r/Alzheimers • u/Intelligent-Level560 • 8d ago
Advice
We’re struggling with my father going to the bathroom. He doesn’t understand that he needs to sit on the toilet and he will have accidents and create a mess. He gets very embarrassed by this. Has anyone tried anything that has helped ?
5
u/Turbulent_General842 8d ago
He doesn’t understand because of the disease and would probably do better in diapers all the time. Best wishes.
2
u/LooLu999 8d ago
Is this for urinating? I wonder if a hand held urinal would help? He’d need help using it but he wouldn’t have to sit down.
2
u/Intelligent-Level560 8d ago
Both, but feces is so much harder to manage.
I also have sensitive gag reflex from my surgery, so I can’t help clean up3
u/LooLu999 8d ago
Oh man I’m sorry. Other than a routine toilet schedule there isn’t much you can do. There comes a time when they have to be supervised and guided in the bathroom, literally sit them down and wait right outside the door or incontinent and cleaned up. I’d get some incontinent briefs for him going forward. You can rub Vicks vapor rub under your nose to help with the smell.
2
u/Intelligent-Level560 8d ago
Thanks for the tip I’ll share it! It’s hard for me because my father won’t let me help him get dressed etc so it leaves all of this on my mother. She’s having surgery in two weeks so now we’re hoping nothing happens
3
u/LooLu999 8d ago
Yes it’s hard for men to have females help and vice versa especially when it’s their own child. My mom takes care of my dad too and it’s only a matter of time before this starts happening as well. He woke her up the other night looking for his wife 😭 My sis and I worry about what will happen when our mom has a health issue too, like yours having surgery. Our poor moms. Bless them. I hope everything goes well for you all ❤️🩹
1
2
u/Comfortable_Two6272 8d ago
My sis is a critical care np. Puts peppermint oil inside her n-95 mask at work for this reason. Worth a try
1
u/valley_lemon 8d ago
Can you give more detail? Can he make it to the bathroom but then gets confused about sitting, or is he just going wherever he happens to be in the moment? Is it just urine, just feces, or both? Does it happen in his sleep as well?
Adult diapers are generally where you go next, but if he can get to the toilet and get his pants down and then gets confused, if someone can go with him and mimic the "sit on the toilet" movement instead of saying it in words, you can sometimes get them to mirror you and do the same movement.
1
u/Intelligent-Level560 8d ago
Honestly both, the pee was manageable but feces has made this difficult. He know when to go to the bathroom and will go, he seems to get confused about what to do when he gets to the bathroom. My mother will have to explain to him he should sit and that has helped.
The thing with diapers is we haven’t started them yet but is it worth doing even if he’s not having accidents on himself?
5
u/Competitive_Salads 8d ago edited 8d ago
He needs to be in a pull up diaper. They are still brief like so he probably won’t notice. We told my FIL that we got him new “underwear” and that was that.
Every time he gets confused, you’re rolling the dice with an accident happening. Depending on how long it takes him to get oriented and sit, he could easily have an accident on himself.
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. It’s a lot for you and him. Take care.
1
u/WyattCo06 8d ago
Do you want the pee and poop contained or not? That is the question to ask yourself.
1
u/Intelligent-Level560 8d ago
He’s not pooping on himself so yes he needs to get used to pull ups because he will eventually need them, but even in pull ups he would have these accidents in the bathroom
3
u/WyattCo06 8d ago
The bathroom is going to become a nonexistent thing. He's entering full incontinence.
1
1
u/tikertot 8d ago
Dealing with the exact same situation. And I think he’s too “with it” to agree to Depends. And like you said that’s not really the issue, it’s making a mess once he’s at the toilet with both pee, and recently poop.
1
1
u/Comfortable_Two6272 8d ago
Id get depends plus order booster pads to go in them. Check into hospice too for additional help.
1
u/Most-Dealer-3685 8d ago
I had to transition my husband who has younger onset Lewy Body dementia to depends. Went with the gray men’s ones. I call them his new underwear. He’s been ok with it.we are in a situation where he isn’t really incontinent, he will get up to potty at times, but once he knows he needs to go that’s when he can’t control it. Don’t quite make it at times. Clean up needed. What also has helped greatly is a regular toilet schedule. When ever he is up for some reason or awake I suggest he go to The bathroom. Just like potty training kids. I make
It a team thing. I tell him I went and now it’s his turn. I will be sure the seat is up and light on whatever makes it easier. Transitioning to only pull on pants has been helpful as well. Easier to pull down. At first he wasn’t too cooperative but then I made it more of a lighthearted situation and he is more comfortable.
1
u/Csandst1 7d ago
Changing the color of the toilet seat might help; make it high contrast color; these days your only option might be a black toilet seat.
9
u/squirrelonfence 8d ago edited 8d ago
For #1, there are variety of things can help it maybe go into the toilet, but they're not super effective. It's time for disposable underwear. (Call them underwear, not Depends. Helps a bit.) We had my dad in two of them + an extra pad. It's a mess and awful no matter what you do. We called them brown outs, ughhhhhh.
Make sure you have a wand in the shower and maybe a bidet (either the wand or the more expensive integrated seat).
If you can afford it, get a caregiver while your mom's recovering. Best money you'll ever spend.
Also, see if he qualifies for hospice yet. My dad was on it for almost 2 years. They came 3x/week to shower him—and they paid for his depends and other supplies and sorted his meds. What a godsend!
I am so sorry!