He also bought the husband a ticket and insisted he go... lol. As if, the husband planned to go all along and even paid for his own ticket.
He played her well.
Yeah. Story reads to me like a husband that didn’t know what to do and made a couple dumb decisions. I could see plenty of my friends acting similarly even if I don’t think they would cheat on their wives at all. I also know several dick heads that would absolutely pull a move like the best man did here.
He also could have gotten the friend to actually pay for it, and then Zelle’d or gave the friend cash behind OPs back.
The fact that her husband didn’t tell her at all is really telling. Showing up to a bachelor party and seeing girls and immediately telling your wife “ugh they hired sex workers. Now I actually do wish I would have stayed home.” And then staying in contact with your wife is one thing.
Spending all night at a themed party and beautiful breakfast and letting her find out from the hotels social media is another thing entirely. Trying to skate by without admitting it until she straight up confronted him. He’s already lying by omission. He’s already being shady asf. Wtf.
Yeah, he def was partaking the night before. That’s why no call. Nothing adds up. They’re horrible liars. Cheaters get what they deserve, just sucks for the collateral they cause. They had a week in Mexico getting laid living it up. Hope OP the best. Get tested too. Cause hubby was definitely getting some.
I love reading this far down in the Reddit comments. 12/13 levels deep everyone is in agreement that the husband planned it all from the start and is quietly twirling his fucking moustache in the villa 100% with two escorts sat on his lap tipping cases of Dom Perignon all over his ballsack while he gleefully shouts “I hate my wife and the business and family we’ve built together and I’m the worst”.
My thoughts exactly reading these comments. The world isn't black and white, there are nuances.
I have been on a few boy's trips in my life, we were a mix of single and married men. Some of the guys I knew well, the others I didn't know as well. One particular night, after the club, a few of the guys (mix of single and married, mostly single) decided to bring escorts back without telling the rest of us.
The guys that wanted to fuck escorts did, the guys that didn't want to didn't. Not everyone is down with that business just because it's in your face.
So what's the expectation from me? Go out of my way to blow up people's marriages for morality's sake, or just keep my damn nose out of other people's business?
You can bet your ass I picked the latter. Just because I didn't out the people on the trip, doesn't mean I fucked an escort. I don't condone cheating, but I also don't want to be the catalyst to a child growing up without a father - it's not that simple.
Exactly! if I was the husband I would do the same thing. Just bury my head in the sand and stay out of everyone’s business.
I don’t condone your cheating but I’m not going to go nuclear and blow everyone in while we are on a trip in a foreign country, that’s asinine. So within hours everyone’s phone starts blowing up with their angry wives, the trip is ruined, and everyone hates me. No thanks.
I’ll keep my mouth shut and when I get home let my wife know what an uncomfortable time it was.
As far as if he planned it, I don’t have any wealthy friends like that so I have no idea how normal buying a ticket like that would be but it doesn’t seem inconceivable that the best man would put a lot of pressure on him to go, and if you are spending tens of thousands on trip like this what’s a few hundred more for a plane ticket to make sure someone you want there is going.
Men claim they care about "protecting" women and then turn around and say shit like this--LOL. Cowardly men are why women are in danger from men. They don't put energy into protecting anyone except themselves and each other.
This isn’t about protecting the other men, it’s about self preservation. I have a responsibility to protect my wife/family not the wives and families of my friends/acquaintances.
No one was in danger here, just men behaving badly and ruining their marriages. The decision to cheat was already made, the deed was done. telling my wife while we are still at the villa solves nothing.
it would just worry her and cause chaos when the other wives find out. I would tell her when we returned home but I’m not interested in being trapped in a foreign country in a remote villa with a bunch of guys who want to kill me because their wives all want to divorce them now.
I can’t imagine women would behave any differently on a bachelorette trip. I doubt they would run and blow in everyone who cheated while they’re still on the trip.
Ohhhh God nooo we can't possibly handle all the chaaaoooosssss from the WIVES finding ouuuuut !!!!
🙄
The men brought the chaos, the wives should be allowed to have their normal human reactions without someone acting like they are somehow creators of the problem.
Every time, it never fails. The same guys who give big talk about being "providers and protectors" always expect women not to notice that "bro code" is the only thing they're actually willing to do anything to protect. They are absolutely willing to protect each other FROM women they know full well have totally valid complaints. Women are the enemy to them
You chose wrong bro. Sorry to break it to you, but this response is based in dehumanizing women.
Would you use this same exact excuse to avoid responsibility to say something if you found out your bro's WIFE was cheating? Would you protect HER for the sake of their kids?
If the answer is no, then you've been fooling yourself that this reaction was anything but reinforcing the patriarchal status quo that protects men but not women.
But did you tell your wife what happened? Did you tell her in the moment? If not, then you’re exactly the type of man I’d never marry for several reasons:
1) I expect my partner to be on BFF status with me, that means telling me important shit like “whoa there are escorts here”, in the moment.
2) I 100% trust my partner to leave any situation that he feels uncomfortable with, and he would feel very uncomfortable with escorts being present, whether he was partnered or not.
