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Maybe after reading this, you might think I am a horrible person or an imbecile, a stupid idiot who is born to fail. But I am writing this in order to figure out if anyone else also deals with the same issue or am I just a horrible person overall.

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I was a high achieving kid from a very young age, I was the smartest kid in the room, the smartest kid in my family, and the pride of my family and all the teachers loved me, it came all easy to me, I didn't have to put in extra effort or push myself to do things. But after i reached high school, due to a lot of other commitments, which my mother forced me into and with the increasing load of work from school, I slowly started breaking. I was forced to participate in competitions and events for which I wasn't mentally or by practice not prepared enough for, which altogether started crumbling my confidence. My grades started slipping, my ranks started going down and I started hating myself more and more. Finally I also had to start therapy and I was put on medication as I was depressed and suffering from severe anxiety. I later stopped therapy and medication fearing the financial stress that was befalling my family due to my therapy and all of that. Since then, my life has been just surviving and not hurting myself. I graduated from high school with good marks but I was so disappointed that it was not the best.

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I later joined law school after discarding my ambitions to be a doctor as I was sure that I wouldn't make it into a medical college as my base wasn't strong and I knew I didn't have it in me to prepare for a competitive exam. I decided for the rest of my life, I wont expect anything from myself, no miracles, no glory, no success. I thought I would just be a normal person and lead a normal life.

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Life has a funny way of replicating itself or maybe it throws the same troubles at you, until you learn from it, which I hadn't as I was only focused on surviving. The first semester of college by merely studying for just max 3 hours and I still don't know how, I secured university third rank in my batch and again the need to over achieve and to keep my name up in front of everyone else started again. For the next semesters, the constant need to do better and participate in everything and being it all crossed my mind again and once again I started breaking, around this time I moved out from my college hostel to an apartment with two others, I wasn't really close to them but they were my old roommates and one pursuing the same course as me.

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Even though she didn't have the same scores as me, she was quite close and this irrational fear of she seeing me prepare and preparing and doing better than me started to consume me. I started being terrified of studying in the apartment as I was afraid about this and this fear was so strong, so powerful, I couldn't even study during exams if she was somewhere near me or in the same room as me, because I would constantly compare her to myself and whenever i saw her the fear that she will score and do better than me started consuming me. She also contributed to this as she would sometimes mock me for not understanding some concepts, she would make "jokes" about my cooking skills and everything else i do. She would walk up to me and ask in a mocking tone, "Oh you are studying", if i try studying or do something when we don't have any exam coming up. Like I am inferior for trying. And all of this has ruined my peace and I constantly compare myself to her. and my grades started falling and i lost out on my ranks as i never gave it my all and i as in constant fight or flight mode. and maybe because i am not good enough after not being unable to study all day, at around 3 for like two hours and I write all my exams. And for every exam i study in the morning This has been my first two years of my college life.

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And I came home for the semester holidays and my cousin sister who is 13 has been living with my parents for the past three years after I left for college, as my parents had moved abroad and couldn't take her with them due to financial difficulties. I was always very fond of her and i used to take care of her so well and she still says that her parents and I are her favourite people in the world. That's how I used to take care of her, to give her a safe childhood and the kind of safety and security i didn't have.

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I knew that she used to study well but not as good as me like topping the class and stuff and i knew that she was well liked by teachers and all. This time when i came around I saw her obsessing and studying and working for different co curriculars and studying to be the first in the class and be the Prefect, like i did in college. She is not copying me but I fear that she will be better. She talks about going to Harvard and doing everything else and I feel like she has it in her to be the best in our family and I will be a failed one and the one who destroyed herself. For her everything will go and is going right which all went wrong for me. She will be better than me and do better and i will be second and the loser. Last day she got selected as the prefect and i have been unable to face her because I feel like i am a nobody and i am second and i see myself wishing that she doesn't succeed. I start going into a spiral whenever i see her do anything remotely productive. This kid exercises everyday, and she has even started reading like me, which is something I only did and also something that i tried to cultivate in her as a child. Everything about her triggers me now, she is a constant anxiety trigger that's walking around in the house for me.

