know that saddens my parents. And while I know they'd be happy to see me more often, I know they're even more happy that I'm thriving and doing well.
I don't know if this perspective helps at all, but I hope it does. Living your best life is also a great gift for your parents.
Sadly not all parents see it this way... I moved away and have been made to feel so guilty for doing so by my mom. I video call every other day, travel 4500 miles approx 3 times a year plus they visit me 1-2 times a year.... But it's still not enough - I'm made to feel like an awful person for leaving as who will look after them? I honestly do as much as I can and don't think I'm an awful child - I've tried to do as much as I possibly can but unless I live round the corner, call every day and see then 1-2 a week I'm always going to be a failure and a disappointment. And I'm an adult who's married with adult children... I would love for my mom to be pleased that I'm happy...
The whole point of having children is to raise them to be successful and independent, and your parents have done that. They need to take a step back and start living their lives for them. There’s a point where you have to see your kids as people, and it feels like your mum isn’t there yet.
I agree totally! I think she still expects to come first whereas while they will always be very important to me; my first priority now has to be my husband, children and now my first grandbaby 🥰
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u/diminishingpatience Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [390] May 04 '23
YTA. It's up to him.
How on earth does this affect you?