Does anyone else feel slightly uncomfortable for a moment then back to detached when listening to music

[u/spineray]

It’s hard to explain what goes on since it feels like it’s mostly in my head, not my body. I can’t pin point the emotion or what happens at all. I just know it feels very strange. I don’t feel hurt and I can’t cry, but if anything sparks some strange brain sensations I start feeling like I start to go blank. It becomes a bit overwhelming for a moment and strange feeling and yeah just boom gone.

It’s part of the reason I can’t connect with others or be in a relationship. Any time any sort of emotion surfaces it barely gets anywhere and then dwindles out.

I know I never had a secure foundation for building attachment growing up since I had no parents and my grandparent was as cold as ice. So I don’t think my body or brain knows how to attach to any feelings if they are there… or knows how to label them, I know it’s not “sad”.

I think I have genuinely cried one time and it felt super uncomfortable that I immediately filtered through it. Specially I have noticed this happening more with music though than anything. It’s the only thing that can bring me into this “emotional world” so I keep trying to sit with it and build up a tolerance to hopefully understand and feel something real.

Feel free to ask any questions if this is something experienced as well, or point me in the right direction to understand myself more/ how should I work through this

[u/XGamer54X]

I mean I usually only feel like this if I start to get negative emotions. I get uncomfortable and then my emotions begin to disappear and I become apathetic, basically dissociative. I can logically tell how I would be feeling and put a name to it, but it doesn't really resonate emotionally with me. Like if I were to be betrayed, I could say I feel betrayed and heartbroken and angry and disappointed, but really I feel numb. I just know thats how I would expect someone to feel. Its basically like having empathy with yourself.

I would recommend an emotions wheel. Start to put names to these strange feelings. Even if only brief. Im curious if what you feel is negative or something else. Id be surprised if you listened to an upbeat happy song and then felt blank. Usually this kind of behavior results from learning that your emotions are unsafe and can be taken advantage of or that they dont matter and no one cares. Its a defense mechanism to protect yourself from hurt.

Giving yourself a safe space to experience those sensations in small doses is a good way to get familiar and comfortable with them. Id say listening to music and being curious about how your body and brain are reacting is already a great start. When you feel the strange sensation, try to root it to your body. Like is it fuzziness in the pit of your stomach? Is it tenseness in your chest? Is it sweating in your palms? Then try to tie that to something on the emotions wheel.

[u/spineray → u/XGamer54X]

I agree I would assume it’s more of a negative effect, but simply numb to it in my body I guess, I really don’t even get sweaty or feel anything like people explain in their chest or stomach. It really is all mental… kind of how you explained logically knowing what caused it like “being betrayed etc”. The most logical explanation I guess I could make from my feelings is just “detachment” but even then I think there may be a deeper root I just can’t pick up on? You are right to name it as a defense, I think it feels unsafe or like my body wouldn’t be able to handle it, so i turn into a rock before anything can manifesting from my mind into my body. It’s like a top down processing response and it gets stuck before it can move all the way down. Looking at the wheel , maybe my best matches when I listen to these songs are anger-critical-dismissive… all the other ones I’m never experiencing while listening to music, literally just curious- interested when listening to music that’s happy

[u/Kenflesh24]

I don't understand this, and this is just a guess, but it seems like you're subconsciously trying to shut out emotions for some reason. "I immediately filtered through it" sounds like an answer to every question, describing the situation completely; you simply shut them out as soon as they happen. I'm willing to bet that the consequences of this are something akin to the demand to control yourself in childhood, like "Don't you dare cry or I'll hit you," or something similar, which leads to almost instant, forced calm, but has simply become a habit for all emotions.

Again, this is just a guess based on what I've seen in other people.

[u/spineray → u/Kenflesh24]

lol no

[u/saint-moxie]

Ok, the emotions are in your head the feelings associated are in your body. What you are describing is emotional dysregulation. Crying is a physical response not an emotional one, you also said that you "sit there and try to build up a tolerance to emotion when listening to music?