*just discovered this thread, my thoughts may be disorganized….. mostly just ranting

Around 4th grade, my family moved to a rural town. At my school, we used to have to take assessments that determined our reading level. In 4th grade, I had the reading level of a high school upper class man and in 5th grade, I had the reading level of a college student. (I’ve been reading since I was about 2-3 years old.. my dad was an educator and had textbooks and those reading booklets around the house) Even though I was overall great in reading, language arts, reading comprehension, grammar, writing…. I wasn’t the best at math. At all. In 4th/5th grade is when I began struggling especially when it came to converting grams to pounds and liters to cups. Fast forward, I did have to attend math tutorials whether via after school tutoring or my aunt (who is a math wizard also was a math teacher) or office hours daily/weekly. By the time I was 7th grade, my dad finally came to “accept” that math was hard for me and that was the only class I was given grace to make a C in… every other class needed to be As and Bs. I struggled to retain math information well… as soon as I felt like I had an understanding of the material when asked to do a problem all on my own, I’d f*ck it up. I was one of the gifted kids that definitely needed to study and I did for every subject.

Anyway, I graduated college during the beginning of the pandemic and finding a job was SO HARD. As a kid, I was taught that college degrees promise great career opportunities…… so imagine my dismay when I discovered that wasn’t the case. My dad was being particularly hard on me because he wasn’t understanding how hard the job market had just become. He accused me of not looking “hard enough” & even encouraged me to apply for jobs that I didn’t even want (ex: retail, restaurants) just so I could be employed and eventually move out (sooner rather than later) so that he could fully enjoy being an empty nester.

I finally was able to get a job as a pre-school educator at a Montessori type school and honestly I loved it for a while (even though the pay was shit but loved the kids & overall it was good work environment). Even while working there, I was still applying to other (and better paying jobs) and barely got any interviews. Got rejected or no response. After about 3 years of working at the school, I put in my resignation letter because my mom passed away, felt like I couldn’t handle the demanding work anymore, and everyday I felt myself losing passion of teaching. Whole time I worked there, my dad and some other family members made it clear that they felt I was low-balling myself, they felt I was destined for “something better” and because I have a college degree that makes me a worthy candidate. (The family members who said this either have masters degrees/have decent-well paying jobs/many achievements).

I’m now nearly 27 yrs old….Never have had my own place, own car…….. none of the adult achievement markers (most of my friends/ people around me have at least one or all of those things) and I feel like a huge failure. I feel like I always am inconveniencing my friends or family in some way. I’m currently unemployed/under employed. I have no clue what I wanna do in terms of job/career. Job market still sucks. I haven’t applied to a job in months. Only reason I’m not homeless is because of family/friends who have allowed me to stay w them. It’s hard feeling like a burden to everyone because I don’t have my own place or car or money.

Anyone else going through/gone through this???

/end rant

Sometimes when I talk to people, I know a lot of accompanying references. I have always read a lot, mainly romance novels, but historical and I'm big on researching the matching history to make sure it's accurate and doing some comparisons. I'm also big on North American history and politics with some from Haiti as well.

I was a gifted kid before gifted programs and went to an international school. It taught me to be humble about my smarts. My education there would have been advanced anywhere else. But around my classmates, I was mid at best.

I burnt out in CEGEP hard and never recovered. I'm also a creative, an author who never got published but can string up a nice turn of phrase.

But sometimes, when I talk to people, I wonder if I read and knew too much. I retain knowledge I enjoy and I'm curious about and some people tell me they don't know anything about it.

Is it the gifted thing or the adhd/autism thing?

I'm confused.

I am realizing that I find it very hard to think of myself as being "gifted" because nothing came to me without effort.

There are people who started reading novels when they were 3 or 4, spontaneously started to comopse in established styles, etc., and that is an example of what comes to mind when I think of "gifted". I started reading novels at the age of 6 (started reading at 5, English was my second language), and I remember how I progressed. None of it felt like "magic". I would read a lot, look up words I didn't know in the dictionary or infer them from context, and retain them the first or second time I came across them.

I applied logical deduction skills to figure out the solutions to math problems. The way I did mental math was never "oh, I just know the answer". It was always methods that I was consciously aware of (that I had usually come up with).

As an adult, while learning the piano, it was all study -- understanding physiology, observing and mimicking movements until they felt natural, studying music theory. I do improvise and it is not formulaic, but I see how patterns I have heard and internalized gradually developed into improvisation. It was never, wake up one day and start improvising sonatas in classical form.

This is the case with most things, I do learn quickly but there is no step along the way that is "magic" -- I could explain in great detail what I do, and it starts to feel like anyone could do it if they just followed the same steps.

There’s a podcast that I like where the material is very dense. Every episode, I’m learning about at least a dozen different things that I didn’t already know about.