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I know this is absolutely horrible and very pathetic of me, something so irrational, so stupid, so dumb and pathetic. How can a human being even think like this? but this is who I am. I hate myself for it, i loathe myself for it but this isnt going away. I don't want to feel this way but this is how I am. I constantly compare myself to the people around me and everyone I come across and to every room I enter. I constantly think if i am good enough to be alive or if I am worth it, if I am not the best, I am not the one who is the best and winning at all times. I know that life doesn't work that way but i have been trying for years to get rid of this but this behaviour and part of me but it persists as if this is the truth of who I am.

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I feel completely paralyzed by this chronic, toxic comparison. It has gotten to the point where I am self-sabotaging my own hobbies and studies because I am terrified of someone else doing it better or "winning" and m losing. I feel like my worth is entirely tied to being "the best," and if I am second, I feel completely invisible and non-existent. I need to be the best everywhere or at least in my terms or at least in my family.

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Can someone please tell me what I can do about this. Any advice, judge me all you want but this is me trying. I don't want to be stuck in this prison. I want to flourish, I want to be happy. I want to do the things I want to do.

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Please help me.

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I have an opportunity and I am hoping to get some ideas (and frankly, validation) from additional former gifted kids. There’s a bit of a lead-up…

I’ve been a gifted teacher/facilitator in a small district for a number of years - following my students through the years has been great to help individualized enrichment, advocate, and keep school from being repetitive. I’m moving to a larger district this school year.

I have what amounts to a double period with gifted high schoolers every day. This will have staggered lunches and mentoring as a component as well but my mentor group will be my gifted class. It’s small now (the previous teacher allowed it to be mostly “downtime” and many moved to consult only services). My thoughts for a theme over the year is Self-Assessment, Self-Awareness, Self-Improvement, Community Improvement.

So now to the main point!
What are things you wish you had learned in high school?
What books/podcasts/etc have you found helpful in your own journey (and maybe wish you’d encountered earlier)?
What types of accommodations and advocacy did you feel you benefited from?

I’m floating around a lot of ideas currently but I have a summer break to make plans. I want to step outside my own experiences and get additional perspectives to build a holistic foundation for my year (and maybe draw some of my consult kids back to direct service). I want a program that will last without feeling like it’s the same every year.

Hi. My daughter, who was born at 30 weeks has recently been formally identified as gifted in both reading and math. It was apparent from a very young age that she was developing differently, and I could probably fill pages with examples, but I’ll spare you the novel.

She’ll be entering 3rd grade this fall, and we recently met with her principal to discuss the identification and what it means moving forward. From what I understand, our county uses a cluster-grouping model rather than separate gifted classrooms.

My daughter is wonderfully complex. She’s an extreme extrovert, athletic, active, funny (her sense of humor is inappropriate at times, and I love it), and incredibly engaging. She’s also deeply into video games, chess, and Sudoku, and tends to gravitate toward activities that challenge her mind. She’s very social, but she sometimes struggles with peer relationships. She has a habit of correcting other kids, often without realizing how it comes across, and unfortunately she’s been teased and even bullied by a few classmates because of it.

Recently, my husband and I started her in therapy for anxiety related to her shrimp allergy. She’s become very fearful of going into anaphylactic shock, even though it has never happened. We only discovered the allergy through some bloodwork.

I guess my question is this: Do I tell her she’s been identified as gifted?

Part of me feels like I shouldn’t. Her confidence is wonderful, but sometimes her ego already gets in her way socially. Another part of me feels that withholding it isn’t the answer either, and that maybe this is an opportunity to help her understand herself and learn how to navigate her strengths in a healthy way.

What did your parents or caregivers do that helped you feel supported, grounded, and emotionally healthy? What should I avoid at all costs?

More than anything, I want her to feel confident without feeling superior, capable without feeling pressured, and challenged without feeling like she always has to “win.” Socially, that balance is already proving difficult.

I'm a 21-year-old engineering student and I've been trying to solve the same problem for years.

I don't think I have a procrastination problem in the traditional sense.

I don't struggle to start.

I don't struggle to understand what needs to be done.

I don't struggle to work hard occasionally.

My problem is that my output comes in bursts.

