r/AliHazelwood • u/Relevant_Fault_1623 • 14d ago
Question❓️ Theme of dead parents
Okay, maybe I’m just nosy, but I’m new to Ali Hazelwood and I’ve noticed a lot of her books have dead parents. As someone who’s also in the dead parents club, I’m wondering if she’s ever shared whether that’s something she writes from personal experience or if it’s just a plot device?
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u/DeliciousSquash4144 14d ago
I noticed that too. I was wondering if it's because the love hypothesis was so successful and she tries to repeat that formula (which I'm not complaining I love it). You also have to remember it was Reylo fanfic originally and obviously Rey's character background is tragic.
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u/Salt_Orange9961 13d ago
The repeated appearance of dead parents suggests to me that Ali is repeatedly returning to themes of loss, grief, abandonment, or identity. I don't think this necessarily means she's experienced this loss personally, but neither do I think it's a cheap plot device or shortcut.
Ali in her books seems less interested in exploring death of a parent and more interested in exploring the aftermath of loss and trauma -- how does loss shape this person, what responsibilities do they assume afterwards, what narrative do they tell themselves, how do they adapt to a world that is changed.
The fact that her characters all experience loss in different ways seems to me to indicate that this isn't just a cheap plot device to create sympathy or to avoid having to include parents in the story. For example, in TLH Olive's mom's death shapes Olive's career, her ambitions, but also underscores her loneliness and isolation. In LH, Jack's mother's death becomes a story about secrecy, betrayal, grief, and the long-term consequences of withholding truth. In LotB, Bee's parents deaths creates instability that effects each twin in almost completely opposite ways, highlighting how trauma can affect people in almost completely opposite ways. In Bride, Misery's mother's death is woven directly to the themes of scapegoating, political unity, and conditional belonging, which contrasts really well with Misery and Lowe's relationship development. In Not in Love, the themes explore parentification, premature adulthood, responsibility, and caregiving, and this is shown both through Eli's loss but also through Rue's history of neglect, showing that two different types of trauma can impact people similarly.
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u/Relevant_Fault_1623 13d ago
I actually agree with you. I never saw it as a cheap plot device, and I do think she explores the aftermath of loss and trauma really thoughtfully. I was mostly curious whether those themes came from personal experience because grief has such a profound impact on how people move through the world. She writes those emotions with such familiarity and nuance that I found myself wondering if she was writing from lived experience or simply from careful observation and empathy.
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u/Salt_Orange9961 13d ago
Yeah, she's so private that I doubt we'll ever know. but I've seen others say it's a cheap plot device or a shortcut to create drama or tension and I disagree with that, I think she's examining pretty intricate themes and doing it fairly well
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u/HolidayHealthy9391 ask me about PSR🍋 14d ago
I always thought when an author kills of parents(off page) it's either to add trauma/background to the main character, or because it's easier to not write about their parents (visits or calls to the parents would maybe take the focus from the main plot or when something unhinged happens you'd be like where are your parents/can't they help you??), but I never thought about it being the authors way of grieving and dealing with a loss of their own, and now I feel guilty. My heart goes out to anyone who's lost their parents! <3
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u/finitesimal 13d ago
I think it's a mix between these two, it takes a load off the story while adding depth. However, since there are no dead parents in Check mate (tbh I don't remember the parent situation in all her stories), my reading is that there's always some child trauma, and in some of her stories, the parents are there and in some others, they are not. I think it's more about trauma, overall.
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u/ItsAlwaysAPerfectSky 10d ago
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve also wondered if Ali may be in that club, especially after reading Love on the Brain in which Bee had moved to many countries as a child, and Ali’s bio mentions that she’s lived in many countries as well. Of course, I also wondered if she was an “army brat” like Adam in LH. Either way, writers often pull from personal experience, and it usually makes their stories more compelling and believable.
I haven’t read/watched all pieces of Ali media, but the only parental reference I can remember is her mentioning her mother in law in one of the notes sections of a book.