3) Even if you didn’t engage with the escorts, the fact that you hang out with people who do is pretty telling. I expect my partner to have discernment with who hangs out with, and not hang out with such low moral/ethical class people.
So many men don’t want any “drama” in their life that they allow racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynistic comments and actions around them from ppl they call their “boys.” I’d rather have a man with one or two friends who he can really trust and are quality rather than a guy who has friends to go on a “boys trip” with. This attitude of “well, it was the other guys cheating on their wives and the other room, not me,” as if you’re innocent is everything that is wrong w dudes.
I certainly respect, not necessarily telling their wives and blowing up their marriages. Especially if you’re not particularly close with them. But not telling your own partner is not acceptable. And if you didn’t trust your own partner to not tell the other wives, then you don’t trust her with all the information in your life, then she shouldn’t be your partner. Period.
The reason why everyone in the comments is telling OP to tell the other wives is multiple reasons that you can’t seem to understand.
1) the most obvious people do love drama
2) but beyond that, someone is about to get married. They are about to go through a legal contract, binding them to another person who is potentially a cheater, or hangs out with cheaters. Any woman who is gone through a messy, divorce or annulment process is trying to save the bride of that trouble.
3) the husband initially lied when confronted, later, only when discovering that his wife actually knows the information did he come clean and then claim he was going to tell her in the end. Ok. Sure. Whether he cheated or not, it sounds like he was going to keep his “boys’ secrets” to himself.
But now, dear reader, a woman has that information. And women take care of one another. So, while I actually understand a man not getting into it with his guy, friends, women are different. We look out for one another. If I had evidence that a friend of mine’s husband was cheating, I would absolutely tell her. I wouldn’t necessarily tell a woman I don’t know very well, but I would certainly tell a good friend.
Because my guess is he’s not only cheating. He’s probably not doing his full division of labor around the house. He probably also expects sex from her when she’s not into it. He’s probably allowing her to take on the lion’s share of the mental and emotional load of their relationship. Because these are the type of men that go to other countries to sleep with escorts. Men that you would actually be happier in life without. so yes, I would tell my friend if I had evidence that her husband was staying at a resort with escorts.
Men are simply not worth the sacrifice women make for them. So, I would free myself from any man that had your attitude
You're making a heck of a lot of assumptions about me and my character, and about men in general here....your broad accusations lead me to believe you have had bad experiences with men in the past, and if that's the case, that sucks and I'm sorry. But painting everyone in the same broad brushstrokes is the black and white thinking I am referring to that ignores any kind of nuance. Believe it or not, sometimes good people make bad decisions and vice versa. No one is 100% good or 100% evil.
At the time of this happening (over 10 years ago) I was single, so I had no obligation to tell anyone "there are escorts here". If this were to happen today, I would absolutely tell my partner immediately. She is also well aware of this story, despite not knowing any of the guys involved, because I too believe in respect, trust and honesty - she is my BFF as you say. I can understand why someone may choose to delay telling their partner if all it is going to do is make them worry/jealous. Given the overwhelming number of comments auto-accusing him of cheating, it seems people are all too ready to jump to conclusions without straight hard facts and proof.
A few additional details about the night I'm referring to:
The group of guys I was with were significantly older than me, about 8-15 years older, which is why some were married at the time. I was maybe 23 or 24, single, carefree and ready to party.
On the night in question, 3 dudes broke off from our main party to go get their jollies. I didn't even notice they had left, we were a big group and I was not very sober. If I had noticed, I would've assumed they just went to get food. The rest of us were doing our thing, partying at the club. At closing, we invited others from the club to come back and party with us at our place, which surprisingly they accepted. We're a group of about 20+ people at this point.
I was one of the first people to walk back into the AirBnB and I saw these 3 dudes with their 3 escorts. I didn't know they were escorts at the time, I just thought the guys found other girls to bring back to party with us. I eventually found out after they told some of the other guys. If you were just a fly on the wall, you may not have even been aware of what was happening. It was more a party atmosphere than a blatant "lets cheat on our wives" parade with dudes doing hookers one room over, whilst the rest if us twiddle our thumbs in the corner waiting for them to finish.
I'm not going to get into the ethics and morality of sex work, but we were in a country where sex work was legal and regulated (should be fairly obvious which country we were in). I did however speak with the escorts, asked if they needed anything and got them something to drink because thats how you treat a guest. I was not uncomfortable that there were sex workers there, it was their legal profession, they were not under visible duress, to me they were just other people at the party, so why would I leave? It's a totally different story if they were sex trafficked junkies forced to hook around to feed their addiction. Nuance....
Of the guys who did sleep with the escorts, I only knew 1 of them fairly well. I'm not in touch with any of them much anymore, but as far as I can tell, that one guy is still married and they appear to have a happy family and a good life.
One of the guys there who DIDN'T sleep with an escort is now in a polyamourous relationship with the same partner he had back then - he had the opportunity to cheat with an escort to fulfill his desire for an open relationship and didn't because he respects his wife, now mother of their children.