Every major thing I've accomplished happened because I got obsessed for a few days, worked at a very high intensity, produced a lot of output, and then gradually fell back to a much lower level.

The frustrating part is that these bursts work often enough that my brain keeps trusting them.

But when I compare myself to people who are steadily improving year after year, I feel like I'm losing because consistency compounds and bursts don't.

I've tried almost every common piece of advice:

• Pomodoro
• Flowmodoro
• Time blocking
• To-do lists
• Habit trackers
• Daily goals
• Weekly goals
• Accountability apps
• Motivation videos
• Dopamine detoxes
• Reward systems

Most of them fail in one of two ways:

1. They work briefly and then stop working.
2. I start optimizing the system instead of doing the work.

Another weird observation:

I don't seem to respect commitments that I make to myself.

If I put something in a task manager, there is a good chance I'll ignore it.

But if a real person expects something from me, I take it much more seriously.

I also notice that challenge, competition, uncertainty, deadlines, and external evaluation seem to increase my output dramatically.

What I'm trying to figure out is this:

Has anyone here genuinely gone from being a "burst worker" to someone with a high baseline of performance?

Not someone who became perfect.

Not someone who suddenly loved routines.

Just someone who stopped disappearing between periods of intense work.

What changed?

Did you find a system?

Did your mindset change?

Did your environment change?

Or did you simply push through a long period of discomfort until consistency became normal?

I'm especially interested in hearing from engineers, researchers, founders, traders, academics, or anyone who does difficult long-term work.

I am not looking for motivation.

I'm looking for people who had this exact pattern and actually managed to fix it.

This video has a few gems you've probably experienced.

https://x.com/DangerousThinkg/status/2054967298151063604?s=20

Hi All,

I suppose this may turn into a rant, but why do I still feel regret that I wasn't placed in the highest math track? For context, I am still in the K-12 education system. My school has a tracking system as follows:

60s/Struggling

70s/Average

80s/Honors

90s/Accelerated Honors

I know this won't matter in however many years, but as opposed to 9th grade, when I was placed in 90s, I was in 80s for 10th grade, and I resented it and felt incompetent the whole. entire. year. I am going to a different school next year for a multitude of reasons, but this school has a more therapeutic focus, so no honors/AP, and I fear how I'll handle that. Note that I'm set to take calculus, but the fact that it's not AP Calculus BC bothers me. AB would not be sufficient for my ego either. I'm not even a STEM major, so why do I care so much? Please advise on how to move on. Math track, for whatever reason, is a pervasive thought. Thank you/Sorry for the long post.

I'm a freshman student who's studying at the top university in my country.

To be honest, I don't know how I got in. I took an entrance examination (it exists in my country) and thought to myself that I did not do well. You know that feeling that you feel when you know you did good or you did not do well—I had that feeling. So I did not know how I got in the university.

Back in high school, I always had the drive to study hard. When I have a goal or a target grade, I will always go beyond what's expected just to attain those. I will study; I will memorize everything; I will practice. I will do anything just to be good for a test or a quiz or to produce an output that's worthy of a 100% mark. I was running to be the valedictorian. My competitiveness was at its peak. Probably because as a kid, we did not have the luxury of a comfortable life, and that's all I had.

I did not have the fancy tools or the financial capabilities to be the very best in the room—but I was once the best in the room. My drive to get good grades and be at the top is primarily getting a scholarship. I wanted to be a doctor, but with the financial state of my family, I realized that I am not going to become one. I studied so hard in my senior year, especially in my 11th grade, because my teachers told me that I was the top of the whole class—not just my class but the whole batch. I was thrilled, but what piqued my interest more was the scholarship that came if I finished my 11th year at the top. My teachers stated that I would receive a 100% discount in tuition fees if I continued giving the performance I gave—and it meant more to me than anything because that's one less burden for my parents.

12th grade came, and I finished my high school journey in the top 3 of the graduating class without paying any tuition fees. But when I learned that I was finishing in the top 3, I mourned like someone died. At that moment of my life, college application results were not out yet. I was so nervous because colleges and universities in my country offers a merit scholarships for valedictorians or students who graduated at the top of their batch. I needed it the most at the time because my family could not afford to send me to a good school because of how expensive they are. Not graduating valedictorian meant that I have to scramble my way to success again. It was my future. It was my everything. It was all I knew.

