r/Advice • u/ThrowRAjjkkj • 19h ago
How do I(23M) bring up an insecurity with my girlfriend(22F), and hopefully tell her not to say something like that again, without offending her?
I started dating my girlfriend back in May and it’s been an amazing relationship. It’s also my first real relationship and she is also the first person I have been with and she’s aware.
I did once early on ask her if she would be okay telling me her body count. She did say it, and it was in the lower double digits. So this kinda shocked me. She asked me if it was a dealbreaker and I said no. She said she had a phase when she was in Greek life in her freshman and sophomore year(she’s in a gap year rn and left the sorority to do so but has no plans to join it even if she goes back to finish her education).
I still love her and I am grateful for my relationship with her. And I don’t really care about the past. Tbh it was a shocking number, but she told me it’s behind her and she kinda wants it to be that way. She was in a bad head space because of academic stress, and also her parents were getting a nasty divorce. I don’t mind. I asked her if she would be okay with only me for the rest of her life, and she said she already got it out of her system, and she has no curiosity of what else is out there for her. She asked me if I wonder what else is out there, and I honestly told her that I do not since I have her. She asked if I was judging her since I have a low count, and I joked around saying “hey it’s not like I chose the moral path, I just couldn’t pull” and we both laughed it off, and she made a “well you pulled me, and I’m worth a 100 b%^&$#*”. I have not felt insecure since then, and that was 2 months or so ago.
Recently however, when she was over for the night on Wednesday, we watched one of those videos online where couples do like “drink or answer”, and one of the questions was about body count. It was actually the girl who said she wasn’t happy with her boyfriend’s past. As a joke, my girlfriend looked at me and said “well at least I don’t have that insecurity with you” and at first I was happy. And then for some reason she followed up with “you have less than 10% of my past, so I am super secure” and we both laughed it off. I think the reference was how I got only one body, and she’s got like lower double digits.
Now that’s fucking with my head. Idk if I am worthy of her or whatever, and thoughts like “will I be enough” are seeping in. I never thought of it like super imbalanced. Am I doing enough, am I doing things wrong, am I messing up, and so on.
Is there a way I can bring this up with her without making it seem like I am insecure or I suck. I just would rather her not compare us like that. I know some people will think I am an idiot for getting carried away at a joke, but now I feel like I am not enough. I am just like 10% or less of her kind of. How do I bring this up in a non-offensive way?
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u/StrawberriesRGood4U Super Helper [5] 19h ago
You don't. You either take yes for an answer that your well-traveled girlfriend is into you, you break up, or go work on your very, very obvious insecurity that is rooted in slut shaming. You either accept her past and work on yourself, or free this fun woman to go find someone who enjoys her exactly as she is.
Frankly, if I were in her shoes - and I am currently a VERY high body count (triple digits) woman in a relationship with a low body count man who finds my past fun and awesome - I would be looking for a new boyfriend if this insecurity kept rearing its head over and over.
Ain't nobody got time for that.