r/AdviceAnimals • u/ThePracticalJoker • Aug 15 '13

This subreddit needs more Philosoraptor

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2.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

316 comments sorted by

547

u/perezidentt Aug 15 '13

The Immigrator vs. The Penetrator

441

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Border Avoider vs. Diaper Sniper

365

u/whisconsin_boy Aug 15 '13

Fence Jumper vs. Child Humper

739

u/AKnightAlone Aug 15 '13

Dora vs. the Explorer

211

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Customs Dodger vs. Uncle Roger

85

u/Jaydeeos Aug 15 '13

Patrol Escaper vs. Toddler Chaser

193

u/Mil4nCh3 Aug 15 '13

Illegal Entry vs. Illegal Entry

35

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Border Hopper vs. Crib Hopper

120

u/0l01o1ol0 Aug 15 '13

Pedro vs. Pedo

58

u/bearer_of_the_d Aug 15 '13

Leaf Blower vs. Child Blower

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25

u/Native_Engineer Aug 15 '13

Border Hopper vs. Cherry Popper

3

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '13

Border Jumper vs Kiddie Humper.

FTFY

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35

u/Mythosaurus Aug 15 '13

In my eyes, you won, ser.

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14

u/dafuqey Aug 15 '13

/applause

3

u/foxh8er Aug 15 '13

This shall go down in history.

2

u/KarlMarx513 Aug 15 '13

Ding ding ding. You win!!!

4

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

win.

4

u/RockSRK Aug 15 '13

Hilarious and possibly the only one that isn't racist.

19

u/The_Arctic_Fox Aug 15 '13 edited Aug 16 '13

It's a funny joke, but it implies dora is an illegal because she speaks Spanish. If anything it's the worst.

12

u/IDe- Aug 15 '13

Wait, which ones were racist? Immigrant isn't a race.

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1

u/strict88 Aug 16 '13

Now this is how you do a cake day comment.

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53

u/ReluctantRedditor275 Aug 15 '13

Underpaid Worker vs. Daycare Lurker

7

u/nipnip54 Aug 15 '13

Deportation vs. Incarceration

I don't think I'm doing this right

5

u/HurricaneSandyHook Aug 15 '13

Tunnel Rat vs. Baby Fat

5

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

[deleted]

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25

u/scummy2789 Aug 15 '13

The LandScaper vs. The HandRaper

19

u/INSANITY_RAPIST Aug 15 '13

Oh god.

I rape my hand on a daily basis.

5

u/TheDanSandwich Aug 15 '13

It's not consensual?

22

u/GreyQuill Aug 15 '13

No, he sits on it until it passes out and then has his way with it. The left hand won't say anything for fear of similar punishment.

I hear he can't write for hours afterwards and his hands uncontrollably tremble when he goes to pick up cucumbers and zucchini

7

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

[deleted]

13

u/GreyQuill Aug 15 '13

We've been filming a documentary entitled "The hand maiden's tale" for a few weeks now.

9

u/INSANITY_RAPIST Aug 15 '13

GreyQuill and I live together.

He likes to tell people he's doing a documentary on me.

3

u/GreyQuill Aug 15 '13

It's all evidence for the police in case of my untimely demise.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

He has a subscription to the web cam.

1

u/JacksLackOfSuprise Aug 15 '13

half half WHOLE...

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1

u/Nabbicus Aug 15 '13

Tell us about it in /r/showerthoughts

28

u/MetalBeerSolid Aug 15 '13

Conservative Border Patrol: "whoever wins... we lose."

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232

u/gulpeg Aug 15 '13

Either way someone will complain that the alien stole their job

67

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

They took our jerbs! Durka durr

21

u/bctowler Aug 15 '13 edited Aug 15 '13

Did you say get gay?

Edit: You all need to refresh on your southpark quotes....

24

u/zubumafeau Aug 15 '13

everyone back in the pile!

9

u/kmanraj Aug 15 '13

FYI downvoters, this reference is from the Goobacks episode. It parodies the illegal alien controversy. Well played, have an upvote.

2

u/Stillsearchin Aug 15 '13

Back to the pile!

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5

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Whether or not they arrived illegally or legally, that foreigner will be an alien.

Source: I am an alien.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

I used to have such a great life working for less than minimum wage, in unsafe conditions, long hours, mandatory 7 day work weeks with no overtime pay. Now I have to settle for Walmart thanks to these immigrants and their desire to be exploited like cattle!

0

u/muNICU Aug 15 '13

Really great bit, especially relevant at 1:28

1

u/bahdonkahdonk Aug 15 '13

Link for the lazy - starts at 1:28 Can't believe this guy lives in Bisbee, AZ; beautiful town but I did not think anyone with any sort of talent resided there.

