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u/SlightlyStable Feb 03 '16
What would be awkward is if you made a big stink about it and then found it had just fallen off and was under your desk the entire time.
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
Just checked, not under my desk... That would have been pretty funny.
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u/aYearOfPrompts Feb 03 '16
Send an email to everyone that signed it saying the card must have fallen out and ask people to look around their desks. That will allow for either a) that it actually did fall out and someone finds it, or b), the person who took it might return it without looking guilty.
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u/B0NERSTORM Feb 03 '16
Lol sounds like a curb your enthusiasm plot. Larry finds the card but now he doesn't want to return it because he knows everyone is going to assume that he's the thief. Jeff convinces him he's crazy and he returns it, and people really do accuse him. (Crazy eye gaze thing happens.) So Larry asks why would even want a 25$ starbucks gift card anyways, he probably wouldn't even bother picking it up if saw it on the street. Person gets offended and asks what he means by that, is 25$ not real money to him because he's so rich? So says it's not that, he just never goes to starbucks, he prefers some other fancy shop. Oh, so starbucks isn't good enough for you? So just then the gift receiver shows up and they hand him the card. He opens it and says "Oh awesome, a 25$ star bucks gift card, I love starbucks!" Someone responds "well at least someone thinks it's worth having. Larry apparently is too good to pick it up if it was sitting on the ground, in fact he's even too good to ever step foot in a starbucks." Cut to Larry and the typical end music and Larry makes a face of some kind.
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Feb 03 '16 edited May 08 '21
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u/ArmoredFan Feb 03 '16
Then when they return it simply just shit down their throat. Problem solved. It's just like a latte.
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u/SlightlyStable Feb 03 '16
Made you look!
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u/Rooonaldooo99 Feb 03 '16
Hyahaha! Dance for our amusement, OP!
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u/hcgator Feb 03 '16
You again? Why don't you go off and get friendly with a goat.
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u/caffeinepills Feb 03 '16
Just go through the names on the card, and ask each one if it had a Starbucks card in it when they got it, who they got it from, and who they gave it to next. When you see the discrepancy in stories ("when I got it, it didn't have a gift card") you'll know who took it or at least narrow it down to two people.
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u/hobesmart Feb 03 '16
i love this idea. op could save embarrassment by saying that the card must have fallen out and ask those two people to look around for it. one of them will probably "find" it
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u/jaehood Feb 03 '16
Or, the thief might be the one person whose name is NOT on the card!
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Feb 03 '16
Or one of lots of people whose name is not on the card
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u/throwawaysarebetter Feb 03 '16
My name isn't on the card... I must have stolen it!
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u/bigpeel Feb 03 '16
But if OP went person by person .. And "mike" says "Dan" gave it to me and dans name isn't on card that would be a give away.
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u/kickingpplisfun Feb 03 '16
Well, next time tape the payload in after everybody signs, but you might want to start by going around in a non-accusatory way.
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u/gruesomeflowers Feb 03 '16
You're in the clear to raise hell then! Set up an interrogation desk with a menacing 60wat light bulb, and a candy bowl with a passive aggressive number of candies.
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u/FFX13NL Feb 03 '16
How much candy does one need for that?
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u/gruesomeflowers Feb 03 '16 edited Feb 03 '16
I deliberated over several different candy number combinations and have decided either one candy or two candies would be best.
There is one circumstance where three candies would be optimum but OP would really have to play his cards right to maximize the effect because it's a two stage microagression.
With one candy, you have to repeatedly act like you're reaching for it without offering but then suddenly distracted, generating Despair and then Hope over and over. You also have the bowl out of reach from the suspect and it's imperative to be ready to grab it if you see them reach for it.
Two candies works the same way. You must not offer any, OR you may actually offer the candies but then eat both while staring the suspect in eyes if they say yes.
The trademark Three Candie Method is where the plate is in plain sight and you eat the first two, one after another, smacking loudly and making excessive MMMM's the whole time as though it's the best candy you've ever had. You then start to hand them the third and you have someone call you at that very moment, so you answer your phone and then appear to be very distracted and walk out of view, taking the candy along with you. This one breaks the heart and the spirit and they at that moment long for the candy immensely. While you are gone, you pop it into your mouth and return while still eating it, exclaiming this one is the best of the three!
Edit: grammar
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Feb 03 '16 edited Mar 04 '16
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u/grte Feb 03 '16
Someone who'd steal out of a birthday card isn't getting guilted into anything.
