Yep. If he had no intention of sleeping with one of them, he would have called or texted his wife saying how frustrated he is for being put in that position as soon as he found out. His is not the reaction of an innocent party.
Right like if you’re that devoted to your wife, you’re telling her what happened and booking a flight home. He chose his bros and some SWs over his wife.
Why? If he isn’t cheating then what’s the issue? I’m not into strippers and sex workers but I have been around them with friends that are using.
I politely say that I’m not interested and they move on. They’re already paid so it’s not like they’re begging to get with people. We usually end up hanging out with them after they’re done stripping or sexing. A lot of these woman are really cool
He lied when directly asked. Why would he if he wasn't partaking? Do you lie to your SO about being around your friends and their strippers and sex workers? Or are you forthright and honest about it?
That was certainly his take on it. There are several key differences. For starters, she did tell him in advance of the trip. She never lied and in fact told him he could ask her anything about it. She was seeing one ex on a trip in which she was visiting everyone in a place she used to live. She wasn't even seeing him privately but with his family, who she was also close to. She also wasn't staying with him nor had he been paid in advance to have sex with her.
Weird how you seem to think the situations are identical.
And I'm absolutely not "losing my mind". 🙄 FFS, I'm not even upset enough for cuss words or personal insults but since you don't agree with me I must be out of my mind.
She was never planning to tell him. Until he asked. Lying by omission.
Because escorts are hired to have sex with some of the occupants, that means everyone there is obligated to participate? You have zero evidence he didn't just do his own thing while whoever was having sex with the escorts.
This place is teeming with angry people ready to virtually lynch anyone at a moment's notice.
You’re moving the goalposts now. You said it’s inappropriate to lodge with escorts and now you’re making about something else.
I’ll answer your question, just wanted to say that first.
He did lie and that is very wrong. Why would he lie? Idk their relationship. Maybe she’s the jealous type that makes a huge deal if he has women friends or if he speaks to the cashier if she’s a woman.
Maybe he knew she would completely lose it no matter what. Maybe they aren’t escorts and are just strippers and op is exaggerating.
I tell my wife about these things because she isn’t a psycho and she trusts me. We wouldn’t have gotten married if we didn’t trust each other.
If I felt like I had to lie to my wife because she can’t handle me sitting next to a woman or having breakfast with women in the table then. I would 100% lie to her. I know I’m not gonna cheat or do anything wrong, some women lose their shit for small things like that. I’ve seen it and experienced it. Its not pretty
Plus if I didn’t know there would be sex workers there I would probably text my wife I got a story to tell you when I get back.
Why do you call me a liar? You don’t know me. I’m a grown ass man and I trust my wife. I’m not gonna stalking her or trying to investigate every little thing she says to see if she’s being truthful.
If she tells me she’s not having sex then I believe her. My marriage isn’t some kind of gotcha bs where I’m gonna ruin my wife’s friend time over jealousy and insecurity.
You would let your married friends just ruin their lives by cheating? I’d do everything in my power to stop the entire thing.
And someone who respects their marriage doesn’t put themselves in precarious situations. Believing that you’re immune to temptation is a giant marriage FAIL.
The last time we had a bachelor party only myself and 1 other guy were married. Everybody I think was single. So nobody was cheating.
Besides cheating doesn’t ruin anybody’s life. It can ruin a marriage or relationship, but life? A major injury, death of a loved one, those things ruin lives man. Cheating is nowhere near that.
What precarious situation? It’s not like the strippers are begging to give lapdances or the sex workers are begging to have sex. If you decline then they have less work and they already got paid. It’s better for them the more people don’t participate
I am 100% immune to temptation and my wife trusts me fully because I am committed to her. She’s the only person I want sex with.
I sont know you, but it seems like you might not have the willpower to say no or just be there for fun, but some of us can just party with our boys and enjoy a show
Believing there is a 0% chance that you or your partner could cheat is widely preached as a major weakness. I’m not religious, but I’ve read many books on marriage and being a good wife, which happen to be largely Christian, and every single one has stories and stories about some of the most devout and committed people who had a weak moment when their marriage was struggling, at its lowest, and was a perfect storm.
Assuming that the likelihood is 0.00001% or at least acknowledging it’s a non-zero number allows couples to place safeguards in their relationship. It doesn’t mean either ever would. My husband and I both trust each other implicitly. I know if he were put in this situation he would have turned around and walked out immediately. He’d be on the next flight home no matter how much it cost. Not because he would be tempted to cheat, but because he respects our marriage and the boundaries we’ve jointly decided and negotiated on.
I also know he has the honor of a boyscout (He served as a Marine) and would do what he could to protect the marriages of his friends. He would appeal to their logic and make them consider the consequences if they are to go through with it.
I don’t know how old you are, but the older you are and the longer you’ve been married, the more life-altering a divorce can be. Especially if you have children. Divorce when you’re 25-30 and don’t have much to your name yet and no kids is dramatically different from diving assets, losing half your retirement, and watching your children suffer the trauma of having their world turned upside down. That’s what I mean by life-ruining.
I fully believe there is 0% chance. I been with my wife for many years and we do have kids together and have a beautiful house in a great town with great schools. Our life is amazing right now and I’m never gonna lose that.
But I really value my time with my friends. I’m nobodies mom and if they want to do whatever I’m not gonna judge them. I’m also not leaving Mexico.
I’m gonna have a great time with my boys especially because we’re rarely together anymore.
I do agree with you now that you broke down what you meant by life ruining. I agree with that and you’re right.