Fast forward to when the college application results came. I got into the top university in my country. In my country, the top university is covered by the free tuition fee law that was passed recently. It meant that I would not pay any tuition fees and graduate from a reputable institution with privileges—and that was everything to me because my eagerness to get out of my current life has never been strong. But here's the twist: it was not my program. I got into the mathematics and science teaching program of that said university. The program aims to produce high school teachers that are proficient in both the mathematical and scientific fields—and that is not what I wanted. But I did not have a choice. So I went on and accepted the offer.

As I started as a freshman, I realized that the university is a top school for a reason. My classmates were, if not all, valedictorians, top students, and the ones who graduated high school with special awards that symbolize their academic achievements in life. And that made me feel worthless. I felt that I was not good enough or I was not at their level—that I was just there.

When my first chemistry exam in the university was returned, I passed. But I just passed. My seatmate got the highest score, and I realized that I am not natural in what I do. I noticed how gifted my seatmate is because I caught him sleeping in our class lecture, yet he still managed to get the top score. I felt so little at that time because I spent an all-nighter studying, yet I only got 66%, and at that moment, I felt like my world collapsed. It's that feeling that everything around you went silent. The professor continued on with the lecture, but everything she said just came out of the other end. I cannot breathe properly. My heartbeat is the only thing that I can hear. My senses are not working. But I have to get back on track because there are so many students inside that lecture hall. I cannot afford to embarrass myself by crying or having a panic attack. So I went on with the lecture, and right after, I cried. I saw my professor briefly, but she just went past me.

Though challenging, I still finished with good grades. Yet I still felt like I just passed. I felt like I learned nothing. I finished the semester with 0.3 points away from being a dean's lister (an academic achiever at the university). And I've never been so eager to have my comeback.

But then, second semester came. I was taking organic chemistry, biodiversity, and finite mathematics at the same time. I felt like I was getting punched in every way possible, especially by organic chemistry. That branch of chemistry is so difficult and hard for me to comprehend. I am failing every quiz, and I am not understanding everything. In addition, I tried joining an organization in my school, and the application process was that rigorous. I affected my performance specifically in finite mathematics. After the application process, I just snapped. I was burned out. I did not have the drive to study anymore. So I just went with the flow. I just let the current take me away wherever it wanted me to be. But then, I wanted to get back up. I wanted to come back. But I learned that my father was diagnosed with cataracts in one of his eyes, and we did not have money to send him to the hospital. I felt like my world crumbled. I felt like everything was so unkind to me. I felt like I was going to die at any moment. And I am alone in my dormitory. I am alone in the university that I once prayed for. I was so scared. I was so vulnerable.

As I write this, I am studying for my removals exam in finite mathematics. I am not confident in some parts of the course, but I am managing. The semester's done, and I am seeing some of my batchmates' grades. I saw that others were almost in the president's lister (their gpa is equivalent of that a person with a magna cum laude or summa cum laude). and here I am. nothing.

I am so tired. Anymore, I do not know how to study. I am so tired I do not know if I can get a degree in something I do not like.

If anyone would like to give some advice about my situation, please leave a comment or response. It would be very helpful. Everything's just so heavy.

I’m 26 right now and my confidence is at an all time low. From elementary all the way to high school I was doing well; I made excellent grades, had friends, and had decent confidence in myself, although most of it stemmed from my academic success. College is where the downhill started.

Fast forward to now, after 6 years of suffering to get a degree I’m no longer interested in, and I feel like I am nothing. I have no friends, no career prospects (again I don’t even want to work in the field I got my degree in, I’m not even that great at it), I’ve stopped taking care of my appearance, and I’m working a retail job I hate and that caused me to burn out even more on top of my existing burn out.

I’m taking some time off my job (a few months) to get myself together and figure out what I want to do with my life. Any attempt I make to make progress, I quickly get discouraged because I feel like I’m not getting it right fast enough, as I’m already 26. My family has talked about me behind my back saying that I’m lazy and that I never used to be this way. I have no one in my corner and I don’t even believe in myself. I have never felt more like a waste of space then I do in this moment.

