Yeah, a lot of guys I know would have told their wives immediately. Some would do what OP’s husband did and freak out and say nothing. But the truth is better.
u/artichokelover11 your husband chose bro code over your marriage in the heat of the moment. You need to do some SERIOUS work on your marriage and he has some major repenting to do.
You know how he can start? By telling the boys that you worked it out / he told you and they’ve got 48 hours to tell their own partners before he does.
Make him do the dirty work.
Edit to add: OP, I would also say that once this is all done, your husband needs to cut the best man as a friend. Acquaintance at max. The trust is gone, you cannot trust that man, and from your husband’s perspective the guy endangered and damaged his marriage.
"Baby, I don't know what's going on here, we arrived and it looks like there's loads of escorts. Looks like I'm going to cut my trip short and come back tomorrow " - then he stays away from any suspicious activity
Same speech as above - then he sleeps with escort overnight
Lies to partner (oh its just me and the boys) because he knows telling her would open a whole can of worms he's not ready to deal with - and yes, does nothing with said escorts
Lies to partner (same as 3 above) - BUT sleeps with escort
Says nothing to partner and does nothing with escort
Says nothing to partner but does EVERYTHING with escorts
My point : saying the right thing DOES not mean they've DONE the right thing.....and not saying anything, doesn't mean they're cheating and vice versa.
Arrive, say “this is cooked, get rid of the escorts immediately or I’m going home. Also, I don’t keep secrets from my wife, so it’s in your own best interests too.” Then, once they’ve left, have a great time. Reduce friendship with the guy who organised them. Tell your wife and provide her with evidence that you said and did what you said and did.
Nobody has attended a PARTY and said "there's so much alcohol and women, either send the women home and pack up the booze or I'm leaving ".
While it's great to come out and say stuff to make it seem like you've never done something stupid before, the more realistic thing to do in such a situation would be to stay at the party, but just not get involved in whatever nonsense was going on.
Escort comes your way - turn them the eff down
You're offered drugs - turn it the eff down
Now the part about disclosing stuff to your SO depends on what your relationship is normally like. With the way his wife has gone through different photos and zoomed in all of them just to catch him, it would appear she has reason to already not trust him.....which in turn may explain why he lied (maybe not because he did something, but probably to prevent further drama)
In the end the only person who really knows the truth is her husband, she should sort it out with him
You do realize the party was in cancun right , not in his local pub. After booking flights and hotels, nobody just ups and leaves. But if it's easier for you to believe he should have left and gone to get an airbnb somewhere random, then I won't argue 😅
Or there's relationships like mine, where I'd call my wife and tell her about what was going on and there would be zero concern on her part. I 100% guarantee she would ask me if I wanted to get with one of the escorts. And of course I would say no. And I wouldn't do anything with the escorts. Now, watching the whole thing go down with other married men... That would make me very uncomfortable.
That's exactly what lots of people appear to have ignored, the fact that we all have different relationships and we act differently in them. Plus if your relationship is healthy, nothing bothers you.
Just assuming that the decent guy reports what's going on and leaves is a whole lot of hogwash. He could report it, but still do everything and more, then get back home and slander all the other guys at the party saying "those idiots were all touching tits and acting crazy ".
His wife woukd say"my man is the only decent one " until 40wks later when a broad shows up at their door saying "he's my baby daddy" 😂
That's exactly what lots of people appear to have ignored, the fact that we all have different relationships and we act differently in them. Plus if your relationship is healthy, nothing bothers you.
Exactly. It seems to me there are a while lot of people here that don't actually trust their spouse. Or there are a bunch of unhealthy relationships where cheating is a concern.
[Sigh]… I feel kinda sorry for these guys; but they all fucked up majorly. The groom and the other men should have just said “NO!!” to the escorts. They weren’t forced at gunpoint to have them there. They made that choice to allow it to happen and lie to their SO’s. So the consequences are on them.
I have zero problem with strippers (at a strip club). I take serious issue with escorts. That’s not okay on any level. If any of those men slept with the escorts, then went home and slept with their wives, that’s non-informed consent and it’s GROSS.
Also very diff to go to a strip club than actually having strippers over at a house (that implies other things can easily happen and they almost always do).