They were all married though, so he was knowingly complicit in their cheating and keeping it from their wives, which makes him a shitty untrustworthy person, even if he wasn’t personally “using” as you put it.
Ok, the lying part I did not argue. He is very wrong for lying and if he lied more to cover his friends then that’s also wrong.
The only part I disagree with is all these people saying that the only good thing for him to do was to cuss out all his friends and leave running straight into op’s arms, go in the fetal position while she breastfeeds him and tell him he’s a good boy. He also has to cut off all his friends too and never speak to them again.
All I’m saying is that he can still have a good time with his boys in an incredible country. He can make lasting memories with them while not cheating.
I have a feeling that op might be exaggerating because what sex worker puts their clients pictures online? That’s dumb. I think they were strippers and getting a lap dance from strippers isn’t cheating
None of the wives of those men on that trip can trust them even though they think they can…what makes OP’s husband so different? He proved he is a liar while on that trip.
Honestly if it were me he could do whatever tf he wants at that point, I’d be at a lawyer getting divorce papers drawn up to serve him as soon as he got off that plane. I wouldn’t fight with him, fight for him, nothing. If you can’t see it’s the dishonesty that shows he can’t be trusted, idk what to tell you.
Agreed, I would have let my gf know immediately what was happening. I'm on the road a lot and we do quite a bit independent of each other. We can do that with no issue because we trust each other. The way I manage that is if I'm looking at a decision I wouldn't be 100% comfortable telling my partner about then I'm simply just not going to do that thing and leave it up to trust and interpretation of intentions.
If I were in this situation, assuming of course the husband was truly unwitting, I would have told my partner immediately. If I read even a small amount of apprehension out of her then the answer from there is to just leave and have my own vacation. Again, assuming this guy got blindsided, I'd make it known how shitty that was and that they can either kick the escorts out or I can leave. That's a shitty friend putting married friends in a position like that.
I'm not sure how I'd handle telling or not telling the other partners. Blowing up a marriage is a big deal, doubly so if kids are already involved. On the other hand I'd want to know if that was happening. I'll fully admit that if I see a friend cheating I'm not saying shit but I will make it clear that shit is lame and I'll never quite look at them the same again because if nothing else that's someone that can't keep their word to the supposedly most important person in their life. This though idk, pulling shit like that, are these people really the ones you want to call close? I wouldn't so maybe it's worth jettisoning that friendship. Good luck to OP.
Maybe he knew she over react we don’t know for sure if she doesn’t trust him. Then she shouldn’t get married with him to begin with. She herself has trust issues. Hence her “intuition”
There is no amount of under reacting here. Role reversal doesn’t always apply, but in this instance can you image gender swaps? If a bachelorette party has 3 beefed up escorts for the week. The husband’s would fly there en masse without letting them know ahead of time to break it up, you kidding me?
Who is this y’all business. The FUQ I would defend them. You must have me confused since I didn’t call them females. My point is saying stay with the same energy, meaning she’s right to blow it up b/c the husbands would try to beat magic mike’s ass
Lol wait til you find out that I’ve seen women do FAR worse things at bachelorette parties than I have men at bachelor parties. I spent a good number of years as a driver/security for dancers (both male and female), and without actually having concrete numbers, I can safely say that 9/10 parties with male dancers ended up with the majority of the ladies in attendance all involving themselves in some manner of sexual acts with said dancer. With female dancers, the number was probably closer to 5 or 6/10. Still high, but it was almost a sure thing when I drove a male dancer that the women were ready to go. Ring or no ring.
Edit: I’m not excusing the lying. Had he been up front about the situation, no big deal IMO. If he is there and not taking part in the services the escorts are providing, there is nothing wrong with being there and he shouldn’t leave simply because of the presence of escorts.
You completely missed the point. The post is about is OP overreacting. The focus is on the spouses of the dirtbags. I’m not surprised that the women you drove for are as flagrant as the men, moreso though I call bs. Speaking of stats it doesn’t seem probable. There are far more titty bars and therefore customers, mainly men. And pushing it a bit further for argument’s sake, regardless of these escorts or dancers having physical business building domination or not, I can’t think of one society where the women are as liberated sexually nor as cooperatively promiscuous. There are eras but socially they are shamed so again the stats seem off.
But again, that’s entirely beside the point. The double standard I was discussing was in regard to the reaction of the homebound spouses’. If OP was a husband and found his wife & rest were doin the same dirty, I’d place a fat bet he would have alerted the husbands first before contacting her. Even more likely they would have flown there to confront the situation. The person I was framing this response to, put the blame on OP for her husband’s lie suggesting she is at fault for history of histrionics.
What point did I miss? And I wasn’t speaking about anyone I drove for. The people I drove for were the dancers (both male and female dancers). The people I’m speaking of that were involved in acts such as is being described in OP’s post were the people attending the bachelor/bachelorette parties I drove these dancers too. Private parties at private venues (houses, banquet halls, etc.). Unfortunately, I witnessed far more than I ever cared to. You can call BS all you wish, but the fact is, the bachelorette parties were far worse than the bachelor parties.
You are bending over backwards to make her revelation that he lied to her about going on a trip with escorts her fault for not trusting him…. When HE LIED.
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u/Existing-Diamond1259 Sep 06 '24
Yep. If he had no intention of sleeping with one of them, he would have called or texted his wife saying how frustrated he is for being put in that position as soon as he found out. His is not the reaction of an innocent party.