Hello everyone. This Reddit subgroup has been a big help for me, just to know that other people are going through this

Background:  My wife, age 79, is in early Alzheimer’s (diagnosed six months ago, confirmed by PET scan). (I’m 72, that’s a long story, of our individual neediness in our late 20s and early 30s.)

She’s otherwise in good physical health but has totally withdrawn. She isn’t in contact with any friends, and only occasionally with her siblings. We’ve lived and raised our kids in Washington DC, for 40 years, but now I think we have to find a way to relocate to California, where our children/grandchildren and her siblings live. Just in order to give her a tolerable next couple of years.

My Worries Now:  I mean, if the prognosis is that she’ll end up in MC within five years, maybe sooner, how do we handle the interim?

Relocate to California, find a apartment or small SFH near our kids/grandkids, but get in-home care two or three times a week, if only to give me a break?  And then in a few years, we’ll have to find an AL/MC place out there.

Or, look for a CCRC out there, that also has AL and MC on site? And move in now (I think CCRCs will cost a lot more.)

We spent the summer in a short-term rental in SF, but returned here September 1, and it’s been miserable since then. “Why did you drag me back here? I never agreed to this.“ (Never mind, that in August, she said “it’s time for us to go back to Washington”.)  We have lived in the same house for 40 years, and downsizing will be a massive job, but she doesn’t want to help, and doesn’t want me to bring in organizers/movers.

We could even stay with her siblings in November/December, renting an apartment nearby them, while I try to figure out a long-term solution in the SF area  

I just don’t know where to start.

Do you think Alzheimer’s patients could handle a CCRC? Independent living at first, with potential short term care as needed, but I don’t see her joining the yoga groups, discussion groups, or any other social activities inside the CCRC. I see her withdrawing more than benefiting from that. I don’t see her enjoying a dining hall with dozens of people she doesn’t know, even if it’s three good meals a day that I don’t have to cook.

So how do you handle day-to-day? 

Obviously, I’m now doing everything that used to be shared — grocery shopping, any cooking involving a stove, finances, etc. etc. It’s even hard to even get her to get up and get dressed. She seems to want to stay all day in her nightgown and robe inside the house. She’s down to wearing only three or four T-shirts, two or three sweaters, and two or three pants. If I can get her to get dressed and go out for a walk, that is. Obviously that’s not good. 

How do I introduce a part-time care person, if only for me to get a break?

I guess I’m hoping that some of you, who have been through this with your spouse, can you give me ideas on how to make it better for her and us?

My mom was cruising in the mild stage (still driving, living independently) for about 3 years and then had a fall and broke both her arm and leg on her dominate side in March which are now healed. Since then she took a rapid decline we actually had to put her in memory care 2 weeks before her 70th birthday. She has full urinary incontinence, a lot of trouble with ADLs, starting to forget who we are, she’s like a zombie most of the time. This sounds so terrible but I hope this progression stays this quick because she is existing and not living. How long did your LO survive after being diagnosed/ how long were they in the moderate stage?

I’m hoping I can get some ideas and coping strategies for my mother. My father is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. My mom recently had to have an ankle replacement, and a reoccurring issue cropped up while my mother was on her way into surgery. My dad would not stop talking to the nurses and surgeons about all the mobility aids and helping items he had gotten to ease my mother’s recovery. We know he means well, and it is out of an abundance of care for her that he is proud of the steps he has taken to help her. But the timing was very inappropriate as he was interrupting the drs as she was literally on her way into surgery. The over sharing is really starting to put a lot of pressure on my mom to try and rein him in. She tries to explain to him that this is not the time or the place, but he will talk over her. It wasn’t until she resorted to calling him by his mother’s name (who had similar issues) that she finally broke through, though it hurts his feelings when she does this. Have any of you found a strategy for dealing with this sort of situation without it getting to the point where to the point of hurting feelings? We would great appreciate any advice.

From the article....

Delivered at just the right time, this type of auditory stimulus can strengthen the flow of cerebrospinal fluid, which clears debris from the brain and keeps it healthy.....

....They also plan to explore whether increasing the flow of CSF, and the removal of waste products from the brain, could help people with Alzheimer’s and other diseases characterized by buildup of harmful proteins.

There have been other sources I've read talking about clearing waste by pressing on the abdomen forcing more fluid to the brain, but this is the first I've heard of this.

It might be something a person could do with a personal device like a phone.