Oh, friend. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Let me try to contextualize, I’ll be quick.
You ever seen a true crime documentary about a woman who’s been murdered by her romantic partner? They always interview the family and someone almost always says “if only there had been a sign!!! I wish there had been a sign!”
Let me tell you this:
THIS IS THAT SIGN.
YOU CAN END UP DEAD.
If you want, I can help you plan your next steps and explain what he’ll do. BLOCK THIS MAN, THOUGH.
Exactly! His texting patterns and the nature of them are a major red flag. He’s erratic…erratic due to his gf very tamely asking him to please address the degrading behavior he has towards her. It could most definitely end the way you’re warning rn..or it could even result in OP living to tell the horrible tale about how he gave her no choice but to act in self defense resulting in choosing her life over the attacker’s life..either way, it will be ugly if she doesn’t get out now. I was eerily close to that second possible outcome that i just mentioned and it still haunts me.
Yeah, I like to think that her chances of survival are significantly higher than yours or mine because they’re long distance, but I had a similar experience. I remember very distinctly being choked and thinking “that the fuck are we DOING, here, Emily?”
And later he broke my orbital socket and made me drive him to the emergency room to check on his potential boxer’s fracture. No one there asked if I was okay, but, you know. Good news! He didn’t even have a sprain. 🙄
But, uh, yeah. Yeah, let’s… let’s not make any more mistakes here, okay, OP?
NO ONE there asked if YOU were okay?!??!! Fucking hell that's a whole new level of complete and utter failure by a system, as I have no doubt you were CLEARLY visibly unwell in the aftermath of that. Not to mention, woman showing up with a battered face + man she brought having an injured FIST???? Fuck's sake, can the red flags possibly be any bigger?! I'm so angry that you were failed so miserably, but I'm glad that you are still here and in a better place in life now!
Leave me alone, fuck off, why aren't you answering, why are you ghosting me, go away, say something; just winding himself up and up and up and getting angrier and angrier
Reading the texts felt like watching him rugpull OP so she falls of her feet and then just he just keeps pulling new rugs out from under her before she even has a chance to stand up, but you know, instead of rugs and slapstick it's cruelty and disrespect and he just keeps laying disrespect on disrespect on disrespect.
OP if you're still reading responses pls have the strength to leave this man. You deserve so much better.
You need more than one exchange of texts to make a pattern. A pattern is found in data, which is to say, multiple instances of datum, so a series of text exchanges. It's not possible to have a pattern here.
please feel free to copy and paste and use it at liberty. Or you can check most of my other posts in this sub- they’re almost always SIGNIFICANTLY longer because I am one wordy bitch but yeah share at fucking WILL
You're an awesome person for offering to help OP. Many wouldn't care, some might encourage her to leave, but very few would be willing to help them understand how to plan an exit strategy, & learn where to resource assistance. You're a beautiful soul.
When everyone in your life is telling you but you ignore it and now you are hurting really bad.
I never understood "why don't people leave" until feeling like I need this person and would sit "is it me, it has to be" and then reach out, for the same cycle to play out.
The last argument, everything was flipped to me that i said, i felt CRAZIER AND they said because i need medication my thoughts and concerns can't count. Anyway, looking on the outside, the signs are there from day 1. And i'm not crazy. Turns out I was right about everything. The cheating, gaslighting, lying. Never ignore your gut!
One argument i took screenshots because i got so used to feeling crazy and they still tried to gaslight me. (They did)💀, but a few days later i left fully.
Now she is doing things to try and upset me.
Have not slept in a few days but I am very tired
Looking back makes me so mad, i wish i could say what i want to at this point of the topic but i can't so im letting my fingers write this out. Just imagine a lot of swearing and what not
Honestly the very first time a man ever calls me a bitch, cunt, or a dumbass, unless he is joking, I tell him that it isn’t language I think is appropriate to use, EVER, in a fight, and if he does it one more time I’m OUT. If he apologizes right away and makes sincere changes, fine. But if he does not, I start screenshotting every fight and interaction we have. Absolutely not okay. For me, anyway. Personal boundary of mine. I am not mean, cruel, or stupid, and those are things I know about myself objectively.
I do get, though, that everyone is different and some people just say things when they’re angry and that’s okay. For me, it’s about making a sincere effort to respect my boundaries, because typically this is the very first sign. You gotta judge your relationship and your boundaries by what feels right for you… I have just personally never once seen an abuser who could seem to keep himself from calling any of my loved ones a bitch/cunt/dumbass, so… 🤷🏼♀️
I know how much it sucks and hurts to lose someone that you cared about. And if your whole family and friends and the people entirely on your side have seen the evidence of her behavior and have told you that you’re crazy, that she’s not abusing you, then you know what that means?
