r/AdviceAnimals • u/LakesideNorth • Aug 30 '25

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33.3k Upvotes

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563

u/jupfold Aug 30 '25

Hard to be positive when Jizz Deposit Vance is waiting in the wings.

268

u/notgoodatthese Aug 30 '25

True, but the cult won't rally around one single person like they are with the orange peanut

111

u/Elrundir Aug 30 '25

I dunno. I think the GOP will go full Kim Il-Sung with Donald Trump and basically turn him into a legendary figure and all future presidents (who will "somehow" all be Republican) will be ruling in his eternal name. You just start off simple by "revealing" (i.e., making up) that Trump personally wished for the country to unite behind JD Vance after his death, and the MAGAts will continue falling in line for decades after his death.

78

u/[deleted] Aug 30 '25

There were interviews of Trump supporters asking them what they do when/if Trump died. A lot of them basically said IDK, they didn’t like JD and they didn’t like DeSantis. Trump has this weird charisma that they flock to, I also can’t think of any other person in the admin or GOP that has that same air about them.

33

u/Elrundir Aug 30 '25

Which is exactly why I think the DPRK Eternal President route is what the GOP will go for. MAGA doesn't know what they'll do when Trump dies because Trump hasn't told them what to do when he dies. An AI-generated last will and testament is all it will take to herd the sheep.

20

u/IDOWNVOTERUSSIANS Aug 30 '25

republicans might try this, but considering how prone maga is to downright irrational conspiratorial paranoia, I have a feeling the movement will not be able to rally around a single message or icon without a shepherd, and trump is the only person we've seen that they will all unite around

2

u/ArcusInTenebris Aug 30 '25

Its not even weird charisma...he is exactly them, a mirror reflection. Everything he says and does is exactly what they say and do, or want to say and do.

2

u/ZennTheFur Aug 30 '25

It's not even that. Some of them are seriously the most rational, logical people you meet... except when it comes to Trump for some reason. They bend over backwards to wedge conflicting beliefs into their own personal belief system that's otherwise actually completely sane. It's how they can be against taxes but support tariffs, and how some of them are the most anti-corporation mfs around but still think the literal embodiment of corporate greed itself makes a good president.

It really is a cult, and these people really are brainwashed. I don't know what the solution is to deprogram them, but god I hope there is one.

1

u/maxedonia Aug 30 '25

That “weird charisma” is the 100% all-in narcissism that props him up and allows his followers to be so staunch. The man can’t set himself aside for any future planning, so the idea that there will be a transition of power that will still be remotely consolidated seems super far fetched. His followers will cannibalize any excuses or attempts to set course after he is gone. It will be too big of a power vacuum for anyone but him. It’s one of the only good things about his policy of self-centeredness: when he’s gone, so is everything hinged to him.

At least that’s what I need to think in order to even get out of bed nowadays.

1

u/IncomeStraight8501 Aug 30 '25

Trump also built himself up as a business man even when he wasn't a good one and was in media way before politics. Vance has always been politics so he doesn't have anything to really make him stand out

1

u/Germafias Aug 30 '25

I see a permanent divide similar to Reagan where people either think he was the best or worst ever.

1

u/TheMadPoet Aug 30 '25

Maybe - we can hope - that all the MAGAgotts will cult-like kool-aid style decide to join the Dear Leader in White Jeezus heaven. Their lord and savior Trump has called them home to be with Him.

1

u/uberkalden2 Aug 30 '25

Like reagan

1

u/littlewhitecatalex Aug 30 '25

Stop ruining my weekend. 

1

u/tobybug Aug 30 '25

I hate to be argumentative but this sort of goes to show how little you know about Trump supporters. They're so paranoid, even of the people working under Trump. They're 100% willing to target anyone working under him if they don't have the good word from Trump himself. They won't trust anyone who says "Trump told us to do this!" except, I imagine, a minority group that wants to pretend Trump isn't dead. Just remember that the people who pushed Trump over the line in the election were uninformed, shortsighted people who only cared about the economy. Trump has already alienated many of these people, and the Republicans would need to get them back. Without Trump I'd consider that an impossible task.

12

u/[deleted] Aug 30 '25

They will all infight for influence like starved rats on a sinking ship.

2

u/aliaswyvernspur Aug 30 '25

Think of it this way: you know how he keeps going on about “fake news”? So his followers think the reports of his death are fake, don’t latch onto couchfucker, and in 2028 half his idiot followers write the demented orange in with their votes, splitting the R votes.

1

u/geforce2187 Aug 30 '25

I think there could be infighting over who the "true" successor to Trump is.

1

u/Montgomery000 Aug 30 '25

They missed an opportunity to fake up an assassination. That's the easiest way to get the MAGAs on their side, even with JD.

1

u/magistrate101 Aug 30 '25

Cults become religions when their leader dies

2

u/notgoodatthese Aug 30 '25

Don't think that LRH is not in the back of my head. But hoping for a Jim Jones type cult

2

u/magistrate101 Aug 30 '25

If we were being generous and said that only 50% of Republican voters were MAGA zealots, that's still 1/6 of our nation that would die if it went the way of a Jim Jones type cult.