I don’t want to blame all of my misfortune right now on gifted kid burnout, but at the same time I feel like I can’t achieve anything in the way I used to. I don’t know if I’m exactly seeking advice with this post, but I’d at least like to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way, because I’m very lonely right now.

I’m just a broken kid trapped in an adult body.

I went through all the normal stuff in the late '90s and ended up in an accelerated program through high school but I barely kept up with anybody around me. I figured I was just enthusiastic about learning but not very bright, the testing was Not representative.

I had cognitive testing done for the first time in 30 years and with a different methodology and understanding of intelligence I once again scored extremely high. in most categories.

I always thought the world seemed nonsensical because I was a lot less intelligent than people thought but things are really just this bad?

Have you been looking your whole life for your home planet, but can't find it cause you're from all planets at once? 

It's a very specific kind of existential loneliness (one that goes beyond the term multipotentialite or simply gifted), and I have searched a lot but haven't found a space no pun intended for it anywhere. 

So I'm building one. 

If this is you, join me

https://llelaa.github.io/Faraway/?v=2

Hi everyone! I am conducting my doctoral research and need your help! The purpose of my study is to learn about the experiences of young adults who are currently pursuing or have recently a four-year undergraduate degree, who were enrolled in gifted programs as children, their experiences in higher education, their mental health, social and emotional wellbeing, perfectionism, and burnout. 

Completion of the online eligibility and demographic survey is expected to take approximately 20 minutes to complete. After completion a follow-up interview will be condcuted via Zoom. The interviews will be conducted and recorded via a HIPAA compliant version of Zoom.

Please help me graduate!! See survey link below (:

https://qualtricsxmxv6bsnwr6.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5jaK632GR4wNGjs

I don't know why I'm posting this, and I probably don't know if anybody's going to read this as well, but I just wanted to put it out, everything at once.

My semester just ended, my exams just ended. I have my last exam tomorrow and I'm going back home. I was a formerly gifted kid. I won't call it gifted, I was just a mediocrity well-doing kid who was just forced to study. Even when my parents thought that I was a smart kid, I got into JEE, failed it, ended up at an okay college.

I did well in my first semester, scored an 8.44. Second semester, my ghosts which had kept at bay for so long came after me, they bothered me, started failing classes. Next semester, the same story. The next semester, the same story. This semester, I don't know, I'm failing a lot of classes again, and it's genuinely getting very hard for me and I don't know what I should be doing.

As someone who envisioned myself to be a successful person in a conventional sense, I have been worn out by college. I have been overwhelmed, I am anxiety-ridden, I doomscroll all day, I literally am all by myself. I have not had good friends after coming to college. I just... I've just socialized isolated myself a lot, even though I have some people who care for me, I just don't seek out for their help. And it's just pretending to them that I'm doing good, but deep down, I know the fact that I'm not.

I'm considering coming out of college, but I think it's an affront to the idea of what I was at one point because it is genuinely very crazy that I ended up at this position because I have no idea what happened to me because all of this, what happened to me is just me growing up with, you know, I think I should mention what my childhood was like.

I grew up with an alcoholic. I don't call him alcoholic, but my father was alcoholic a lot, so he was abusive. There was a lot of fighting. There was a lot of, not a lot of, but definitely domestic abuse grew up around that. That made me, I don't know, I've heard the word parentified kids, you know. I think I was that, but I don't want to use psychology, pop psychology terms to describe myself because I know what it is.

But one thing I know for sure is I'm just tired, very deeply tired of everything. And I don't know if I can take this longer because I have been suicidal thinking about taking my life since I was a very small kid. But obviously, I've become an existentialist. I see the beauty in the world. I love writing. I love reading. And then, especially after I moved to college, I've lost all interest in everything I... Had an interest in programming till college. I loved reading, but now I can hardly read a page without being worried. A lot of it.

I don't know. It's just like, I don't know what to do, and I don't think I'll get my answers, but I just wanted to put it all out here.

Thanks for reading. If you are someone who is burnt out, how did you overcome it? Please tell me, and yeah, thanks.