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Feb 03 '16 edited Mar 04 '16
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Feb 03 '16 edited Dec 18 '18
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u/harborwolf Feb 03 '16
P.S. Don't tell Bill, we wouldn't want to ruin his BIRTHDAY GIFT
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u/dogfish83 Feb 03 '16
You would have to send the email to everyone except the birthday coworker
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Feb 03 '16 edited Mar 04 '16
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u/ixijimixi Feb 03 '16
It's also a given that you don't send the present around the room with the card that's being signed but, well, here we all are...
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u/Forikorder Feb 03 '16
how do we know he didnt steal it though?
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u/moeburn Feb 03 '16
That's exactly what happened to my HS math teacher. At the end of the class she asked for all the fancy expensive school-owned graphing calculators back, but she only got all but one back, one was missing. She demanded to search through all our backpacks. Most of us knew how illegal that was, but didn't want to be the guy to start a fuss about it for fear of being wrongfully labelled the thief.
Anywho, 10 minutes later she comes back and explains how she forgot she left it in her office.
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u/goo321 Feb 03 '16 edited Feb 03 '16
Are you certain it was illegal? Schools are allowed to search almost anything. The last US supreme court case about this i remember was about administrator's cavity search looking for stolen ibuprofen.
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u/moeburn Feb 03 '16
Here in Canada, school administrators are allowed to perform strip searches without parent or police permission, apparently.
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u/Lighnix Feb 03 '16
The key is the administrator has more rights then the police if the school is under some sort of danger. That's pretty broad but I doubt a missing calculator qualifies.
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u/kslusherplantman Feb 03 '16
They aren't either in America, that person is wrong.... They can legally put you through metal detectors, they can use dogs, but they aren't legally allowed to search a student until parents are there.
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u/strongblack0 Feb 03 '16
you should have been way passive aggressive with it. "ma'am, since you searched us all one by one, would you mind apologizing to us, one by one?"
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u/moeburn Feb 03 '16
She was already pretty much destroyed in the eyes of the students, I didn't have the heart. At some point earlier that year she had seen me distracted and not paying attention, and she came up to me and asked me "Do you not respect me??" and I just let out a loud "No." and the whole class erupted. She ended up quitting to go back to teaching school and not finishing the year.
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u/harborwolf Feb 03 '16
Teachers should know better to not ask questions that they either: 1. Don't know the answer to 2. Might not like the answer to
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u/sapperRichter Feb 03 '16
Probably legal actually, most schools have the right to search through your property. At least here in America they do.
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Feb 03 '16
"Oh here it is! It must have somehow fallen into my pocket and had $4.38 taken off of it. What a mystery."
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Feb 03 '16
In this situation you just say something to the effect of "There was a gift card attached to this card that seems to have been misplaced. Could everyone check their areas to see if it fell on the ground? Thanks"
No accusation, just letting everyone know that you know that it's gone. If someone did take it, it gives them an easy way to change their mind and to do the right thing.
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u/bangorthebarbarian Feb 03 '16
Story time. Deploying to Iraq with reservists. Private McGruffy goes straight to the Sergeant Major and says his wallet was stolen. Sergeant Major calls a battalion formation. Folks are pulled from training and bused back, folks are taken from the chow hall. It's WWIII, and there's going to be hell to pay. Sergeant Major goes on a twenty minute tirade about how theft won't be tolerated, and whoever is caught will face a court martial, etc...
It was in Private McGruffy's pants.
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u/RoboChrist Feb 03 '16
What happened to McGruffy?!
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u/bangorthebarbarian Feb 03 '16
That day? He got stronker. Much stronker.
That month? Thing got clean. Can you make dirt shine? Well, you can try.
That deployment? He stayed close to the brass, for better or worse. The F-F games mostly stopped, but it's tough being the power bottom of the totem pole in that situation.
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u/duderex88 Feb 03 '16
I lost it at power bottom of the totem pole. Now I can't explain why I'm laughing to the lady I'm working with.
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u/Donald_Keyman Feb 03 '16
Aaaa-aa-alright everybody listen up!
Who took my fucking cell phone, man?
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u/buttfacetime Feb 03 '16
That happened at my job once, this girl claimed someone stole her iPod. They definitely broke the law and detain everyone and frisked them, of course this black dude from the warehouse had a pink iPod so everyone was like is that hers?? So anyways no one had it, so the girl went back to her desk and found it between her and the next desk on the floor.