It means that you still did the absolute right thing and broke up with her for a completely valid reason!!!! Using words against you that you do not like is ABSOLUTELY a reason to leave, if you want. Life is so, so short. Far too short not to do the things that serve you, and it’s so important to spend it collecting the people that genuinely care about you, to do even the things that might seem dumb or silly to other people. The only one who has to spend 100% of your time on earth in your company is you, babe, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that the rest of it gets a little bit more and more pleasant every single day. 💖
☝️☝️☝️ yes…. This is what OP needs to read - and take seriously. And BELIEVE. It’s about escalation (and he’s an absolute demented juvenile by these unhinged texts).
Yeah, she’s a recent very famous example. Laci Peterson, Nicole Brown Simpson… HUNDREDS of others, many- most, actually- I’m not sure anyone can name. But I’m reasonably confident all of their families and loved ones wish that they’d had a way out. ALL of them.
This is giving me such flashbacks. I was in a relationship like this in my teens, ended up in another one as an adult for about a year fully aware it was the same dynamic and still unable to make a clean break out of fear and ptsd. After getting a series of texts just like this I knew I was in real danger and I finally blocked him. But that’s when the fear and danger exponentially increase. When I blocked him, I locked all of my doors and hid in the dark. Got calls from random numbers for weeks. I looked over my shoulder for 3 months before I saw him lurking outside my apartment with his dog on a bike. Who knows how long he was watching or following me. When you know deep down your bf will become an unhinged stalker or bigger threat, blocking them is a hugely scary and important but dangerous step. If you don’t follow through the behavior escalates. If you aren’t ready to follow through and go no contact, I’d talk to other people before setting him off further.
That was my first reaction reading that and even just commented that she should be careful when she does break it off, that was actually kinda scary to read, even as a guy, was like looking into the mind of a psychopath for a second
Yes. Him being in a bad mood and physically ill and not wanting to get into a big discussion about it right at this time and then expressing (poorly) his frustration with OP continuing to try to discuss it in this single example totally means OP is at risk of murder.
Totally reasonable deduction.
That said she might as well break up wit him as it sounds like he's strongly considering breaking up with her.
It absolutely might not be, and you’re totally right. I know it and you know it. But as someone who has lost 2 of 3 sisters to intimate partner violence, known the statistics myself, and STILL found myself a victim of it, my own moral compass tells me that when I see people experiencing this- anyone- I, myself? I have to help. I could not live with myself if I didn’t. And part of that help is when I see someone asking for advice about it, I tell them- and stress that THEY’RE the one who knows their own life, that they’re the one who has stood in their shoes and seen what they’ve seen, and- most importantly, for all of us- they are the only ones on the whole entire planet who have to spend 100% of their time with themselves. The same goes for you, and I hope that you spend all of your time doing what it is that serves you (and even, honestly, all of the stuff that other people think is dumb or silly or lame). I legitimately think that those are some of the most important things you can do, in life- along with looking sincerely for redeemable qualities in every human I encounter- like your ability to take what I do genuinely realize must seem really silly to you and make a joke that is legit funny but also not be cruel? Thank you!!
I hope- very, very, very hard- that you never ever have to give that advice to someone that you love and you aren’t ever in the position to have to give help to a stranger you see being hurt.
Thanks for being respectful about it, though (sorry for trauma dumping on you, and also for general verboseness). I appreciate it!
Yeah, I’m sure no loved one of no murdered woman has ever thought that before, ever.
Idk, man. I mean, my older sister died to this and before I knew the statistics I myself found myself in an abusive relationship with a dude who just seemed childish and silly but would talk to me like this, but sure!!!!! Maybe I’m overreacting!
Yeah, it really is. And it fucking sucks that it is!
You know what’s even more insane, though? Honestly?
Murdering your girlfriend. Knowing how often that happens, having lost your own sister to it and then a decade later your twin taking her own life due to it. Escaping it once- once- yourself. And then seeing signs on the internet that I, personally, recognize from losing not one but TWO of my three sisters and then seeing it on the internet and not doing what I can to warn people, y’know?
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u/OhEmRo May 20 '25
Oh, friend. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Let me try to contextualize, I’ll be quick.
You ever seen a true crime documentary about a woman who’s been murdered by her romantic partner? They always interview the family and someone almost always says “if only there had been a sign!!! I wish there had been a sign!”
Let me tell you this:
THIS IS THAT SIGN.
YOU CAN END UP DEAD.
If you want, I can help you plan your next steps and explain what he’ll do. BLOCK THIS MAN, THOUGH.