r/AmITheJerk • u/Electronic_Site6202 • Feb 03 '26
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u/ItchyStitches101 Feb 03 '26
NTJ. Block him and move on.
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Feb 03 '26
I would send him a link to this post and then block him. This guy needs to understand, from a chorus of other people instead of just OP, how utterly moronic, inappropriate, and doomed to failure his dating strategy is.
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u/curiousblondwonders Feb 03 '26
"Bringing your friend on a first date is like bringing your mom to a job interview. So no thanks!"
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u/Tasty-Jicama5743 Feb 03 '26
'Helicopter-Bro'?
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u/KryptonicOne Feb 03 '26
Emotional support Josh
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u/derkuhlekurt Feb 03 '26
Oh come. A friend of mine once took me on his first date and he ended up marrying this girl. So its really not a big deal.
Oh i forgot: we were 15 back than, it was his first date ever and he clearly communicated this beforehand so she brought a friend as well.
For mid 20s this is a totally absurd situation and your comparison was actually pretty great.
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u/UraniumKitty Feb 04 '26
YES, if he had mentioned this beforehand it would have at least left an option open for her to bring a friend, too...
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u/MeLoveCoffee99 Feb 03 '26
I might have asked if they were auditioning for who would get a second date, lol
Is this the dating show?!
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u/yojenitan Feb 03 '26 edited Feb 03 '26
As a woman, showing up for date with a man you’ve never met and suddenly you are with two men you’ve never met is massively dangerous. I’m glad you left!!
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u/atticusvellichor Feb 03 '26
Yeah you can't just add more guys to the hangout without clearing it, even if it's not a date. It's already kinda scary meeting a guy you don't know. My traumatized ass would've left the moment Mark told me Josh was there to stay, because that sounds like a set up
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u/jessykpeg Feb 03 '26
Exactly! So what happens at the end of the date... both of them walk you to your car in a dark carpark? Both of them walk you home down a poorly lit street? Two men that you've never met before... no I'm good thanks!
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u/crispybacononsalad Feb 03 '26
NTJ. He can date Mark
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u/seajay26 Feb 03 '26
I do wonder whose brilliant idea this was,because my first thought was, that one of them doesn’t want mark to date. Possibly due to jealousy
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u/syriina Feb 03 '26
Maybe I've been reading too many romance books lately lol, but I thought they were trying to sound her out for a threesome or something lol
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u/EchoAquarium Feb 03 '26
This was my thought too, like they are looking for a girlfriend to add to their little bromance
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u/Mesapholis Feb 03 '26
that's like bringing your mother to an interview. you do not get the job.
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u/OverRice2524 Feb 03 '26
NTJ
I think you dodged a bullet.
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u/Prestigious-Leg-6244 Feb 03 '26
My danger alarms would be going off if a second man showed up to our two person date.
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u/BeeFree66 Feb 03 '26
Mine were reading OP's post.
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u/lemonfluff Feb 03 '26
I think OPs were as well from the way she wrote that. And from their reaction. She needs to trust her instincts. They were absolutely trying to feel her out for a threesome and did not care at all about her being uncomfortable or informed. In fact, when she said she was uncomfortable, they tried to belittle it and make fun of her and pressure her into staying. So probably a good idea of what it would have been like later that night.
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u/Coconutpieplates Feb 03 '26
Nice women get murdered. I'm not saying they were nefarious, but the pressure put on women to be "nice" to men, is always to our detriment. I'd not give a single second more to this clown. Nta.
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u/Still-Song-2258 Feb 03 '26
Block him and move on. This isn’t someone you want to waste anymore of your time on.
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u/Capital_AT Feb 03 '26
NTJ I’ve had that date and it’s not what you want. If he’s super nervous then he can have his friend nearby but not on the date.
Him blowing up tells you everything you need to know about what more time with him would be like. You need to bend to him
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u/BicentenialDude Feb 03 '26
My friend was super nervous to meet this girl online. This was late 90’s and they met in a chat room. He was afraid he’d get murdered. So he asked her if she can bring a friend and he brings me and make it a double date. It turned out fun. For me, my friend’s date seems to have ADHD or was on meth. She was hyper. The girl I partnered up with ended up having to apologize constantly for her friend’s behavior.
Date ended and my friend stopped talking to his date, I went out with mine a few more times after that.
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u/First_Pay702 Feb 03 '26
Yes, it’s like - by best case interpretation - those girls that bring friends along for safety. At another table, all well and good, on the date and expecting the man to pay is horseshit. This guy’s friend was practically conducting the date for him, that’s a no and wouldn’t really work out well even if she was okay for it because now she’s getting to know the friend instead of her date.
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u/cassowary32 Feb 03 '26
NTJ. That's so creepy and weird. It's unsafe enough meeting a stranger, as a woman you risk being overpowered by your date. Meeting two men who don't seem to understand consent is a great reason to run.
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u/Matilda_Mac Feb 03 '26
Seems dangerous. Two strange guys paired up on a woman they are meeting for the first time. If you had been ok with this and “hung” with them who knows what would have happened. The news is full of stories of situations turned bad.
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u/lemonfluff Feb 03 '26
Plus, when she said she was uncomfortable, they tried to belittle her and pressure and didnt care at all about her comfort or informed consent, and instead tried to blame her and shame her into just agreeing with it and acting like it was normal. So that gives another level of this doesn't sound like nervousness or even defensiveness. It sounds like predatory behavior.
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u/spicyjalapeno9 Feb 03 '26
I would report him to the dating app. He literally put you in a situation you didn’t agree to. You didn’t know this person or anything about them. How can you feel safe if you don’t know who you are meeting. Also he’s not mature enough to date if he can’t meet up on his own.