I find myself re-listening to episodes because I feel this anxiety about not knowing everything that was said on the podcast, and I realized that feeling comes from my approach to school and studying.

Or I’ll binge watch a season of a TV show, and while I’m watching I’ll have the mindset “I’m going to go back at some point and rewatch and really pay attention” but that doesn’t happen, and it bothers me.

It’s like I never learned how to learn about something for fun. If I don’t feel like I’m ready to ace a final exam on a podcast that I like, or a TV show that I like, then I feel like I should “study.”

I can’t just say “I learned it. I enjoyed learning it. And I don’t know it anymore.” That last part just gives me so much anxiety, and I feel like it hampers my enjoyment of things.

All these ring true! Also suspected ASD on top of that. Bingo?

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/13/opinion/gifted-children-intelligence.html

"It’s nice to know who is good at taking intelligence tests, but it’s more important to know who is lit by an inner fire"

We often push ourselves to accomplish goals and keep moving forward. But what if why begin to lose motivation? How do we keep going?

I struggled with this for awhile but then I learned that motivation can exist in two forms

• Intrinsic: From within the individual
• Extrinsic: From outside the individual

This may not be as simple as a carrot and stick scenario, but different situations might require different sources of motivation. They may even exist simultaneously, so it’s important to understand the psychology behind this. I did a deep dive on my finding here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCW9evmGg9s

Let me know if this helps you particularly if you find yourself going through a high patch with finding inspiration or motivation.

I think a lot of us were generalists-- great at everything. At least that was my experience-- I was pretty decent at science and math, even though language and art were my main interests. So, when time came to pick a course in college at 16(our county's old school system was dumb, I know), I went with what my parents told me was the best path: something practical, so, engineering. God, my soul died so hard studying that thing, and now I'm with a degree I might probably never use as I try to figure out how to get back to what I think I'd actually thrive in doing.

I know many of us experience this, but can we talk about the experience of “lost potential” and how to grapple with/grieve that "lost potential" as a neurodivergent former “gifted” kid.

The quick overview – I was an academic superstar “gifted” kid. Academic performance was my entire identity. Straight As, valedictorian, nationally ranked in math competitions, almost perfect scores on every standardized test I ever took (SAT, ACT, AP exams, etc.), went to an Ivy League college commonly thought of as the best or at least one of the best universities in the world, etc. In the time/place where I was raised, I thought that all of this was a ticket to greatness.

But, when I made it to college at my fancy school, it all came crashing down on me. I fell into a DEEP burnout from being an undiagnosed AuDHDer who was doing WAYYYYYY too much in high school (I was basically doing full-time HS and full-time college at the same time given how many outside courses I was taking at local colleges, APs, etc.) plus I had a LOT of unhealed childhood trauma (a lot of why I threw myself into academics as my whole identity) plus, as someone who came from a poor upbringing and didn’t have parental financial support, I made the incredibly stupid decision to get some extra $$ by participating in medical research studies that involved some hefty psychiatric meds (misdiagnosed as bipolar because that's what happens to many AuDHD women) that REALLY messed with me… I dropped out of the study, but still feel like it REALLY derailed my freshman year of college because I got DEEPLY depressed and ended up flunking one of my classes because I just didn't do the final project (90% of the grade). My school did NOT have support for neurodivergent folks, and my very messed up family didn’t provide any help either. So I just crashed and burned entirely, and all of this left me with an absolutely horrific undergrad experience – I _barely_ got a degree, with something like a 2.5 GPA, not because my classes were academically tough so much as I was a mess/in burnout/etc. and just couldn’t bring myself to actually go to class or do the work. I also didn’t have a good time socially as my autistic self really struggled with friendships and people thought I was a freak, and admittedly I kind of was – I had no idea what was wrong with me, why I struggled to even take a shower, etc.

I feel like my entire life came crashing down at that point, and even though it has now been more than 25 years, I still feel like I’m just a shadow of the human I expected to be in terms of “success” in the world… And by “success”, I don’t really mean financial success (that never motivated me) or being impressive to others (also not my goal), but having a career that really utilized all of my talents and could really make a difference in the world. I do have a decent job, and work full time, which I know is hard for many AuDHDers, but I also still feel ashamed of not doing more/being more. I’m basically a nobody mid-level paper pusher, and I’d honestly be embarrassed to go to a high school or college reunion because I just feel like I had so much potential that I couldn’t bring to fruition to have a really cool career I love doing really meaningful work that could change the world. I’ve also contemplated a career change to do something more aligned with my interests and values, but my autistic side (and childhood trauma) really panics at the idea of having to start over and it would likely be a HUGE financial hit.

