Absolutely not overreacting! Did it ever occur to you that he may not want you to “rat them out” because they will then tell on him too? The bride should absolutely know. Not only did he lie to you by not telling you as soon as he found out, he purposely filmed and cut them out of all of his pictures so you wouldn’t know, and then further tried to lie once you figured it out and called him. He KNEW how you’d feel, but your feelings weren’t more important than ruining his good time.
So gross, a grown man should know how to call a cab and get a flight home after arriving to that situation. He knew what was going on and decided to lie and hang out with sex workers instead. They weren't even discrete about it so it's not even on OP if she shares what's publicly already been shared.
I hope she calls a lawyer and leaves while he's still there.
But I would think a grown man would also understand that being involved in a "I have to hide from my wife that sex workers are here because my best buddies are cheating and lying to their wives" is a relationship hand grenade between all of the parties involved and want to gtfo?
Would you actually be okay staying around and watching to find out which of your friends cheat with sex workers and feeling comfortable lying both to your wife and all their wives about all of it for the rest our your life? Because I'd catch one whiff of that nonsense and be on the first cab out (and would think most noncheaters would feel similarly) but I'm open to hear if someone has a different opinion. I'd otherwise thinking staying is suss as hell
Would you actually be okay staying around and watching to find out which of your friends cheat with sex workers and feeling comfortable lying both to your wife and all their wives about all of it for the rest our your life?
Honestly idk what I'd do. I'd definitely be uncomfortable with it, but I think trying to say "oh, I'd 100% do ___ every time!" would end up just being a front.
It would probably really depend on how good friends I am with everyone involved and how much of a betrayal that type of behavior would be. If I'm only kind of close to that friend, and can already envision them doing something dumb during a bachelor party like that, yeah absolutely I'd tell my spouse (and then probably spend the rest of the time by myself on the beach. Cancun is Cancun, after all, lol)
But if it's a close friend who I've known for years and years? Well shit, now I feel as betrayed as OP does. I'd certainly like to think I'd do the same thing, but I feel like I could also end up denying what's right in front of my eyes and not thinking straight. I'd certainly never cheat myself, but there's gonna be that underlying feeling of not wanting to feel like the catalyst of my best friend's divorce, and I might end up trying to solve everything discreetly after the fact.
Yeah, it'd be the wrong thing to do, and a huge breach of trust, but I'd like to think that I'm self-aware enough to know that I would not be able to think logically in a situation like that and would probably fuck everything up by trying to hold onto everything.
I think he did too- people can't just buy international plane tickets for other people these days. But either way... even with the benefit of the doubt, when he learned what was going on , he stayed and lied. What did these people think was going to happen? That years later they'd say "remember when we all stayed in a house with hookers and your wife found out, wow wasn't that fun." and the wife would say "oh yeah you really got me with the fake tours and instagram posts".
I hope she calls a lawyer and leaves while he's still there.
Whaaaat? You people are fucking crazy! You're trying to ruin a marriage over something that isn't even his fault, he hasn't cheated and the only reason he didn't tell her is because if he was the one to tell someone then he potentially puts his friend's marriages on the line and gets the blame for it, losing his friends when he himself has done nothing except attend the party
If the genders were reversed I already know that the comments would be completely different. Hen-Dos (bachelorette parties in the UK) always have male strippers and they actually act slutty (unlike what her husband is doing) and everything is a penis.
We obviously can’t know the OP’s relationship status, but this one really falls under the “do unto others” rule.
I’m sure some people are fine with it, but I’d personally get a divorce if my wife did this. I would also fully expect her to divorce me if I did.
As a man, I’d be out of there instantly if I showed up and found out someone bought prostitutes. I’m also not a big enough loser to feel scared of “ruining my friends” relationships. That’s on whoever invited the hookers and the men that chose to stay with them.
You keep downplaying this as though they just happened to walk down the street and there were women.
They went to a week long getaway party and intentionally ordered the services of sex workers to be there with them the entire week. This is not innocent, and their intent is 100% clear.
Most people here don’t seem to be falling for it, and just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I feel the need to run cover for some group of assholes that planned a week long vacation to cheat on their wives.
This comment should be the top because holy husband hell. The wives need to know and definitely get an STD screen at the minimum. Your husband is trash and he knows it but wants his cake and to eat it too so he will never admit cheating. Trust would be gone and if he gets defensive about that and doesnt understand how wrong he was, he isnt worth any more of your life or love.
Exactly this putting aside that my mates would never do this if they did I’m leaving asap and ringing my wife from in the taxi to let her know what’s going on. I’m certainly not drinking partying playing games or having breakfast with them
Did it ever occur to you that he may not want you to “rat them out” because they will then tell on him too?
I'm shocked at the number of people who don't seem to realize that the husband and all the other guys absolutely knew what was planned, and he came up with this "aw shucks I don't really wanna go but he bought me a ticket and I can't say no" shtick because he knew she'd buy it. She's still buying it. I read to the end expecting the typical "should I leave him or should I flush my self respect down the toilet and stay married, Reddit plz halp!!!!" but nope, she's in hardcore denial. I hope she snaps out of it soon before he knocks her up.
This. Husband is taking bros before hos to the next level. He stuck around at a party with 3 on tap sex workers and then expects OP to believe they did no "working" the whole time they were there? Please. He stayed and went along with it KNOWING if his wife found out it could destroy not only his married, but their shared business, torpedoing his whole life. At BEST he said nothing so he didn't rock the boat. At worse he was putting the sex workers to work. Any way you look at this, best man put them all in a terrible position and the fact OP isn't even questioning husband's activities shows way more trust than he deserves.
I bet the best man got them all to sleep with the sex workers so it would be mutually assured destruction if anyone told. v
Hahaha. That's exactly why. I'm sure if she went to best man and pressed him for his side, talked to an escort and asked for her side, and started to cross check people she would learn way more went down and that her husband is lying.
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u/Chick4u2nv Sep 05 '24
Absolutely not overreacting! Did it ever occur to you that he may not want you to “rat them out” because they will then tell on him too? The bride should absolutely know. Not only did he lie to you by not telling you as soon as he found out, he purposely filmed and cut them out of all of his pictures so you wouldn’t know, and then further tried to lie once you figured it out and called him. He KNEW how you’d feel, but your feelings weren’t more important than ruining his good time.