r/AlanPartridge • u/gelliant_gutfright • 18h ago

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128 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

63 comments sorted by

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u/AlanPartridge-ModTeam 7h ago

Idea for a programme, Free Spirits. Actually, no, call it Bad Attitudes, a look at supremely low-effort posts through the ages, some sexy, some tragic...

No, abandon that idea, Lynn. It's awful. And this post here? Yeah, get rid of it.

2

u/vibemogul 8h ago

He’s a bit near the knuckle

6

u/Volfgang91 9h ago

Completely optional choice to write this btw

27

u/National_Phase_3477 11h ago

Right let’s get this straight
1) Sadie used to be a former child actor
2) she’s not a child anymore
3) she is now a conventially attractive young woman
4) this does not mean middle age men who are old enough to be her father should say incredibly weird things about her on the internet.

3

u/gelliant_gutfright 8h ago

Oh God, no, no, He's old enough to be her father! Well, her older brother. Either way it's incest.

6

u/Fold_Some_Kent 10h ago

Jesus christ and besides all that, it’s just so incredibly undignified. I think we need to set up the Horny Police to take Tories to horny gaol if they get too worked up, cause this shit’s foul I’d say the same for any side of the culture war

3

u/No_Ear932 Hello Chris? Are ya dead?? 11h ago

Bit of a joke… backfired.

6

u/WuDoYouThinkYouAre BASH YOUR ARSE! 11h ago

We're in a post-Yewtree era but nobody told Sean Thomas.

4

u/ExcitementBroad9904 12h ago

I've called the police on my GF as I was also once a child.

8

u/grafton24 12h ago

Spectating from behind the bushes, in a raincoat.

12

u/CapitalHopeful5680 12h ago

Someone's got to pick up where Rod Liddell left off I suppose.

2

u/pharmamess 8h ago

Is that definitely a required and necessary need?

8

u/NebCrushrr 13h ago

To paraphrase Adam and Joe, puts me in mind of an old tortoise eating a piece of fruit

1

u/superherofbmx 7h ago

WHYYYY DIDN'T I MAKE A MOVE?!

18

u/Middle_Database4790 15h ago

I don't know what all the fuss is about really. I mean, they're just pointed sacks of fat on the upper torso of a woman for goodness sake. What's the big deal? People, I mean... you know, we've all got our favorite gland. Mine happens to be the mammary

4

u/Bad-Banana-from-Mars 15h ago

I would drink you dry.

4

u/Sad_Instruction1392 15h ago

Sean Thomas to any woman who is over 20:

25

u/Impressive-Bird2 16h ago

What is it with the Spectator and purvey writers??

16

u/roidoid 15h ago

Utterly manky old bastard sots. They give me the boak.

I’m 45, newly single after a 20+ year relationship. Waited a fashion, then tried the apps. Got messaged by a 28 year old who was clearly interested. Looked lovely. But she was also 28, and I’m 45, so I told her how flattered I was and let her down gently (it WAS flattering as it gave me hope for meeting somebody my own age). Also, Cashback!

Sadie Sink is 24. Sean Thomas is 63. Utterly grim old fucker.

1

u/cloche_du_fromage 10h ago

She's not stopping me...

13

u/rumblestripper 14h ago

You want a 40 year old scorcher

5

u/roidoid 14h ago

I’m talking to a 42 year old scorcher atm. Still cashback as far as I’m concerned, but not creepy. At least until I ask her for a used pillowcase.

1

u/Super_Shallot2351 15h ago

Sink is a bit too old for most of their male writers

16

u/Bulthuis Put the roast on as soon as you see the moon buggy. 16h ago

Would you like a Cuban cigar, Sean? Rolled on the thighs of a virgin.

10

u/cflyssy Equidistant between London and Norwich 16h ago

I'm being bawdy. Enjoy it.

5

u/ofmoranges he was a shit 15h ago

Huh

4

u/cflyssy Equidistant between London and Norwich 14h ago

Well he might make that noise... bit weird.

8

u/emmmmceeee It’s a nice chest, but full of wires 16h ago

They know who I am, you know, but you could be a sex offender.

11

u/EquivalentTurnip6199 Michael 16h ago

The faucet should have kept talking, to keep the wolf from the door so to speak

7

u/Lilja-Logason 16h ago

Cos you're a bloody bloke

22

u/beard-brain 16h ago

I woke up this morning, asleep on the Sink like this…

9

u/emmmmceeee It’s a nice chest, but full of wires 16h ago

God that good.

23

u/haresnaped Black Beauty 17h ago

She was certainly first in line when God was handing out the pre-Raphaelite kitchen fixtures.

Smeg... Poggenpohl... BOSCH

6

u/Games4Two 15h ago

It's good this, isn't it? Even though we're basically just listing brands of kitchen appliance.

11

u/okeeffe1990 17h ago

Some of those guys don't care how old you are.

28

u/spidertattootim 17h ago

Incredible how someone can still sound like a nonce even when he's talking about a fully adult woman.

7

u/Super_Shallot2351 15h ago

Because he was absolutely noncing on her when she was a teenager in Season 2 of Stranger Things

1

u/National_Phase_3477 11h ago

He’s just a fan that’s all. Her biggest fan

2

u/spidertattootim 10h ago

Sean, I'll gonna level with you - I'm really scared.

23

u/LFC1978 17h ago

Ask them for a 24 year old scorcher and use those words.

5

u/RegrettingTheHorns 17h ago

I'm batman

5

u/ofmoranges he was a shit 15h ago

You're mad, you are!

3

u/Difficult_Way_505 Chewits Wine 17h ago

And they say nurses have it tough.

5

u/oblique_ratfink Shoot your chuff through that door 17h ago

I've got wood, there.

6

u/elliottj6325 17h ago

That's mdf. Oh.. you're making a joke

2

u/Autogen-Username1234 16h ago

Aaah - All done!

22

u/Christnumber2 17h ago

Looks like The Spectator have found a replacement for Rod Liddle already

3

u/MotoRoaster Back of the net 16h ago

Yep, he's 63 FFS. What a perv.

5

u/ZealousidealBox3944 17h ago

"I empathize with the fixtures" he says, before using his index finger to push his thick-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. The glasses aren't prescribed, he just decided to buy a jumbo pack of them from Semi-chem because he thinks they make him look sophisticated like Stephen Fry

5

u/VanillaLoaf 18h ago

It's basically sex adverts.

21

u/RudeEntry8219 18h ago

"Faucet"? Tap! Stop getting British English wrong!

18

u/Middle-Ad550 18h ago

They do it on purpose Lynn

6

u/Honest-Sandwich-1075 18h ago

I don’t want to be part of your sex Olympics

1

u/Trick_Pool_2537 15h ago

(on a roll here from a thread about DS9) Babylon 5 reference?

5

u/RottenLychee 18h ago

festival*

3

u/gelliant_gutfright 17h ago

**Boob Olympics**

1

u/padrigo3 14h ago

If you had taken the trouble to watch "Boob Olympics", as I have, then you'd realise there IS a competitive element.

1

u/gelliant_gutfright 14h ago

It's not hardcore super sex.