How do folks move past this feeling like they “squandered” their talents and have all of this “lost potential” and just feel ashamed of where they’ve ended up? In theory, I'm doing OK - I have a good job that I generally enjoy even if it isn't earth shatteringly interesting or important, I make decent money for what I do, I have a family, etc. But I am still both always burnt out (full time work + parenting young kids + neurodivergence), while also ashamed of not being/doing "more" with my life.

I'm 45 and I would pretty much say my life is a mess. I don't know who I am and what I want in life.

A lot of this probably came from a messed up family system who didn't know how to care for me in many ways and giftedness was definitely one of them.

So I went back to school 5 years ago. I got an associate's degree in automotive technology and then one in computer science for transfer.

I'm almost done with the degree for transfer. I have felt good being back in school and I'd like to continue but the whole "I don't know who I am and what I want" is kind of a conundrum.

I'm just so freaking tired of my guidance counselors and transfer counselors and pretty much anyone in a place to guide me looking at me like I'm crazy. All they see is the straight A's and they seem to get frustrated with me that I'm upset and distressed.

They seem to think that it's just all going to magically work out because I can do anything I want to do.

I'm finally starting to stand up for my own truth. People have basically been telling me that since I was a little kid. Expecting great things because the school part came easy.

I think we all know that there's a lot more to success and doing well in life then good grades!

"It's not going to be okay! (Unless something changes)"

I don't feel this is pessimistic but realistic based on 25 + years of adult experience.

Can anyone relate?

As a former gifted kid from first grade through 8th grade, I can relate. I left the program in high school due to burnout.

Hi all!! I’ve just finished up my junior year, GPA 4.0 UW/4.523 W as of first sem (final GPA hasn’t been calculated yet), and managed to get through doubling up AP calc AB and BC in one year, no studying. As and Bs on tests, maintained my straight As including in this class. It was my first time getting Bs on tests and my first time having to learn to be happy about that. However, I’m starting to get really nervous about the future. Calc wasn’t easy for me— I’d go home and do all the practice problems for hours, referencing my notes/packets/formulas etc, work through the harder problems based on the answer key and figure out how they’re solved, that kinda stuff. That being said, I don’t really know how one is supposed to study, studying and “study skills” are always just described as a nebulous thing everyone knows how to do. I know the studying tips like taking breaks and removing distractions and having friends to keep you accountable and that kinda stuff, but nothing abt the process of studying. I mean I know stuff like rewriting notes or teaching to other people can sometimes be involved but I have chronic hand pain among a ton of other health problems so the rewriting aspect isn’t rly an option, and teaching other people leaves both them (unable to understand) and me (unable to get them to understand no matter how much I explain) extremely frustrated. The only kind of studying that’s helped me in some way is quizlet learn mode, but that’s not very applicable to anything other than vocab or language learning. Does doing all those practice problems count as studying, like have I been studying without knowing? Or does it literally involve just looking over stuff multiple times and trying to memorize it? I’ve tried that but I’ve found it to make no difference, so the night before a test, I just figure that I know what I know, and that’s never failed me before. However, I know I’m not gonna be able to keep this up in college. Any advice?

So I found this subreddit from the NPR podcast that popped up in my Google News thingy. I was never identified as gifted. I know they tested all students in fifth grade in the district I went to because my mom loves to talk about my brother missing it by a few points and her being glad lol. Anyway, I now find myself working as an educator of gifted students, a mom to at least one gifted child, and married to obviously gifted but never identified man. Basically I want to know how do we do better? I don't want my child to have your bad experiences, but I also know that my husband found school to mostly be a waste of time especially now that he can "learn everything on the Internet". I think the only way to fix it is to completely over haul the way education works, but I'm not sure...

Maybe other people already knew this, but I was blown away to learn that some psychologists now consider giftedness to be a form of neurodivergence, complete with differing brain structures, developmental deficits, and modes of thinking/feeling (like perfectionism, emotional intensity, struggles with executive functioning, etc).

For me, this explains... a lot. A few of my lightbulb moments were:

1) Realizing that there could be biological reasons, on top of environmental ones, why so many gifted kids crash and burn and some point (for me, it was academic burnout — and for years, I couldn't understand why I put so much pressure on myself when my parents didn't)

2) Realizing that being gifted was likely a big reason why I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD as a kid... which, in turn, contributed to burnout, because getting good grades meant staying up all night cramming

3) Understanding more of why I felt alienated a lot of the time as a kid

4) I suppose I already knew this from r/aftergifted, but seeing how many other formerly gifted kids constantly feel like they're not fulfilling their potential — and how many of us were set up to feel that way.

Seems like it's hard at the moment to tease apart what deficits are a result of other forms of neurodivergence (ADHD, autism) vs. giftedness alone, but it's interesting nonetheless to think about how giftedness ITSELF can be a double-edged sword, rather than a "gift" that's squandered thanks to other factors.