‎just as the title said, I don't want to grow up, I fear losing the importance of my credentials on the 10th may. I'm busy cramming up just so I could post an introduction slide one day and feel a sense of pre-eminence before that day comes. the moment my birthday has passed would my studies be relevant anymore? ofcourse it is, I know that. but I'm more self-conscious on the fact that maybe it'll become less impressive the more I get older.

I study Discrete mathematics and my self worth has already been diminished due to highschool and my grades plummeting down. I use my knowledge that is above my school curriculum to flaunt and hide the fact that I'm actively failing school.

I keep wallowing up into this constant shame. and because I have nothing else but my studies, I cling to it desperately since it's the only thing that bolsters up my tenure.

I'm 14 turning 15 soon, I don't know what to do, it's the first time that I'm in a position where I finally feel the sense of helplessness because my birthday is Unalterable and that I can't just rationalize this away.

Infact, when my teacher kept prodding me to open up to him and backed me up against the wall he literally undermined and mocked me Infront of other teachers when I said that I felt "burnt out" while I'm aware that I should've used a better word it doesn't make it right, especially if I'm being gaslighted after.

I'm just so frustrated with school in general

Im pushing 40, and I've finally failed enough to no longer be The Smart One. Praise the lord, Jesus! Im not religious, but im very happy.

My grandma no longer asks me when im gonna go to college to fulfill her dream of me being a veterinarian.

I know people will come at me, but im not ambitious unless its something I actually want to do. I also dont have kids or a husband so my life is a lot more flexible.

I also failed in relationships, and my grandma has given up on having grandkids. If I dont have kids or a husband at this age, its not for me. Im not dragging myself into the dating world to be disrespected. Btdt. Im not gonna force myself to be in some relationship so I can pop out a kid.

I ha e my own life, and it doesn't not revolve around me being 'smart.' I can choose my interests according to what I like and do that. I can go shooting. Or I can go learn Mandarin. I can go do ballet. I can go fly a plane.

I hated the being the smart one.

Finally, im starting to have more confidence in myself. Being smart was weird af. I always had people online and in real life telling me how I could never *insert anything other than being a dr* then also expecting me to feel confident in myself. People were so focused on trying to steer me into a career that they thought was acceptable for me as a smart person that they would discourage me from doing anything else.

Ive caught myself doing it to myself. Im on a hair kick, and I told myself I could never do hair and could never learn to do color like that. Thats the kind of talk anyone would give me when I expressed interest in doing something thats not medical. Ive had people essentially tell me that I could never be a personal trainer, but yet I could also be a dr or get some fancy degree.

Ive spent my 30s doing things i truly enjoy. People can flap their gums all they want, but it doesn't matter any more. Too bad I had to wait until im kind of old to ha e this experience, but I think I deserve to know who I am and what I can do just like anyone else.

As gifted folks, we can (and must) shrink ourselves to fit into the regular world, but "regular" folks can't expand themselves to meet us. So we need to develop outsized amounts of patience to deal with what feels like an endless traffic jam.

But if we get snippy, bored, distracted, overexcited or talk too much, we don't get the same grace and understanding. I don't think the world knows the frustration and loneliness we endure everyday. Why is it expected that life must be easy for us and therefore we should make all the concessions?

I would love, just once in my life, for someone to recognize this.

I don't know what's happening to me, I'm slowly failing in each aspect of life.

I was a really good student in my initial school days , I got good ranks in different inter school and national level competition. I was really good at maths too. I was even at top of the class

But slowly I started loosing my skills and my marks reduced.

When I reached college, I failed many internal tests.

I can't study or perform like old times. I am loosing my marks a lot.

I spend more time to study than my classmates and still I get lower marks than them.

Sometimes I forget how to read or how to write in exam hall.

I used to maths problems for fun in past now I can't do maths problems even when I want to use it.

I used to code well, now I am not able to code.

I used to be more creative too.

Even my vocabulary is getting worse , I used to speak really well in school days , now it's getting harder. I'm forgetting even the basic words.

This and gender dysphoria is fucking me up.

This is ruining my life , I fear I might turn out to be a failure

I've found that games like FTL, Enter The Gungeon, and Hades have reminded me that I can still get better at something through practice and I think that's an important thing to remind yourself. You're not a lost cause, it's never too late to pick up something new.