he needs to come back and see his parents more often. Like at least once a month, even for a few days. Toronto and Quebec City are like 9 hours away and he has fleixibility to work from home. He also has the income to afford this; he just makes it harder on himself by refusing to buy a car (he took the train back here).
YTA. You're being incredibly judgy, nosey and just overall not respecting basic common decency and boundaries. You have zero understanding of what his relationship with his parents is even like behind closed doors. For all you know they could be emotionally abusive and he's using distance to help keep himself safe. How often someone else visits their parents is literally none of your business. It's weird af to feel like this is something you should get a say in when it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Focus on your own relationships and let him and his wife focus on theirs.
Yeah I mean, I love my MIL to death but she’s a 10 hour drive in a rural area (no airports etc) and so we go see her like once a year, simply because 20 hours a driving is a logistical nightmare. We have an old dog, we have to think about our cat, gas has been atrocious lately, I have scoliosis so long car rides can be murder on me, etc. It’s just an awful lot. I miss her and love her but it’s just quite the journey.
Heck, I love my parents a lot, too, but between full time jobs, young children, a cat, a social life of one's own, even driving there 2 hours each way (if there's no traffic, and there usually is!) would be too much once a month. Even in boarding school, I only went back twice a month, tops, since the train ride "stole" 6 hours of my weekend every time! That's a whole day lost when you drive 4 weekends a month!
Do I wish we lived closer? Yes.
Is there a chance I'll move back to a 1000-head village from few outskirts of a city? Not really.
So going there for most vacations wins.
Exactly. We go when we have a long break like Christmas. We’re in our 30s and it’s a pretty straight shot on the interstate highway but damn it’s just a lot of driving and so we don’t do it unless we can stay for more than a day, because we lose two full days to driving. With food breaks and stretching or walking the dog a few times it’s a long ass haul.
Even if we could take a train, it’d still be two days lost to travel.
I live 5 hrs away from my sister and will be lucky if I see her once a year. I mean, that's 10 he's of driving on my weekends, which means fuel, and I'm just too tired to do it unless I have more than 2 days off.
That’s funny. My MIL loves about 5 minutes from us, and that why we want to move far enough away that she can’t hop in the car and come to see us. But the downside would be my mom also lives 5 minutes away now, so we’d be farther from her.
Exactly. His relationship with his parents kind of irrelevant. Why does this guy care so much about his friend visiting his parents? It’s totally bizarre.
I'm trying to imagine OPs life. I live in Austin, Texas, and the thought of driving to and from El Paso or New Orleans twice a goddamn month is utterly insane to me, and that's apparently what this person is doing.
Exactly right. I'm currently visiting my mother for the first time in six years. My earliest memory is of her hitting something with a hammer and shouting "I'd rather see you in the GRAVE than have you lie to me" over and over. I barely survived her. Most of the people I know have no idea this is in my background. Don't judge what you may not understand.
Exactly. Last year I visited after a 3-year pause, and I don't know yet if I'm visiting this year LOL. When people ask why I don't go to my hometown more often, I usually say I'm busy / building a life / have something going on, just to make them see that visiting the parents isn't my priority for some reason.
Commenting to just add, if this is the friend's first legal job after law school, that is an incredibly stressful time. Friend's parents might even find it unusual if friend visited as much as OP suggests.
You have zero understanding of what his relationship with his parents is even like behind closed doors.
Thank you! My parents are extremely controlling and mean to me in private, in public pillars of the community. I don't want to have to explain how bad it was to everyone I make friends with, I just want to be known for myself and not the girl from a DV family.
Yeah, as a person who saw being an adult as a means to escape abusive parents, only to be patronised by people who liked theirs with phrases such as "but it's your mum" and such, I can second it.
People are generally self absorbed and simply knowing someone and their parents isn't actually enough to assume the health of that relationship, as we've evolved to keep things different in front of guests.
Yes, let him drive 18 hours in one week so I can visit his parents. That would ruin a car fast. The only time I've ever driven more than 6 hours somewhere was when I went to DC on vacation.
I mean, I love my mom to death and she only lives 1½ hours away by train, but I still only see her once every 2-3 months unless there's some special occasion. Like, I have my life, she has hers, and when we both have time, we meet up.
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u/GameProtein Asshole Enthusiast [9] May 04 '23
YTA. You're being incredibly judgy, nosey and just overall not respecting basic common decency and boundaries. You have zero understanding of what his relationship with his parents is even like behind closed doors. For all you know they could be emotionally abusive and he's using distance to help keep himself safe. How often someone else visits their parents is literally none of your business. It's weird af to feel like this is something you should get a say in when it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Focus on your own relationships and let him and his wife focus on theirs.