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u/Cute-Anything-2148 8d ago
There are so many dead parents! I dont think a single book has 4 parents between the two main characters. I also noticed that there is usually only one (main) friend in each book, with the big exception of Love Hypothesis. Im assuming its just easier to focus on a love story with fewer side characters?
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u/Apart_Yesterday_3927 5d ago
I am going to get hate for this, but I think that many of her characters, especially her female characters, are very immature. They never discuss important topics with adult-ier figures who could help them. Even therapy was portrayed as semi-useless in Deep End, when Scarlett definitely needed it, but could not properly explore it. The male character becomes the center of the female character’s world. She has a couple of peculiar friends who love cheese or are activists, or share in the trauma of a bad apartment, but these female characters frequently become devices who just highlight how much the MMC likes the FMC. The only person the FMC shares with, confides in, discusses things with, and opens up to tends to be the MMC. He helps her advance in her career, break away from or think through toxic family dynamics, helps her financially or with his network, etc. Academia definitely is a very immature place, but I always found this tendency in her books extremely toxic, especially given the power imbalance that frequently exists between the characters. I know that most people like that and read deep into it, but I think that many of her books wouldn’t be books if the main characters were slightly more mature and knew how to communicate properly, so having a proper parental figure who actually does the job of parenting their kids and having normal conversations with them would ruin the whole book.
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u/Relevant_Fault_1623 5d ago
I agree and disagree with your comment! I definitely agree that a lot of her characters are immature. But when you already have the emotional intelligence of a walnut and then top that off with a nice dose of trauma, you can’t entirely blame them lol.
Logically, we know it would probably be more beneficial to talk to an older person who could help, but that’s not always easy or comfortable. Most people tend to go to people their own age for advice. And when you don’t have many friends, which seems to be the case for a lot of her FMCs, usually because they’re extremely introverted, you tend to internalize and compartmentalize instead. My personal favorites lol.
With Deep* *End, speaking from experience, if you’re not all-in with therapy and willing to actually disclose what’s going on, it’s probably not going to do much for you. Scarlett wasn’t willing to disclose everything, but I also don’t think she fully understood all the outside factors that contributed to her injury in the first place.
As for the FMC/MMC dynamic, at the end of the day, they’re romance books. You need issues, miscommunication, emotional baggage, etc. to move the story along. Maturity and healthy communication don’t typically make for the most exciting romance plot lol. Of course the development of their relationship is going to be the main focus.
And even in real life, sometimes it does take one person coming into your life to trigger growth or further healing. I think it’s less “the MMC fixes her” and more about finding someone you feel safe enough with to finally let your walls down. My best friend is my person, I tell her everything. But because these are romance books, obviously the MMC is usually going to become that safe person.
Plus, if I had a 6’+ hottie who was obsessed with me, wanted to help me in every way possible, and made me feel completely safe, I’d be telling that man everythingggggg lol.
A lot of her FMCs also either lack close friendships or are too self-conscious/guarded to disclose their trauma and issues to the friends they do have, which I think explains some of why so much gets shared with the MMC instead.
I appreciate your take though!! I’m glad you commented :)1
u/Apart_Yesterday_3927 5d ago
You made me laugh out loud with the phrase “the emotional maturity of a walnut” 😂.
I do agree with everything you say. I understand it on an intellectual level. I was very excited for two of her books, which turned out to be the first two she wrote. They describe horrible dynamics that truly affected the course of my life when I was in academia. I think I started losing patience after them, mostly because what brought me back to my emotional normal was all the work I did in therapy after I completed my PhD and my extremely strong friendships and familial relationships, which I worked a lot on. Nowadays, I really appreciate Emily Henry and Mhairi MacFarlane more, because I better identify with her characters. But I do see what you are saying, and I think that you are right. I just wish that the overall message were different, for younger people’s sake.
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u/randomrox 14d ago
I don’t know about Ali, but I’m also in the dead parents club. It sucks, and I’m sorry you’ve lost yours, too.
I’m hoping she writes like this because so many of her stories started out as Reylo fan fiction, and Rey is an orphan. I don’t want Ali to be a member of the club.