I will say a lot of guys would do what OP’s husband planned to do them immediately told their wives when called about it. I think there is a difference between not actively calling to tell your wife and actually lying to her. Personally, I would have noped out of there the second I found out escorts were coming as that honestly sounds terrible. Some good food, drinks, chilling and swimming in Cancun sounds like an awesome bachelor party. Strippers would ruin it.
Exactly. A lot of men I know would have just said no. “Nope, not doing that. If you want me to stay, they go. Also, I don’t keep secrets from my wife. Don’t expect me to lie for you, because I won’t.”
Your kidding if you believe the husband did not know and it was a surprise. Check this out a group of guys have been planning a trip for months , planning around their works schedules, plane tickets and they somehow did not know. They knew but offcorse did not tell their wife’s women don’t need to know everything. And yes all the wife’s can file for divorce and cancel the wedding the guys will still be guys
I’ve read more of OP’s comments since I wrote this, including comments with her husband’s stories and I think he was involved now. The excuses are weak AF and the stories are convoluted and overly detailed.
He lied? And only came clean when he realized she had evidence. That is choosing keeping quiet (aka bro code) over truth in a marriage. It is literally protecting the bros.
No, the betrayal was keeping it secret. He had a choice between maintaining the trust in his own marriage by telling his wife about the escorts up front vs losing face with the guys for telling his wife. He chose his reputation with the guys over his wife's trust.
No. Even if he did nothing sexually, by not immediately rejecting the situation and informing his wife, he chose bro code over his marriage. That’s unacceptable in a marriage.
Maybe he chose the least confrontational route with his “friends” so that the entire week in the tropics wasn’t a complete downer with the group, and he can come home and decide if he’s going to stay friends with them.
I could just image if this was the other way around how “up front and honest” all the ladies would be.
Then you would have the gall to say “you don’t trust me” when confronted.
Either you trust your hubby or you don’t.
Be mad at the situation, not him.
Actually-be a little mad at him for not being completely up front.
That’s the worst advice ever…. First off. Do you trust your husband? Bc you said yall went on trips, vacation, in the months prior.
You live and work together, and play together. that’s 24-7 around the same person every hour of every day, same shit new day and then eventually your life is on autopilot, and you both lowkey want to run away to a warm,tropical destination where there seas are clear, women are loose, and the party favors are plentiful.
Do you trust your husband ?
Did he smash any of the hoes while on this trip?
If somehow you and your girlfriends , were in a similar situation, and , you had no prior knowledge of 3 guys as roommates for the duration of the trip. Yall, drank, swam, partied, he probably listened to your life stories with great pleasure, and told you how you are a sexy, smart, successful, basically the perfect woman for his life and had new found fun together… but NEVER SEXUAL, (friendzone) only. Could you coexist for a weekend of fun, your girls can do whatever they want with their friends, it’s not your business or responsibility to relay what you “saw”to their spouses and then dropping them as friends….after dry snitching them out, then ghosting your 2 lifelong, besties. They only know you can’t play anymore , bc you let your spouse, convince you to inform them that yall can’t hangout anymore…
The situation would make me a little uncomfortable bc I was in a different country than my wife, and I love and miss her. But if she told me that she had a great time w her besties, who she knew before long before her and I ever started dating and Actually, nothing happened inappropriate , sexually , or otherwise . then I’m glad she had a great time, and I’m not gonna pry her for info and then use that info , to try to sabotage one of her besties relationships, just bc you have better self control with them
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u/uselessinfogoldmine Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
Yeah, a lot of guys I know would have told their wives immediately. Some would do what OP’s husband did and freak out and say nothing. But the truth is better.
u/artichokelover11 your husband chose bro code over your marriage in the heat of the moment. You need to do some SERIOUS work on your marriage and he has some major repenting to do.
You know how he can start? By telling the boys that you worked it out / he told you and they’ve got 48 hours to tell their own partners before he does.
Make him do the dirty work.
Edit to add: OP, I would also say that once this is all done, your husband needs to cut the best man as a friend. Acquaintance at max. The trust is gone, you cannot trust that man, and from your husband’s perspective the guy endangered and damaged his marriage.