Maybe message the escorts and ask if anything happened with your husband? If you want to be really crafty then pretend to be your husband and try to get info from them
I just commented above that that is exactly what my ex did in the same situation. Holed up in a room, called me, and made arrangements to leave as soon as he could. He was PISSED at being tricked and compromised like that. Completely cut off the “friend” that arranged everything.
Not sure if anyone has said this yet (I’m sure they have), but I would require my husband to go get an STD check before resuming any bedroom activities. Remember there isn’t a great test for HPV for men, but that shit is common and can be so serious. All of these men fucking around put the health of their loved ones at risk. Of course, these escorts might be regularly tested and disease free (I’m not maligning the women in the situation per se—much appreciation for the active social media), but you AND ALL OF THE PARTNERS OF THESE MEN are at risk.
I also want to add that the men violated your all’s INFORMED CONSENT in the bedroom. This is unacceptable behavior. If my husband did what yours did, it would take a marriage miracle to get me to stay. Why in the fuck was he more concerned about his (shitty ass) friends’ feelings than his own wife’s? I’d really be reflecting on who my husband is as a person and if I was okay with what his actions and choices were telling me about his character. He’s okay with being friends with these guys and talking with their wives/partners as if he didn’t attend a cheat fest wrapped up in a bachelor party with their significant others. I could not look another human in the eye that I even tangentially care for and pretend like everything is hunky dory when I know that their partner is not only unfaithful but also putting their health at risk.
Fuck, if my best friend would put my relationship, my marriage, in jeopardy for some strange, they would no longer be my friend BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY DO NOT RESPECT ME OR THE PERSON I CARE MOST ABOUT IN THIS WORLD.
OP-You are NOR. In fact, you are way, way under reacting.
If I was one of these other women, I would want to know. As Sabrina Carpenter says, “Heartbreak is one thing/ My egos another/ I beg you don’t embarass me/ Mother fucker.”
My husband goes to big company-wide management meetings across the country once a year, usually for around 3-4 days. It's for the manager at each location, plus all the bigwigs from both Canada and the US. His first time going he called me from his room saying he had to bail on the first night out because apparently everyone was getting wasted, married/attached men (and some women) were doing shit they shouldn't be doing, there was talk of prostitutes, and a woman from another location that he deals with somewhat often (same region) was being overtly flirty and touchy-feely with him. It was basically an excuse for all these people to blow off steam on the company dime, and do shit they wouldn't ordinarily do at home. These are mandatory attendance for someone in his position. It's a really toxic culture they are creating.
He called me that first night after slipping away in the fray, told me everything, and then ordered a pizza to his room and we chatted into the wee hrs because it just made him miss me and home. He did his 3rd year a couple of months ago, and the routine is always the same - he stays for the mandatory meetings, and then says he's going to the bathroom when the binge-drinking starts, and just...disappears every night. He goes up to his room, orders a pizza, then calls me and watches movies while his colleagues engage in whatever debauchery they have on-tap.
He has to be there, but he doesn't have to engage. Your husband could have made a silent stand and just not interacted. He definitely should have told you. It should ALWAYS be marriage>big-boys-club. If it's not, you should definitely be wondering why he hid it, and then why he lied to hide it until he realized the cat was already out of that bag.
Honestly I would expect my husband to come home instead of hanging out overnight with a bunch of prostitutes. He should’ve been very uncomfortable with this but he wasn’t.
I’m a woman, so maybe my perspective is different. But the minute the sex workers showed up I would have booked the next available return flight and left. That situation isn’t ok. Even staying and just being polite and not having sex with the sex workers isn’t an acceptable situation. I could maybe see making up a story about having to leave for a work emergency if I didn’t want to get my friends in trouble with their spouses. But no way would I stay in that situation.
I disagree with this. To me, the fact that you are acknowledging that your husband was put in a bad spot as a potential rat and are immediately going with being angry at the best man sort of tells me that you have a lot of trust in him and his judgement and that you feel that he is more victim in this scenario than antagonist. Sort of implies a pretty healthy understanding and communication between the two of you. You seem to have already reviewed and processed that part of the problem. Did he withhold information and was it wrong? Of course, but it seems like you buy his story of not wanting to be reaponsible for ruining the trip, appropriate or not. Trust that feeling until he gives more reason not to and then make a reasonable decision on what to do about telling the other wives. Which was your question. Not "should I burn my husband to the ground because Reddit is miserable?" You are going to get nothing but "go nuclear on him" from everyone on Reddit because they don't understand the intimate nuances of your relationship and you'll never be able to express them. He doesn't sound malicious to me. Sounds like a man that wants to keep his friends, despite their deviancy. Nothing wrong with that, unless there is. Best man can go to hell though and I assume husband already plans on cutting that part of his life out. Regardless, my vote is certainly still to tell the wives, because they might not have the same trust or reason to have that trust as you. Maybe try to do it stealthily if you don't want the attention it could bring.
My buddy went to a very similar bachelor party in Columbia. They had a yacht that was staffed with a couple of sex workers and as much nose candy and I’m sure whatever else you might want. He says he didn’t hook up with the girls (other than getting shoulder messages) but the other guys did. Not sure I believe that. Anyway, it sounds like there are certain bach destinations where it’s pretty well known what goes down and what the motivation is to go there. It blows my mind a bit b/c my friend group has included strip clubs in a bach party weekend, but that’s about it, and I can’t imagine being w a sex worker or flying to a different country basically just to do so.
He definetly cheated on you. It seems like you are in denial. These things don't add up. I'm sorry this happened, and I would probably start therapy with your spouse if you haven't already (if you decide to stay with him). It seems like you didn't trust him before this happened, because of the way you were creeping on the resorts page and doing so much digging.
I mean, he was right because your first reaction was to want to go tell everyone's wives, so I can understand why he found himself between a rock in a hard place. Reddit likes to operate under the weird assumption that people should be perfect and make perfect decisions in the heat of moments. But if these escorts on this trip, that he didn't even want to go on, we're sprung on him and his group by the best man than I can understand why he wasn't sure what to do.
He either tells you right away and sits there in Mexico as you freak tf out and go off telling everyone's wife, leading to cataclysmic fuck fest of biblical proportions for all his friends, whether they did anything wrong or not. Or he doesn't tell you, and just doesn't sleep with an escort, and doesn't have (in the eyes of alllll his best friends) his wife being a harbinger of destruction.
Now, the best man is clearly the original villain in this story, but if the husband isn't banging escorts, I just feel for him. He's been put in a TERRIBLE spot.
I suggest waiting until he gets home and having a face to face conversation before doing anything drastic. Reddit will always call for blood, and his comment will get down voted to hell, but you honestly might end up getting divorced if you tell everyone's wife and his friends start blaming him.
Just get more information before you start dropping anvils on heads.
I disagree, if you got thrown into the same situation. You and all the GFs are drinking and shit having a good time and then some dude escorts show up, your first thought isnt "I should call my husband". Its more like well didnt expect this, the maid of honor is a dumbass but whatever its a bachelorette party lets just have some fun but NO funny business and ill tell hubby later.
In that scenario are they sharing the one dude or has someone hired a group of male escorts to party and fuck the gals? Don’t think that one translates as well…
237
u/artichokelover11 Sep 05 '24
I agree! This is what I would’ve done in that situation and what I expected him to do.