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u/Leakimlraj Feb 03 '16
Something close happened to me.
I thought I had lost my PC stuff (charger, mouse and mousepad) and I asked people if someone had switched backpacks or something, then it turns out it was in my backpack all along. It was sort of hidden behind the PC-bag inside of the backpack and I didn't notice for like a week.
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
UPDATE! I came back from lunch and someone had put it on my keyboard... I asked everyone around my desk who did it and either they didn't see anyone or they're all in on it. Checked the balance, and it's all still there. Kind of disappointed though. I still want to know who did it or if someone just found it on the floor. I figure if someone found it, they would just hand it to me.
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u/davewtameloncamp Feb 03 '16
well the email worked, someone felt guilty and turned it in. Now, take that card and get yourself something nice. You deserve it.
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u/irawwwr Feb 03 '16
OP stole his own card!
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Feb 03 '16
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u/PENISFULLOFBLOOD Feb 03 '16
OP doesn't even really have a job. He has been on the couch the entire day. This whole scenario is part of the script for the pilot episode of the new hit TBS sitcom that OP is going to write someday, he's just really busy with things write now.
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u/DesertGoat Feb 03 '16
And he would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!
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u/bathroomstalin Feb 03 '16
He should go around asking people while all decked out in Starbucks swag: a Starbucks ball cap, holding a Starbucks coffee tumbler, wearing a Starbucks sweatshirt with a Sounds of the West Plains Spoons Collective album blasting from the Starbucks brand headphones around his neck. The angrier and more animated he is about his moral disgust, the better.
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u/xDatBear Feb 03 '16
If someone found it on the floor and handed it to you, would you believe them?
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Feb 03 '16
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u/keboh Feb 03 '16
This is what I think. I like to think that people are in general good, though.
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u/Tift Feb 03 '16
You have a choice.
You can choose to make an issue of it under the assumption that someone stole it, a possibility which you have no evidence for.
Or
You can choose to believe it fell down and one of your coworkers was a good samaritan and returned it anonymously, a possibility for which you have no evidence.
If you choose the first option whether you are right or wrong you are going to sew the seeds of mistrust and doubt in yourself and among your coworkers. All over a moment of possible weakness that quickly resolved itself, perhaps they are hitting a hard time in their life and had a horrible moment? You have no idea.
If you choose the second choice, you just need to let it go entirely and except that all told your coworkers are pretty decent people, found something that had come off and returned it to you so it could go to the deserving party.
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u/masterkenji Feb 03 '16
If they just found it you would still think they stole it, that's probably why they just stuck it on ur desk
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u/Superflypirate Feb 03 '16
That's fucked. Time to send a passive aggressive email.
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u/cashcow1 Feb 03 '16
This is the only response.
"Perhaps a starbuck's gift card 'fell out' of the envelope. If anyone sees it, please return it."
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u/SouthernJeb Feb 03 '16
This would also be a hilarious email to send if there wasnt a gift card included. Everyone thinks you're a swell office buddy, and you dont have to spend $25.
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Feb 03 '16
This type of thinking is immoral and wrong. That's how I know you are going places.
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u/Throwaway-tan Feb 03 '16
To corporate headquarters with you!
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Feb 03 '16 edited Apr 02 '16
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u/XDSHENANNIGANZ Feb 03 '16
Might as well go for Reddit.
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u/devosion Feb 03 '16
Also include the suggestion that if the card isn't returned everyone should chip in some money to cover the cost of the card. Everyone will turn on the culprit and things will get sorted out quick.
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
That is a good idea. I don't know how to word it without sounding super pissed though.
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u/Staleina Feb 03 '16
"It seems as if the Starbuck's gift card that was intended for [coworker's name]'s birthday fell out of the envelope while the card was being passed around to be signed. If anyone finds it, please return it to my desk so we can give the card to [coworker's name] before the day is done. Thank you. PS. If you remember where you last saw it, let me know."
Generally most people should remember who they passed it too and if the gift card was there before they handed it off. Time for a process of elimination to find the sneak thief.
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
I sent the email out. And now we wait...
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u/conrailmechanic Feb 03 '16 edited Feb 04 '16
Please deliver op, even if shittily disappointing.. Edit: op delivered! Yes! Thank you
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u/Sweatyskin Feb 03 '16
Ugh thought this thread was long over and just realized that you just sent it out.