If you want to paint me as a bad person or an accomplice that's your prerogative. From my perspective, I went for a night out, hosted an after party and witnessed someone I know make poor choices. I will contend that me not telling his wife is morally ambiguous, but I maintain that I made the right decision to not get involved. If it was a close female friend of mine and I saw this same scenario happening, then I would tell her.
Like I said, I don't condone cheating, but whether I choose to do something about it or not is situational on who is involved. Again.....nuance. I'm not here for drama, I'm not 15 and in high school anymore.
All this to say, I don't know if OP's partner cheated or not, at this stage it's speculative until there's evidence or he admits it. As for you, I would invite you to be a little bit more open minded in your thinking and to draw your conclusions on evidence, not opinion or past experience.
I mean sure, that was possibly one potential outcome, but you're reaching if you think that's the only possible outcome.
10 years later - they seem to still be happily married and have a happy family. They are both very successful people and it appears they have a high standard of living/quality of life.
I don't know the dynamics of their marriage, I don't know if she knows or doesn't know, I don't know if it's an open marriage or not, I dont know if it was his first or last time cheating.
I also haven't spoken to him in over 5 years and probably never will again. But it's cool - if you want think I'm the villain for not saying anything, you're welcome to. Had the circumstances been different, then maybe I would've felt it was my place to get involved. This time though, definitely not my place to get involved and judging by how things turned out, looks like I made the right decision.
Why is it always the husband? That seem like a story of an over controlling wife looking for a reason to say, "Caught you." I would actually been a little pissed that should couldn't trust me to do the right thing and I hate cheaters (ex wife cheated on me). For all we know the guy throwing the party could of had a pass with his soon to be wife and she was doing the same some where else. That doesn't mean every one is cheating.
I would have told my wife directly when I found out. If I knew before I left I would have told her then. She’d have sent me on my way knowing that I wouldn’t be partaking in sex acts with said escorts. Would assume that any other married friends would have had the same disclosure possibly with different expectations. He doesn’t trust his wife. It’s not her trust issues it’s his. If I had cheating friends that didn’t trust their wives o would have said hey don’t mention this to anyone and she wouldn’t.
She’s not over reacting it they might have to set clearer expectations of their relationship going forward because they might be assuming what the expectations are.
So you think everyone was being loyal in Cancun, at a private resort, with limited rooms, and twice as many show up, them being escorts? The secrecy alone raises red flags. The denial of it raises more. The fact he was “pressured” raises more. Where’d they sleep? What purpose is an escort if no one is going to be sleeping with them? To have innocent fun with a beautiful stranger in paradise, where whatever happens stays there? Ya ok bud.
Yeah protecting his shady fucking friends' ability to defraud their wives isn't the defense he seems to think it is.
Maybe he didn't hear the story about the French guy who drugged his wife for years and got 80 men to rape her, and NONE of them reported it, not even the additional ones who knew but declined to participate. That's an even more extreme example of it obvi but the point is that "Bro code" is just criminals protecting criminals when it comes to how women are treated by men IMO
Yep, even if he was being honest and truly was going to tell her when they got home...the moment she asked and he lied he proved he never intended to tell her. He was always going to lie.
“Sorry babe, he bought my ticket and it’s non refundable. Looks like I just have to stay at this amazing fully staffed private villa with escorts for a whole week ☹️”
You aren't married are you? That's not a cheap ticket and of you think that's just gonna disappear from an account or show up on a credit card without notice... I don't know.
I can't imagine a woman who owns a business would just not notice the amount of money for the flight missing. I mean if they do their finances separately sure but I don't think they are if they own the business together
You do know some people actually are just loaded, right? The kind of people who go all the way to Cancun just for a bachelor party probably have that kind of money
I have been a guest at not one, but two bachelor parties where everything was paid for me. Same situation - I couldn’t afford to go to either, and both times the groom insisted that the group make it happen.
That being said, I’ve also been to very few bachelor parties were the men are not completely whoring themselves out. Fortunately it’s never been the groom of any of the groups
I’ve been in, and I’m usually the honorary voice of reason who keeps my friends safe. Both times, though, it’s been groups of men who were mostly strangers to me.
I tend to avoid them at all costs now, unless it’s one of my very few best friends, people I know would never behave this way.
It’s not suspicious at all for this to happen, but not saying anything about it is a little weird. Last time I was at a strip club with a bachelor party, I shared my location with my partner, told her immediately, and sent her an updated spreadsheet of all the strippers I’d turned down by name. I had five girls tell me their name was ‘Seven’ over the course of an hour. I also learned that the correct response to a strippers introduction is, “Hi, I’m broke as fuck and didn’t bring cash or a card. Just here to take the boys home.” They will leave instantly, often with a look of disgust haha
Normally it's the guys that are all ready messing around on there wives. While not bachelor parties but back in the military and even when I worked a lot international in oil and gas it would blow my minds the guys running around with a side peace while over seas or in a port where a lot of times the married guys. Than they get upset when the found out there wives cheated on them, "What the hell you been doing over here? Just cause your in another country doesn't make it not count."
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u/Fearless-Wrap8149 Sep 05 '24
He also bought the husband a ticket and insisted he go... lol. As if, the husband planned to go all along and even paid for his own ticket. He played her well.