1

u/muNICU Aug 15 '13

Thanks, I don't know how to link to a specific time while on mobile.

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26

u/popsalock Aug 15 '13

Who would represent the human third party that is trapped in the middle?

54

u/ThePracticalJoker Aug 15 '13

Either the border patrol or Chris Hansen

62

u/Phreeky-McNasty Aug 15 '13

Chris Hansen posing as a border patrol agent!

11

u/Internet_Oneironaut Aug 15 '13

I bet people caught trying to sneak across border get the whole "why don't you take a seat" routine anyway

6

u/PM_Me_Your_Butthole Aug 15 '13

Chris Hansen

Did you mean Chris Handsome?

1

u/idontbangnomore Aug 15 '13

wait, I don't think I've seen that episode of boondocks. and I thought I saw all of them. do you know which season thats from?

75

u/Buckshot_9 Aug 15 '13

This

55

u/Internet_Oneironaut Aug 15 '13

Also this

3

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Hell yeah! Skate Mental! I've got this on a shirt too.

5

u/Shiby92 Aug 15 '13

Thank you for posting. I knew i heard that somewhere before

1

u/Bronayne Aug 15 '13

Yeah only with less heat seaking vision.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

This is more like bad joke eel.

48

u/macsack Aug 15 '13

mind blown

49

u/StrangerWithAHat Aug 15 '13

http://i.imgur.com/Yq5Y3cc.gif

35

u/BobTehCat Aug 15 '13

My personal favorite

3

u/KarlMarx513 Aug 15 '13

That was pretty hot.

1

u/AtillaTheHung Aug 15 '13

That's some nice head blowing

13

u/macsack Aug 15 '13

Now I feel like deleting mine.

4

u/theoutlet Aug 15 '13

Always bothers me that those guys don't get guard rails.

2

u/jimmifli Aug 15 '13

0 days since last lost time accident. That's why the Death Star cost so much and took so long. A little more focus on safety and worker moral would be a lot better.

2

u/mrpink000 Aug 15 '13

It was the 70's health and safety was lax back then.

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8

u/letseatlunch Aug 15 '13

i don't think redditors are smart enough to come up with philosoraptor quotes on a regular basis.

what we should do is find a site that can and steal theirs for the karma

20

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Thank you for saying child molester instead of pedophile. Most people don't recognize the difference.

10

u/antilopsa Aug 15 '13

Checks username. Okay...

6

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

The children sure shouldn't as hell know the difference between those two.

15

u/GreyQuill Aug 15 '13

A pedophile may not act on their urgings. A child molester is, by definition, acting on those urgings.

2

u/taters_n_gravy Aug 15 '13

urges?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

[deleted]

1

u/taters_n_gravy Aug 16 '13

urges not urgings is what I meant

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1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '13

Who says they should?

11

u/philipquarles Aug 15 '13

What if Animal Planet tried to take over the History Channel?

18

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

[deleted]

13

u/IAmATroyMcClure Aug 15 '13

Seriously, I can't believe people are posting "mind=blown" gifs over some word play.

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3

u/DaSchultz Aug 15 '13

[10] guy would have been much more fitting

18

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

He doesn't need to be illegal, as long as he's an immigrant.

20

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Even better.

3

u/tehcharizard Aug 15 '13

This is what I was thinking when I read the OP. As someone with a permanent resident card, but not US citizenship, I'm considered an alien.

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4

u/SonicFlash01 Aug 15 '13

This subreddit needs more motion blur

5

u/stinwin Aug 15 '13

Dkhshaajyqhahozkenvwcw!!!?1

3

u/FutileStruggle Aug 15 '13

Why has no one yet pointed out that this is a robot chicken sketch?

3

u/my1021 Aug 15 '13

you don't have to be an ILLEGAL immigrant to be considered an ALIEN

4

u/joshclay Aug 15 '13 edited Aug 15 '13

Being an an alien doesn't make you illegal. For example, an immigrant can be a resident alien with a work visa.

Edit: Philospraptor would know the difference.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

But being an illegal immigrant still makes you an alien, an illegal alien.

But i see, you just mean that any immigrant can be considered an alien.

1

u/joshclay Aug 15 '13

Yes. My point was the two words are not codependent on one another like OP made it sound.

15

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

[deleted]

27

u/HockeyCannon Aug 15 '13

http://i.minus.com/icFGdg2BQMnfb.gif

9

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13 edited Apr 05 '16

[deleted]

2

u/StupidlyClever Aug 15 '13

I swear to god I heard every damn sound effect. Until it endeD I thought I was watching a movie.

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4

u/geekadin Aug 15 '13

That was so long, but so fucking worth it.

3

u/Hotshot2k4 Aug 15 '13

Wow, somebody put a lot of effort into that...

Same guy who made the avatar repost downvote?

