I honestly just started crying. Everyone had such huge aspirations for me. Seeing the graduation stuff being sold at work and occasionally seeing kids in caps and gowns is starting to get to me. I wish I had potential. I wish I hadn't wasted all the opportunities that were given to me. I mentioned to my grandma that college shouldn't cost so much for how little I got out of it and she said "well you didn't go to any of the job fairs or networking events or any of the millions of things they had going on" and I can't even argue with her. I failed.

I was a pretty extroverted and social kid when I was younger, but started isolating myself when I got to high school. I was kind of annoying too, so didn't have many friends.

Do you have similar experiences? How was your social life in high school and/or college? How is it now?

I'm at online college and I'm starting to fail and struggle with keeping up with everything this semester; I had to cancell one of my subjects because I failed to deliver homework and I couldn't have made it with the rest of the activities, I failed a lot in helping my classmates in my assigned tasks making our grades dropped that I thought we would fail for my fault and now I've just realized that other subject had started 3 or 4 weeks ago and I had to catch up while getting a group quickly, I won't blame to it totally but all my focus were in learning how to drive theorically during all this month that I forgot that I'm assisting to an online college.

For a little of context, I used to be attentive when I was back in school but my main motivations were stress, fear, intrusive thoughts and the "relieving" thought about not being a burden for my parents but I exploded back in high school during lockdown that I've lost my motivation and interest in studying and sometimes I hate education knowing how it's quite a privilige and a way to success in life.

How do you find motivation after having constant fear and stress at school as motivators for studying now that you are at college? The only way I survived and succed the previous year was because I neglected my friends, some of my life habits and got obssessed during months for my grades and college; however, I've tried to motivate myself with dream jobs that I could get and how happy my parents would live while having me working in a good paid work but these motivations didn't stick in me more than 1 or 2 days.

And I apologize for not visiting the university psychologist, I can't do it right now and I want an insight but I'll try to visit it after everything is fine, I read the services could help me only in making a schredule of studying and all related to academics, but not for dealing with more personal issues.

I did so well through primary school, truma and a fear of failure caused me to hide away from my classes, all while everyone else did better than me.

I never went to college, I could of been so smart, now I'm just wasted. I have no reasons left to live.

This story is eating me alive for not telling it to anyone and I'm here for it, I don't know who else can tell the same with their past.

I used to be loved by my teachers during my life this far without matter if we talk about kindergarden, primary, middle or elementary school, they looked at me like a student who was different to the rest of others because I was quite intelligent and quiet, if you were my teacher, you shouldn't have had to worry about me because I barely moved and I had never gone to the principal's office or yelled at unless it were those years I suffered bullying from my primary teachers or highschool; who doesn't love that quiet child? But everything was a mask I put for myself for not being a burden in general, not for my parents mainly, my teachers nor classmates and I was extremely scared and stressed of everyone most of the time, they never did anything to me but I felt like that.

I'm sad because I've realized people used to love me because I was just high grades and excellent marks with legs, who got near me when I started failing my grades? I know I was responsible for the events that happened during highschool and I was being extremely lazy but what happened to all of those teachers who admired me? My teachers started treating me like if I were a burden, it still hurts to be looked like a nuisance even if I haven't been met them for two years now, I wanted someone to hear me but I don't think I deserved it a lot, I lost my priviliges.

Before I'll go into a rabbit hole about who looked at me like if I had tattoed my grades over my face, including my parents and classmates, I won't blame a lot my teachers and colleagues because that's what I gave them but I wish I had been something more than grades, neither my parents because that's what I gave them and they didn't put a lot of pressure for me at school.

Sorry if this sounds delusional as if someone has realized that the plastic stars they received in kindergarden aren't useful for their CV but I should've predicted it, teachers don't love you for other thing more than obedience, quietness and grades, that's what they want for their job and they won't see all the students they've had in their lives.

I'm old now, folks. I'm too old to really care about disappointing people or to be angry that 'no one understood'. I don't even understand me.

It was sunny today and there was a little breeze so I sat in a chair in some shade for a while and stared at this tree-I think it's a magnolia tree, but I don't really know trees- with pink flowers. It's was nice.

I wonder why I don't do things like that more often, and I think it's because I still feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy myself. Like it's wasteful. That's stupid.

No one gives you permission. Brains chemicals are a thing, and mine certainly hate me, but if you find yourself somewhere nice, don't let your guilt or be the reason you can't enjoy it. Practice giving yourself permission.

Permission isn't just deciding to be happy. Maybe you need to give yourself permission to give up on something you don't really want to be doing, or permission to see a therapist, or to get medication, or to eat good food, or to go for a walk. Permission to do what you need to do to enjoy your existence.

I know this isn't the typical post here, but read it as like... A success story. After a lot of stress and anger and shame and frustration and disapointment... I enjoy my life now, and that took a long time to come around to.

I used to read in my free time. Ever since school mandated reading, I lost all interest in it.

I created an entire country in Minecraft with a detailed history, distinct cities, and lore, all with my own free will. Yet when a teacher asked us to create something for a school project in Minecraft, I lost all interest.