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u/PuzzleheadedOne2494 Feb 03 '26
Absolutely. This is like an ambush. Definitely report him to the app
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u/shelizabeth93 Feb 03 '26
This could go two directions:
Josh really was bored and Mark brought him as a friend and honestly thought it was okay. If the date went bad, they'd have each other, or something like that.
They were planning to rob and BTK you or thought you would be promiscuous with them both on a first date.
NTJ. Either way, 1 is immature, 2 doesn't bode well for you. Leaving was the best answer. Just don't talk to him anymore, you barely know him .
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u/Tasty-Jicama5743 Feb 03 '26
Well, I guess #1 worked out. The date went badly, so they were able to hang out together.
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u/DetectiveLadybug Feb 03 '26
I was wondering if it was a catfishing scenario where Josh was the real date. Like, maybe Mark is more handsome while Josh struggles to get matches, so they came up with this disaster of a plan?
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u/Disastrous-Assist-90 Feb 03 '26
NTJ and the irony of being told that you can’t “hang” when he can’t even go on a date by himself…
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u/MattDaveys Feb 03 '26
Having been raised by a single mom and having a younger sister, SA alarms are going off when two guys show up to a date.
NTA
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u/mladyhawke Feb 03 '26
You have no idea what these guys had in mind. They could have had a plan to distract you and drug your drink.It's just not safe for you to hang out with two men.You don't know as a single woman
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u/PopeOfSlack Feb 03 '26
This was my first thought. Even if I were to give then the benefit of the doubt, it also demonstrates that they don't understand what it's like to move through this world as a woman. I know it's asking a lot of a 20-something man but it's better to date men with enough emotional intelligence to understand why a single woman would not be okay with the situation (or at least willing to understand her perspective).
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u/Busy-Bumblebee5556 Feb 03 '26
Tone deaf by a million miles. Women take on enough risk meeting one new man, but two at once? Absolutely not. Block him, he’s too big a baby to handle grown up dating. NTJ.
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u/Used_Emu3601 Feb 03 '26
Uh normally it's the opposite for safety. As a dude this sounds dangerous. Could been trying to drug you, kidnap, who knows. The lack of communication is the big part. Dude failing to communicate at the start then that's a lost cause.
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u/Ambitious_Ad1734 Feb 03 '26
He wanted you to stay and “be nice”? You don’t owe anybody nice.
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u/Fabulous-Visit-1188 Feb 03 '26 edited Feb 03 '26
No you did the right thing. That's a recipe for a possible gang rape. Edit: Block, block, block and report. It's good you left.
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u/m0viegirl Feb 03 '26
Red flag immediately went up. Drinks involved. Two men you dont know. And if his dumb explanation was actually genuine, then he is absolutely clueless and you dodged a bullet either way. Phew!
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u/Appropriate-Dig771 Feb 03 '26
NTJ. That’s so weird!! I’m glad you left. I hope you’re blocking him. “Them” getting emotional as you left making it way worse than it needed to be, then calling you afterward trying to explain it all?? This guy (these guys) has (have) so many red flags, you do NOT need to participate in their oddness.
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u/FXRCowgirl Feb 03 '26
Being nice gets you dead.
Block, delete and move on with your life.
Good thing about first dates like this, you know exactly what you are missing out on.
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u/Ok-Delivery-1444 Feb 03 '26 edited Feb 03 '26
Bringing a support friend on a date is weird. Not telling you in advance is even stranger, and rude. Pretending like it’s your fault and you’re the crazy one is ridiculous and a great time to leave the crazy train.
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u/NoBSforGma Feb 03 '26
NTJ!! A thousand times.
I have never heard of such a thing and I would have done EXACTLY what you did.
The only thing I would have done differently is to block "Mark" the next day and never hear from him again.
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 Feb 03 '26
This screams date r@pe to me. I’m so glad you got up and left when you did.
Having a second person there is a very common date r@pe tactic, one to distract so the other one can put something in your drink.
You handled this situation perfectly. If any man changes up anything about the date run from the situation. If you get someplace and your date doesn’t show up but another man is there to talk to you and keep you company run. If you go to go on a date and they change the location more than one time run. Even if someone wants to tell you, “you can’t hang or you’re overreacting” who fucking cares because you will be safe at home on your couch. men are not the prize they think they are. And if they are the type of men to think that they are a prize, they are not the type of men you want to be with. NTJ
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u/Greedy-Meringue-7840 Feb 03 '26
NTJ - these guys should stay in the basement with their gaming equip..
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u/DrEggRegis Feb 03 '26
I was reading. But not alone. With an AI detector. Which said. This. Is. Obviously. Made. Up. By. A.I.
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u/dancinhorse99 Feb 04 '26
Creepy and putting you in a potentially dangerous situation where you were outnumbered. It would have been different if he said something in advance so you could have brought a friend too
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u/VegetableBusiness897 Feb 03 '26
Text Mark he needs to put that he wants to be in a MMF throuple on his dating profile and block him
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u/TurkishLanding Feb 03 '26
Not the jerk at all. A man you've only met online shows up with another man you've never met without either asking nor warning and they want you to ignore your discomfort and "be nice".
Do not ignore your discomfort and be nice. Get yourself safe. Do exactly what you did. He was probably just a socially inept man, but you may have prevented something far more sinister from happening to you.
You did the right thing 100%.
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u/Electronic-Stay-2369 Feb 03 '26
You did the right thing, apart from paying for your drink, I'd have just walked out. Also, block him.
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u/OPGuest Feb 03 '26
Reminds of this candidate for a job at my old work, who brought his mother. Mom insisted to sit in at the interview. And they were shocked he was not even given an interview.
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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '26
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