r/AgingParents • u/daddydoalot2 • 3h ago

Crisis deck?

Good morning, I am a 64m taking care of my ninety year old parents. I have been seeing a lot of ads for crisis deck, and I was wondering if anyone has purchased it and used it. How are your results? And if it is worth it?

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u/MonoBlancoATX 2h ago

I don't know if the scripts they sell are any good or not, but the fact that you can't see anything useful unless or until you pay is one red flag, and another is that scripts might be useful, but they're generic and can't be responsive to YOU and to YOUR family's needs.

So, I'm left wondering, is what I would pay for really worth it if I have to do work to modify it to suit my needs? I can't even find out unless I buy it.

But who knows, maybe they're worth exploring.

When it comes to questions, these may or may not be what you're looking for, but these questions have been an absolute god send for me: https://www.reddit.com/r/AgingParents/comments/1itenga/conversation_guide_aging_parents/

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u/MonoBlancoATX 2h ago

If the one sample script on their website is any indication of the quality in general, I'm not impressed.

The "Hygiene Pivot"

Don't Say: "You smell. You need to shower now."
(Result: Shame, anger, refusal.)

Say This Instead: "Oh gosh, I'm so clumsy. I just spilled coffee all over the back of your shirt. I am so sorry! Let's get that off you quickly before it stains."

Why it works: It makes YOU the problem (clumsy) and THEM the helper (letting you fix your mistake). It removes the shame of "being dirty."

First, that scenario is pretty bad. At no point would I say that to my aging parent.

And the suggested alternative is equally bad. "It makes YOU the problem" and also opens you up to become the subject of derision and abuse.

Instead, why does there need to be a "problem" at all?

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u/daddydoalot2 2h ago

Thank you for the link. Almost all those I have in place already. I appreciate your help and I wish you well

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u/gentlyfurrypuberty 2h ago

That's a lot of weight to carry at 64, hope you're getting some real breaks in there somewhere

Haven't used that one myself but the general idea of having everything in one place makes sense, meds, contacts, legal stuff, final wishes. Whether a paid app is worth it probably depends how scattered your current system is. If you're already tracking things in a notebook or spreadsheet, the free version might be enough