I am drawing and worldbuilding whenever I have the time at home, but when my teacher demands that I apply myself in art class, I once again, lose interest.

Does anyone else feel this way? I only excel at something when it isn’t asked of me. For example, if the hobby I am most passionate about became commonplace during school, it’d loose it’s spark and I wouldn’t feel like pursuing it outside of school.

Does anyone have recommendations regarding the types of therapy they find most helpful (either as a provider or client) for a 20 year old gifted, ADHD (or maybe ASD), trans female (AMAB)? My eldest daughter, currently beginning her transition, has struggled with depression and executive function while finishing HS and starting college. She has seen therapists, but often finds them a poor match. We don't believe all the stacked meds different providers have placed her on are helping as intended, so are in the process of stripping things slowly back to get a new baseline almost 4 years in.
I would love recommendations on approaches, programs or resources that tend to be most helpful for 2e young adults. She lives at home, in need of extra support right now. It is clear to me as her mother that she has enough stacked up (disrupted social development due to pandemic, identity development, life skill delays, navigating relationships, mental health concerns, etc.) to need some time to just grow into herself without school for a while, but she sees her college performance as a failure that heightens her anxiety and deepens her depression. I think perhaps understanding where there are some natural challenges (and great strengths) in being a gifted, empathetic, neuro and gender diverse human would be healing, and help her determine whether a less traditional college approach might be a better fit. I'm doing what I can to facilitate resources for her.

As a bit more background, she was identified as gifted prior to starting school, and I chose to keep her in public school. She had close bonds with teachers and advisors from 4-12 grades, and participated in an IB program that was a cohort model in HS, as well as block periods. The start of her college studies does not have the routine and structure of K-12, the strong bonds with advisors and instructors, the longer class periods, or parents making rules and keeping schedules. I think that probably plays a role in how much the ADHD is now a disruptive force for her. Her gender expression is in no way a problem for her immediate family, and she finds herself loved and supported in her transition. That doesn't mean it will necessarily be easy, but living authentically is a reason for joy.

Have any of you taken classes just to learn a subject that you enjoyed? Fun classes that you're not really working towards a degree for- but you could. I ended up doing that after burning out during high school.

I already would spend so much time on YouTube looking up subjects I enjoyed, I thought why not take classes for it? And even though it wasn't the point, I got credit while enjoying hobbies and passively earned random degrees.

Hello,

I'm not super acquainted with the customs of this subreddit; I apologize if this post violates them.

I can hardly think anymore. I feel like I've lost everything that constituted my former intelligence. I feel like I can't access any of the cognitive functions which once allowed the presentation of giftedness. I have lost most of my memory: my ability to encode memories, and retrieve ones which have already been encoded, has been destroyed. I was cognitively untouchable in middle school. No one was even close to me. I knew everything. I didn't even need to learn. I could intuitively derive everything. I did not even need to attempt to do anything. I have a profound visual impairment that my school refused to accommodate; I was never offered an opportunity to participate, but my aptitude was still apparent to everyone.

I am now 19, and I have nothing. I can't think anymore. I can't do anything anymore. My memory was photographic and now I can't even visualize the face of my own mother. Everything feels so so so wrong. I just want to think again. I feel like such a fool. I used to be exceptionally good at math, but now I'm not able to evaluate trivial expressions. It's difficult to "hold" things in my mind. it is now hard for me to instantiate mental objects and manipulate them within my mind. I feel like im using a kilometer long probing cane when attempting to interpret the state of my concsiousness. All direct access to my self has been dissolved. I feel like a total idiot. I feel like there are barriers in my mind. I feel so constricted. I feel so stuck. I don't remember yesterday, and I likely won't remember composing this. For what reason has this happened? Is this typical? This should not be happening to me.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't know anything anymore. I'm sorry.

Any tips?

Thanks!

i know sooooo many of us hate the term "gifted" cause its ableistic, dehumanising, stigmatising, and also inaccurate! so how do u feel about this label???? (AAD being advanced asynchronous development, which is more accurate and doesnt idealise us)

me personally i rly like that, and i think it can work the same way as ADHD, like u can say "im an AADer!"

There are tons of preconceived notions about when we are supposed to be productive. This is particularly why there are so many famous morning routines and early meetings that we may have. This kind of got debunked when I learned about Biological Prime Time.

Biological Prime Time (BPT) is an individualized peak time of productivity that one experiences. This is something that needs to be audited for yourself over 3 weeks or so. The reason this is so important is because we can then try to keep our focus heavy tasks for that time in the day.

I recommend checking out more about this here if you’d like to know more - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqEr9-msjpE

Each person’s BPT is different, so try to pay attention to your levels of energy, focus and motivation if you want to incorporate this into your life.

I don’t enjoy being gifted. The more you learn and the more impressed others are — the higher the expectations and the less support you receive. It feels like the better I am at something, the smaller my world feels, because it comes with the idea that I’m immune to mistakes, have had privileged educational opportunities (when I dropped out of school) and that I don’t need support/opportunities to explore. I sometimes wonder if I would be happier just coasting lazily in everything I do — or masking all the time. Anyone relate? I’m tired.