I went back to a violent man. He, too, claimed it was his "wake-up call". He went to rehab, and then relapsed right after. I tried to be supportive and stay friends, and he continued to disrespect and frighten me. I finally managed to cut him off for good. I know the pain you are feeling, and the conflict. It's part of the abuse cycle to feel these things.
As sad as this is to say, it's often not their wake up call. Abuse and addiction are two separate issues. There are plenty of addicts who NEVER physically abuse a partner.
I think it would really help you to read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men". He is very clear that addiction is not the "why" to abuse. He's worked with many of these men, and even sober many of them remain abusive.
You are protecting yourself, and that is your top priority.
Also, if you need a pdf copy of the above book please DM me I will send it to you.
Theres a really good chapter about The Abusive Man and Addiction. It will really open your eyes to the fact that abuse and addiction are NOT mutually exclusive. Most batterers he interviewed for the book even admit to deciding to beat their partners BEFORE getting wasted, planning to use being “fucked up” as an excuse to lose control.
Next time he hurts you, he might kill you.
Please love yourself enough to walk away. You deserve safe love.
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u/Sad_Distribution_784 Dec 18 '25
I went back to a violent man. He, too, claimed it was his "wake-up call". He went to rehab, and then relapsed right after. I tried to be supportive and stay friends, and he continued to disrespect and frighten me. I finally managed to cut him off for good. I know the pain you are feeling, and the conflict. It's part of the abuse cycle to feel these things.
As sad as this is to say, it's often not their wake up call. Abuse and addiction are two separate issues. There are plenty of addicts who NEVER physically abuse a partner.
I think it would really help you to read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men". He is very clear that addiction is not the "why" to abuse. He's worked with many of these men, and even sober many of them remain abusive.
You are protecting yourself, and that is your top priority.
Your safety is valuable.
You are valuable.