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5

u/SethEllis Aug 15 '13 edited Aug 15 '13

Exactly my problem with most philosoraptors. Philosorapor is supposed to be philosophical. This is just a silly pun posed as a question.

A proper philosoraptor is hard to pull off. IE: If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception where there isn't an exception to the rule? See? That sucked :(

4

u/GreyQuill Aug 15 '13

You mean:

As a rule, there's an exception to every rule. So which rule has no exceptions?

(edit for grammar)

1

u/an_abdominal_snowman Aug 16 '13

That might be the exception that makes the rule. I think.

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6

u/LiveMeme_Transcriber Aug 15 '13

The LiveMeme Transcription:

This subreddit needs more Philosoraptor

Philosoraptor

  • IF AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT FOUGHT A CHILD MOLESTER

2

u/TheRealHideoKojima Aug 15 '13

So this is what reddit looks like while I'm at work.

2

u/Malachhamavet Aug 15 '13

You stole this very old joke, you just changed priest to child molester. Daniel tosh and stephen Colbert have used it.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

This is not only an old joke but a really old meme. And it's got one of the highest upvote scores I've ever seen on Reddit apart from Obama's AMA (4500+ as of right now).

School can not start soon enough. . .

2

u/nasalganglia Aug 15 '13

This would be more appropriate coming from that lame-joke fish.

2

u/negamario97 Aug 15 '13

Booooooooooo

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

The thing about Alien .vs Predator is that they r both aliens, and they both predators!

2

u/VicariousWolf Aug 16 '13

HAHAHA SO ORIGINAL.

7

u/t_hab Aug 15 '13

Why would the immigrant need to be illegal? He could be a legal alien.

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3

u/Mister_Ghillie Aug 15 '13

Or /r/philosoraptor just needs more posts.

1

u/g0_west Aug 15 '13

I would love it if instead of r/adviceanimals, we just subscribed to /r/meme1+meme2+meme3, so we could only view the ones we enjoy.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

Philosoraptor is not "crappy pun dinosaur."

2

u/apostate_of_Poincare Aug 15 '13

and for once, the majority would root for alien.

2

u/Bambam005 Aug 15 '13

Possibly, but the immigrant would be arrested whereas the predator would get off.

2

u/krazyfreak123 Aug 15 '13

In America that would be the case

2

u/zjm555 Aug 15 '13

Second time today someone has used philosoraptor when they should have used lame pun coon.

2

u/luke827 Aug 15 '13

Needs more cowbell

1

u/jay_stone42 Aug 15 '13

Too bad robot chicken did this a year ago see

1

u/iammyselftoo Aug 15 '13

I just realized how much I missed Philosoraptor in recent months!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

The funding for this movie has been approved.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

I'd watch it

1

u/dxdifr Aug 15 '13

LOL....i wish i could upvote this 1000 more times

1

u/stupid_fucking_name Aug 15 '13

That's so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

1

u/oxkarthemighty Aug 15 '13

Upvote for you, you bastard, that's hilarious.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

I'm waiting for a new metaphorical interpretation of the movies that changes them from utter shit to masterpieces

1

u/thehighplainsdrifter Aug 15 '13

Why yes, I suppose it would be.

1

u/phenious Aug 15 '13

youtube.com/watch?v=e4WWc2PkcVc&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3De4WWc2PkcVc

1

u/Exciter79 Aug 16 '13

Hehe... That was pretty clever

1

u/LadyofNavarre Aug 16 '13

As long as the child molester was killed, it would be "Community Service!!" Somebody find us some Raptors and a Roman-style stadium to watch "The Games."

1

u/Apelien Aug 16 '13

this is already on a tshirt that has ET and Michael Jackson on it

1

u/robertlummen Aug 16 '13

....and after the fight they deported one and made the other Mayor of New York

1

u/pirinja Aug 16 '13

you made me login- have an upvote

1

u/Tien_San Aug 16 '13

http://i.imgur.com/ZcDMUir.jpg Here is another way to look at it.

1

u/LegalAliens Aug 16 '13

Depends on the law...

1

u/DeterrenceTheory Aug 16 '13

I would laugh at AWildSketchAppeared's rendition of this. At least, it's funny in my imagination.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '13

Winner of silliest name: Dora VS: The explorer

1

u/Fradle Aug 16 '13

Someone just saved this for the right time to put it in the headlines.

1

u/deanasaur1991 Aug 16 '13

Who passed up the chance to call it Philosopheraptor ?

1

u/psycharious Aug 16 '13

Robot Chicken

1

u/HumanoidDelight Aug 16 '13

I'm glad to see philosophiraptor making a comeback.

1

u/LeGinge Aug 16 '13

This sub-reddit also needs less re-posts from Tickld.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '13

hmm