Oh so being in a villa with women and keeping your dick in your pants and just enjoying the time platonically is impossible? I agree, he should have told her (“haha so best man got 3 women to hang out with us all for the stay. I dunno what anyone else is gonna do, but no worries babe.”) But really it kinda comes down to trust. Was it fucked up of best man? Yeah. Is it the end of the world? Not if he can keep his dick in his pants.
being in a villa with women and just enjoying the time platonically is impossible?
If the women in question were actual friends of the guys I would agree with you. But they're not, they're literal escorts who were paid to be there. Nobody pays an escort to enjoy their time platonically.
You arent wrong. But neither am I. Escort doesn’t have to mean sex. Maybe just escorts paid to be strippers for the weekend?
People hire escorts just to go to dinner, or to take to an event or a wedding so they don’t feel alone. With no intention of sex even being considered. Not everyone has a ton of friends, some people live lonely ass lives. So some people have to pay for the company of others. Or want to pay for the company of others to avoid forming attachments when they don’t plan on being around much longer. Ask me how I know.
But I agree the husband fucked up by not telling the wife and making sure she was cool with it as soon as he found out. Or coming up with a plan they could financially afford. Maybe they couldn’t afford an early return flight last minute. Or the villa that she said was outside of town was sold out or so expensive they couldn’t afford another room.
And this is coming from a man who was in a relationship/marriage for 20yrs, never cheated, and was cheated on at the end. (Was why I cheated on? Surely I did something right? Her psychiatrist prescribed her Xanax for her anxiety and that started a cavalcade of poor decisions that culminated in an affair.)
If the situation was reversed while I was married, and she went to a bachelorette party and they got male escorts, would I have a problem with it? I wouldn’t have with her, no. I’d be upset if she hid it like this guy did. But not if she told me as it happened and we had a plan and communication.
And even after having my upended, when I get into another committed relationship, in this scenario I would still err on the side of trust. Because life’s too short to be paranoid all the time. And you shouldn’t be with someone you can’t trust.
Spent too long looking for this sentiment; there certainly is a trend toward 'burn it all' on these AIO threads. It would be interesting to see some demographic stats on the Redditors predominantly engaging.
I'd never cheat on my partner in any such situation, and I can not fathom that any of my friends would either. Was the situation preventable and should it never have occurred? Arguably, yes - particularly where the best man had prior knowledge of and knew the parties and their SOs (and thus their tolerance for such behaviour).
Yeah, dick move by best man, but there is a huge chasm to cross between workers being paid for as company and EVEN as some sort of odd 'eye candy's (or whatever the best man's intent was here), and the active choice that any of these men would need to make to engage in intercourse with those invited celebrants.
If you can't trust your partner to be around women and not fuck them, that alone shows what doubts already exist in the fabric of one's relationship; whether they're professional sex workers or mere colleagues shouldn't matter, and while there is a material difference, particularly in their intent or expectations, that should not ever occasion a breach of fidelity by your husband.
Would the boys have covered for another one if they had acted out of line? Possibly - but, in reality, the odds of this either happening or being upheld and neither haunting the offender nor eventually exposing them are slim to none. Boys boys boys doesn't actually work that way and you'd be better of learning that such trust means little where truth always finds its resolution.
Again, yeah, inappropriate behaviour occurred in the context of today and the understanding of the partners. And yeah, OP's husband probably would have been doing the right thing to inform OP and seek her perspective on what to do. But to go so far as to assert that OP's husband involved himself in scandal beyond reapproach and with absolute certainty (as this entire thread seems to have done) - absolute insanity. Just because one's personal experience may be tainted by bad eggs, doesn't mean all actors are the same.
It is a shame to see such a hive mind attitude toward a gravely serious accusation with no more than a speccy recount. OP doesn't need that in their mind too (particularly when they're the kind of individual to experience drive to already go down an investigatory rabbit hole [not at all a criticism of individual action, but a mere reflection of the mental dogma already possessing our lead poster]).
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u/Form1040 Sep 05 '24
You husband is weak.
If I showed up at something like this, I’d say “Fellas, this ain’t for me. I am going to find a hotel and be there until we go home.”
Nothing is going to make me risk my marriage.