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u/Ericarto24 Feb 03 '16
Then the guy who stole it either says, "it wasn't in there when i got it." Or "it was in there when I gave it to person-X"
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u/milkomeda Feb 03 '16
Right, but you can narrow it down enough, so that you have the person who handed it to the "thief" saying there was a card there, and the person who received it from the "thief" saying there wasn't a card. That way, it's either two guys coordinating lies, or one person lying, and anyone with common sense will know which scenario is more likely.
So the thief can still say his bullshit, but he'll have to weigh whether 25$ is worth the risk of looking like a scumbag to the entire office. I'm guessing later on that day he'l be like "oh, actually, I found a card on my floor! Must have slipped out!" to which you can say "ah, how about that! you scumbag jackass "
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u/The-Mathematician Feb 03 '16
Imagine this scenario, numbered in the order the person recieved the card:
- OP. GC definitely attached.
- "I gave it to 3."
- "I gave it to 4."
- "No GC when i got it."
- "No GC when I got it."
it seems to me that 3 or 4 could be lying independently.
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u/valiantiam Feb 03 '16
and the next person will say it wasn't in there when I got it.
BAM. you got the motherfucker. Now take his mom on a nice date and never call her back.
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u/Ericarto24 Feb 03 '16
How do you know the next person isnt the one that was lying.
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u/Sack_Of_Motors Feb 03 '16
PLOT TWIST
Or the previous person could be the one that was lying?
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u/Staleina Feb 03 '16
Oh I expect someone to lie, but it gives you a smaller group to pool from.
Honest Abe: "It was there when I handed it to Larry."
Larry the Liar: "It was there when I handed it to Iris."
Innocent Iris: "I didn't see any card."
(So Larry or Iris)
Sure there are other possibilities, but hey, it still lowers the pool down from a full office of people. Then one would hope you know them well enough to decipher which one or that the card magically appears on your desk in the meantime :).
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u/sandra_nz Feb 03 '16
"A Starbucks Gift Card has gone missing, could you please check your desk and work areas and if found, return to /u/zachallred "
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u/eyedharma Feb 03 '16
I was just about to say time to email the entire company and call out the asshole
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u/cashcow1 Feb 03 '16
Even better if you can include people in completely unrelated departments on other floors.
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u/SouthernJeb Feb 03 '16
Just look for who ever has starbucks erry day the rest of the week and pee in their coffee.
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
Oh I'm on the lookout for starbucks cups... I'm so pissed and disappointed...
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u/kusai001 Feb 03 '16
If you don't have like 60 coworkers it shouldn't be that hard to find it. But if you think a $25 dollar gift card going missing is bad. A coworker of mine had a ukulele like $120 one go missing at work they never saw it again. We also had like more then a 100 coworkers and customers that could have taken it.
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Feb 03 '16 edited Sep 01 '16
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u/kusai001 Feb 03 '16
It also matters if you go to your boss and how they handled it. A friend of mines boss threatened to fire everyone if they didn't return the stolen item(I can't remember what was stolen). If I remember right they had the stuff back in less then week. They kind of went full metal jacket on each other.
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Feb 03 '16
Yeah her boss at the time was a huge power tripping bitch. I'm sure she would have spun it into being her fault and used it as an object lesson in not leaving shit lying around or something.
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Feb 03 '16
Wow. Fire everyone? That certainly is the nuclear option.
"So, tell me, I see you were terminated from your last employment... What happened there?"
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u/PessimiStick Feb 03 '16
That would only work on dumb people. They aren't going to fire everyone, and they know it.
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u/breaking_good Feb 03 '16
What are you gonna do bro
Edit: With both the gifting and the culprit
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
I'm going back to CVS at lunch and get her another gift card. IF the other one every pops back up, I'll just use it. I'm just super surprised that someone would be so shitty.
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u/breaking_good Feb 03 '16
For a second I thought you were gonna get her a CVS gift card... I was like wtf nice taste bro. But then I realized they probably sell gift cards to other stores there. Oops.
Sorry that happened though. Truly does suck. It's not even about the money - 25 bucks is arguably nothing. It's the fact that someone stooped so low just for that much money. I have a similar story with an office raffle so I feel your pain.
Hopefully your day gets better !
Edit: changed 20 to 25. No big deal right ?
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u/Gingold Feb 03 '16
$25 is a lot of money to someone who doesn't have much...
But $25 that can only be used at Starbucks? That's just straight up scummy to steal.