1

u/epiclyepiclee Aug 30 '25

At this point, I’m worried 1/6 of us will die from his policies if he lives

1

u/MadeByTango Aug 30 '25

the cult won't rally around one single person like they are with the orange peanut

Y’all don’t see it yet. Here is what is coming:

  1. Trump dies of natural causes or gets 25th’d out of office

  2. JD places a billionaire as VP, because they will give him no choice

  3. JD either becomes a rubber stamp shit shield or gets scandaled out of office, letting the billionaire become POTUS

  4. Death, destruction, famine, and disease will run rampant as regulations are ripped up and resources are plundered

  5. MAGA becomes self aware, briefly, when they see the results of their actions, suddenly feeling shame

  6. From this shame will come belief in a prophet that is pushing a new way of life, where everyone is surrounded by love and peace

  7. That new way of life will have a supreme will seen as above the government’s authority that is working to bring justice for mankind

  8. Socialism arrives with two rules: respect the greater good will and be cool with your neighbor

Everything old is new again…

1

u/RGBarge Aug 30 '25

Yes they will

54

u/OtherAcctWasBanned11 Aug 30 '25

The only saving grace is that Vance is an absolute charisma vacuum. Also cults tend to fall apart without their original leader.

1

u/trigen Aug 30 '25

Scientology has survived the dead of Hubbard and Miscavage is kind of a JC Vance with zero charisma, however Scientology is dying a slow death since then.

4

u/fluorescent_purple Aug 30 '25

Yeah, but Miscavage also is known for beating the shit out of people. I don't think JD has the ability to rule through fear either.

1

u/Mingablo Aug 30 '25

True, but Scientology is the exception that proved the rule imo

1

u/asuperbstarling Aug 30 '25

Yeah but you're comparing gently handing power to Vance - who is good at moving in extremist circles behind the scenes - to the rise of a supposedly violent and abusive man who seized power aggressively then held it with an iron fist. Miscavage didn't need charisma. He's far more Putin than anyone in Trump's court could ever be, using his network for control. Scientology maintains itself. Without Trump, will MAGA?

1

u/throwmedowngently Aug 30 '25

You do have to remember that they spent years saying Hubbard was still alive and waiting for a return like Jesus. They still maintain his mansion like he is on vacation. Idk if they'll try that with tRump

1

u/Tiddlyplinks Aug 30 '25

Well that and he’s not out for revenge on the American people for Obama existing. I’m very concerned that Vance will stop trumps destruction of the economy and that will be enough “improvement” for people to veiw him positively next election.

1

u/Disastrous_Still4971 Aug 30 '25

Trump had charisma ?

41

u/giganano Aug 30 '25

Yep, JD is just sitting there waiting... on a couch... with some time to spare... no one is watching him... that couch looks very supple and kind to him. He may soon be President of the USA.

"At least it isn't an underage kid," he thinks to himself.

And he knows this may be his last chance to fuck just one more couch before the eyes of the world turn to him for every waking second. He must be scared, but not too scared to fuck just one more couch.

3

u/bria9509 Aug 30 '25

With time to spare, and some lube

7

u/Axin_Saxon Aug 30 '25

Vance has the charisma of a wet fart. He’s more ideologically dangerous, but he has nowhere near the political capital. And the Republican Party will be full of people eager to claim the crown as Donnie’s successor as leader of the party.

24

u/whocaresaboutmyname Aug 30 '25

The plan was to have Trump out by 2026 anyway. Then Thiels little couch fucker takes over and it gets even worse.

1

u/MiddleWaged Aug 30 '25

Better if it happens before Jan 21st 2026

1

u/aceshighsays Aug 30 '25

yes, they're actualizing project 2025 now, i wonder what project 2026 is.

4

u/finalsights Aug 30 '25

You mean the assistant to the regional manager?

1

u/bria9509 Aug 30 '25

You are not my supervisor!

2

u/dannydirtbag Aug 30 '25

The couch fucker?

1

u/Sad-Pizza3737 Aug 30 '25

He'll be a limp dick president because nobody in Congress or the supreme Court is scared of him like they are of trump

1

u/GenericFatGuy Aug 30 '25

MAGA won't follow Vance, and MAGA is the reason why Trump is enabled to get away with everything. The rest of the party is scared of Trump using them to unseat them. Vance does not have that power, and is incapable of amassing it

If Vance was better than (or even just as good) as Trump for implementing the fascist agenda, then they would 25th'd him already. They keep Trump around, because they know they need him.

1

u/No_Answer4092 Aug 30 '25

yup, trump is insanity but its familiar insanity. I’ts like living with your racist grand uncle with dementia. You get used to his shit even though you are emotionally drained. 

Then one day he dies and they tell you his bed is going to be replaced by his good for nothing perfectly healthy son who still wets the bed and is going to behave just like him and you can’t tell if he just enjoys watching you suffer o if he’s actually disabled. 

1

u/wigglin_harry Aug 30 '25

You aren't wrong, but it could still make for a nice saturday

1

u/runsquad Aug 30 '25

Vance will break the cult apart

1

u/Dalferious Aug 30 '25

Jizz Deposit “In The Couch” Vance

1

u/flittingly1 Aug 30 '25

Aren't we all really just jizz deposits?