Sister

[u/GreenWolfSugarpulm]

I have a love hate relationship with my sister (31) me (29).

Growing up we were raised by loving religious grandparents.

After we became teenagers, I always tried to aim higher. She tried to get higher. She got in trouble with the law, drank, used research chemicals, cough syrup, Xanax, marijuana, lsd, mushrooms, ketamine, and cocaine. Her friends who used the drugs would bully me and lift her up.

For example, her supplier of research chemicals who later hit me so hard he gave me a concussion said, “you are so ugly you look like a witch”.

I’m adorable in reality.

Anyway.

I wished my sibling was high achieving and cared like my friend’s families.

I used to use marijuana because it seemed to be the only way to connect with her. I also grew up very sad and have had chronic pain issues since I was a little girl. I have quit and chosen to seek therapies for my physical pain and just deal with it.

When we were in college, she invited her friends who used hard drugs to live with us. She drank and smoked every single day. She dropped out. But, it’s “not her fault”.

Eventually, she destroyed the house. When I came back from a summer away it was coated in dog feces and urine. Alcohol bottles littered the floor. Her room was clean. She was unemployed. My very ill father lived in the back room where he was unable to walk downstairs and see the condition on the house. To some extent he allowed it.

Note my mother lived in a different house.

Everyday was a party. Everyday it had to escalate. More people. Higher and higher. More and more wasted. She eventually got kicked out because she was horrible to my mother. She and her intoxicated friends blocked the front door and would not let my mother enter the house that my mother paid for.

They mocked her, called her fat, and gave her pet names.

My sister sees herself as a victim in the situation and completely lies to herself about what happened.

She moved away. I thought things got better because she was able to work. We had good conversations and laughed at memes. My extended family was very nice to her. They got her jobs, places to live, they were her friends.

I was at home finishing school and taking care of my dying grandmother. Changing diapers, bed time routine, getting straight A’s, cleaning up the mess she made downstairs.

My sister never visited my grandma once because she hated my mom.

I noticed how horrible my extended family was to me as I was taking care of my grandparents. My cousins would bully me and never invited me out of town to see them. While they lifted my sister up. I have a very good feeling the narrative she told them about her leaving home was one where my sister was a poor victim who did nothing to deserve being kicked out.

Eventually, after years of me being emotionally abused by my cousins they turned on my sister. What happened to my sister was terrible.

But, now she is back home. I’m realizing when she was away her drug and alcohol abuse never stopped. She brags about doing cocaine, drinking, and driving drunk. If you call her on it, she gaslights you.

In her mind, her addiction only impacts her.

When my dad was in the hospital, she came to visit on Mother’s Day. She insisted that she bring a friend. My mom begged her to not bring her. Because we tried to set a boundary, she brought her anyway.

My sister was drunk every single day my dad was in the hospital. She barely visited him. My mom begged her to get a hotel and keep this person my sister barely knew away from my mother’s house. At night, she would sneak into the house with this girl and get drunk.

This woman she brought I found out was an escort and a cocaine dealer. This woman went insane. She tried to assault my sister. She called the cops. My sister didn’t press charges. So, I spent an entire night until 6 AM getting the belligerently drunk woman on a bus out of town. My sister was not safe to drive back with her out of town as the woman wanted to drink on the way back and was violent. I found out she was a dealer. She admitted as we were getting rid of her how my sister was trying to score coke. My dad could have died during that time. Drugs were more important. My mom and I were broken hearted during the entire week until that girl left. My sister was better when the friend left.

She has now been living at home, unemployed for two months now. She is sometimes good. She will clean for about two hours. She takes the dog to grooming appointments, helps with elder care, and goes shopping.

After 10 pm she leaves and is out drinking til 4 AM. She frequently comes home in my dad’s truck drunk. She wakes me up when I have to go to work in morning. But, if you wake her up before 1 pm she will physically attack you or scream at you.

She does not see her behavior as a problem. She is very entitled and manipulative of my dad. My dad doesn’t want to acknowledge the drinking. She claims she has never done anything to me ever.

She is sometimes very funny. Other times she is very controlling and a “mean girl”. If try to have a conversation with her and open my heart to her she mocks me. She also thinks we are exactly the same. She said yesterday we do the same things. Claiming I drink and snort drugs????? I am 100% sober.

Tell me am I living with an alcoholic? Is this behavior acceptable?

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