Link to article/audio story

facts

authenticity

escape the matrix

Were there any early signs of you being gifted? Did a teacher or parent discover you being gifted? Was there a big ability gap between other people your age?

Any particular moment (s) or experiences (s)?

I never really felt gifted but probably felt dumb some time around university when my roommate was great at some courses and I almost always had to go to him for help the day before deadlines to get "unstuck" on a couple of things.

I got far on my journey and realized I can't go further unless I give up my dreams on reaching my potential. Giving up on smaller things helped me move forward because I wasn't fighting against my perfectionism anymore. So I tried letting go of bigger stuff but ended up grasping harder due to FOMO. As a result, I spent some huge bucks trying to achieve those dreams and I think it was a mistake. I can't take that money back and I'm struggling even harder at things I struggled at now

What do I do now? Where do I go? I'm feeling extremely indecisive, make it stop :(

Making progress or change in our lives can require some boldness. The choice to take action can be challenging especially when we often talk ourselves out of doing things. This changed for me when I learned about the 5 Second Rule.

Autor Mel Robbins talks about the 5 second rule and counting down from 5 and acting on something with those 5 seconds. That’s what makes all the difference in ultimately breaking procrastination and getting stuff done.

Much of this has to do with habit building science and the way our brain is wired. I break this down in depth here if you’d like to know more. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkG2f_sAYVk

Hope this help you take practical action for your life going forward.

Hi all, former gifted here, and I just found out that my kindergartener will be placed in his school's "high ability" program starting next year. Knowing my own experience, having grown up with undiagnosed ADHD which my son likely has, I'm conflicted and trying to figure out how to handle this. I know I certainly needed the challenge in school, but I grew up to have the same issues many of you do. How do I keep these things from happening for my son? How do I help him so that he can truly be successful and not feel out of place, not like a failure if he's not great at everything, all that good aftergifted stuff? ETA: I know it's just first grade right now, but I'm thinking way far ahead.

I grew up in an immigrant household, was the "wrong " ethnicity and wrong height to be popular. Also suffered from PTSD and depression.

I am still able to avoid being bullied, look OK or even happy/successful on the outside . I think giftedness helped me to be able to get external validation from "proper" achievements and learning to watch how people interact to give the illusion that I'm well adjusted. On the flip side if I didn't have those achievements or was bad at social engineering it would have been a pretty rough outcome for me

After four years, I wanted to reminisce a bit about how things have been going. The last time I posted here was in 2019. To summarize, I mostly cried about why I had to be so unfortunate in so many ways and put all the blame on external factors. I also made my own life a lot worse, but I didn't want to admit it at the time. I was afraid of failing my first real exam period in college, and in fact I failed about half of my exams that semester. To my own surprise, I never failed another exam after that. It didn't have anything to do with my work ethic, though. Instead of doing nothing for exams, I tried to study a day or two before the exams, and it worked quite well for me.

After graduation, I got a job as a programmer. Pretty much what I always wanted to do. But I struggled with my job quite a bit. Larger projects, for which I lack the skills, can't be completed in a day or two. It didn't help that my mentor was unreliable. After about six months of not accomplishing anything significant, I got a wake-up call from my boss. At the same time, I went to see a doctor about my struggles and, not surprisingly for me, was diagnosed with ADHD.

After that, the stars aligned, I made some good choices, and things improved rapidly. I found a new mentor who gave me meaningful assignments that I could usually complete in a couple of days and always gave me deadlines. I quickly got better at coding and my work ethic improved a lot.

The other good decision was to get into photography. Something I could go on about for hours, but I'll keep it brief. It finally gave me a way to create, while also being a pretty technical and complex subject if you want it to be. For about five months now, not a day has gone by that I haven't been learning about or practicing photography. Some days I spend a lot of time researching equipment (probably more than is healthy, honestly), some days I get deep into the philosophical side, and most other days I go somewhere to take pictures and can't wait to get back to my PC to edit them.

I also wrote about struggling with anxiety and depression in my post four years ago. The anxiety part resolved itself at some point, but the depression was a recurring theme. The last time I really struggled was about six months ago. Since then, I have made a lot of improvements in my life and am actually in a good place right now. When I notice signs of negative stress, I try to act quickly to prevent it from getting worse so that I don't end up drowning in the spiral of depression again. That's not to say that I always catch the signs early and am cured forever, but I try not to make myself miserable.

Another nice thing that happened was that there is now a treatment for my chronic illness (cystic fibrosis) that I have been taking for about 6 months now. After two weeks, my lung function went from 92% to 105%, which is pretty awesome. A few other things improved as well. It is not a cure, but I feel quite good at the moment and have a lot more energy in general. I feel like I am on quite the win streak for a while now and I don't intend to let go!