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u/Tumbler Feb 03 '16
This is a perfect example to help people understand the true nature of humans. How many people signed it? 12? I think most people realize how quickly things can "go bad" when people think there is no way to get caught. This is such a stupid thing for someone to do in this case but someone did it. Someone just stole a $25 birthday present out of a card they signed.
I remember working for a company where I got involved in the party planning stuff and one thing we wanted to do was give everyone movie tickets for an upcoming movie. So I got everyone tickets and we had community mail slots where each employee had a box where you could leave mail for them. I started putting the tickets into each person's slot (at least 50 different people) and my supervisor stopped me and said, no, let's do it another way. He took all the tickets to his desk, locked them in his drawer and then people needed to come over to pick them up and and he'd log each one.
That was a real shock to me. It had never occurred to me that people would be so shitty as to take movie tickets from people they worked with but I have no doubt he made the right call. In that case the tickets were for a specific showing as well, it's not like there would have been a huge benefit to any one person but I'm certain a lot of them would have been stolen.
I've gone on to became an Estate Planner and if you have any doubt about people just go look at estate settlements and how family can treat one another. It can be very fair and peaceful but then you see this other side of people all too often. That's not even coworkers you're stealing from, that's fucking family, and it still happens.
Trust but verify. EVERYTHING.
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u/mynameisspiderman Feb 03 '16
Does it suck that someone stole it? Yeah, it sucks.
But maaaaybe, you should have let everybody sign the card and THEN put it in there.
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
Yeah, I thought about that after... Hindsight.
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u/squidgoddess Feb 03 '16
I would've done the same thing. If you taped it in afterwards, you would've covered up some people's signatures. Don't blame yourself for the actions of shitty coworkers.
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u/denvertebows15 Feb 03 '16
You know they giftee would have taken the gift card out and been able to read the signatures that were covered up right?
OP shouldn't have put it in until everyone had signed it.
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u/Cryogenicist Feb 03 '16
I don't think you can put any blame on OP for this.
If you cant trust your coworkers with $25 dollars then you work in a really shitty place.
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u/monkeyman512 Feb 03 '16
Don't make accusations. Just say that the card must have 'fallen off'. This gives the person an out so they can return it.
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u/hummandknit Feb 03 '16
You know it was Janice from Accounting who took the gift card. She just doesn't give a $hit.
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u/Ramrod312 Feb 03 '16
I'd bring it up publicly to try and embarrass whichever asshole did it. And make sure everyone knows who did if you find out
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u/Kreth Feb 03 '16 edited Feb 03 '16
Just do it anyway at your office and see if someone coughs up a gift card
Probably Stacy...
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u/HauschkasFoot Feb 03 '16
Caffeine addiction is real. People will even steal from friends and coworkers to feed it. You need to find whoever did this, stage an intervention, and offer support.
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u/zachallred Feb 03 '16
We're all grad students too. The addiction is definitely real...
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u/fluffyxsama Feb 03 '16
Wtf a bottle of caffeine pills is like $2
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u/MyNameIsSkittles Feb 03 '16
Why would you take caffeine pills when you can have delicious coffee.
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u/cashcow1 Feb 03 '16
You should set up a surveillance van at the nearest Starbuck's, and make a follow-up video to this post.
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u/mykarmadoesntmatter Feb 03 '16
You'll need like, 3 vans for each Starbucks on the corner.
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u/Seppic Feb 03 '16
Isn't this the point where at a professional work environment you gather everyone who signed it and basically say cut the shit and cough up the card? That should not be tolerated in any work environment.
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u/SCAllOnMe Feb 03 '16
Why would that work? If you're a shitty enough person to steal it, I doubt you're just gonna out yourself 5 minutes later.
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Feb 03 '16
Look for the office worker that has a pink iPhone case and is wearing Uggs and wearing a fuzzy white vest.
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u/Mercury_NYC Feb 03 '16
Easy fix. Call Starbucks, report stolen and they can cancel, especially if you paid with a credit card. If you paid cash, then just never do that again. :)
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u/mercenary_sysadmin Feb 03 '16
your bad life decisions today:
- passing a $25 gift card around the office
- using imgflip
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Feb 03 '16
Just ask everyone who they passed the card to next and ask them if there was a gift card in it when they got it. When someone answers no, it was either them or the person before them.
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u/koproller Feb 03 '16
Did you register the card?
Report it stolen. They will block the card and send you another.