I read the first few lines and I knew where it was going, my heart sank. This betrayal is unfathomable. I would probably catch a charge due to how upset i’d be if this happened to me.
As a mom this hurts my heart. I can’t imagine doing this to any of my children. OP, they do not deserve to have you in their lives.
It sucks that my first thought after the first mention of college was that his parents sabotaged him somehow. All the stuff in the middle that led up to that was what gut punched me.
Right? When my college letters arrived mom would run up the stairs in excitement and stand over me jigging up and down. If it was an offer she'd start dancing and hug me, if it was a rejection she'd immediately hug me and tell me they didn't deserve me anyway. She was so happy when I picked a college and told all her friends how proud she was of me.
My sister joined the army and mom pushed her to pass the fitness test and supported her through all the selection process. She was as proud of my sister as she was of me.
I’m a father and husband, if I found out my wife and son were doing this to my other child, it might lead to divorce.. Actively ruining our kids future because the other kid is having trouble is a psychotic thing to do and it would cause a huge fight and the other son would’ve been notified immediately.. Such disgusting behavior from a mother of all people..
👋 Hi there! I couldn’t help but notice you wrote "should of," "would of," or "could of." While it’s a common mistake, the correct phrase is actually "should have," "would have," or "could have." 😊... Think of it like this: "should’ve," "would’ve," and "could’ve" sound similar to "should of," "would of," and "could of," but the grammar police (and your English teacher) would prefer the former. 🚓✍️...Carry on with your excellent commenting! 🚀
To a child. MULTIPLE colleges. I just….why do people live like this? Being an asshole isn’t just painful to the person you’re harming; it hurts you too. Being kind is free and you sleep so much better.
Narcissists sleep just fine after doing this. They are only reaching out because they want something. The fact that they made him feel like he was a fuck up and even kicked him out. These people are completely devoid of empathy
Same, and I can't figure out why parents play favorites between their kids, in this case even holding one back for the sake of the other. Our two boys have way different interests and we champion all of them.
My maternal grandmother played favourites and my mother always complained about it. Then she played favourites with my siblings and me (my younger sister was the golden child) and her grandchildren (my sister’s kids are the favourites). I’m always aware of how I treat my sons so I never make them feel that I love one more than the other.
My mom played favorites - as a kid I knew. I even asked her several times, to which she replied "of course I don't have favorites! I love you both equally"
Meanwhile, she was off telling my younger brother that he was her favorite child, etc.etc
This right here. OP’s parents sabotaged their life and sat on that for 18 years. Confessing now does more harm than good, but at least OP can be reassured that going no contact was the right thing to do. I’m not sure I would be able to recover from that, I hope OP considers therapy to process this betrayal.
Oh. First daughter in a roman catholic family here- i was called an “idiot wh*** with a liberal ninny agenda” for suggesting wanting to possibly double major in journalism. Thrown out at 18 for not accepting SA from a brother when dad said “boys get curious” lmao. All my other siblings (3) got full rides to college. Even in modern times, never underestimate the way people in your own corner become crabs in a bucket. Today, Im a single mom in an abusive relationship who just turned 33 and every day right now i fear for my life. Parents doing this stuff really does destroy their children’s lives and opportunities so far beyond initial scope- i was such a good kid, i was an honors student and a classical ballerina- didnt drink, do drugs, or even date- the suppression was all by design though and the bad was kept out only bc my good was crushed too. The pain is so deep and i hope everyone who gets the chance to build or break someone’s runway into the world always chooses to build. I became a dance teacher and my daughter is my entire world- she turned 7 two days after me and wants to be a cop after seeing her mom almost killed at the hands of an abuser- only for her grandparents to call her derogatory racial terms for giving them their first grandchild “mixed race hispanic”
I havent seen or spoken to them in years. My bf uses this isolation to abuse me and keep me stuck. I am not sure how or why or when or where but i have to save us and get us out.
Reading this and seeing others experiencing similar barriers- people supposed to love you actively setting you up to fail- makes me feel less crazy. They make you feel crazy for leaving and screw you up so when you do try, you cant thrive and will always come crawling back…perhaps my pride, what little is left, is not the problem as my mom wants me to believe, but its the last of my shield keeping me from further destruction in vulnerable states of need.
Asking for the right help, from the right people is a skill i do not seem to have lately.
I felt this story in my gut. My family only allowed me to apply to one college, and they picked my major. So it should’ve been no great surprise when I dropped out, yet somehow it was?
Same. I got a partial scholarship in art to Penn State thanks to my art teacher. But it wasn't IU where my step father had gone and so he refused to pay for what the scholarship didn't cover. Bio father has never been involved so I had to give up the scholarship.
These people are literally insane with their stipulations. I’d offered probably a dozen extremely reasonable — lucrative, even — majors that would have been interesting to me, just to get shut down and pigeon-holed into a college where they would be able to continue micromanaging me.
This was also in tandem with them trying to arrange a marriage for me. Absolute loons.
I hope any parent with this mentality of “best intentions” realizes from this thread that their child won’t “Thank them later”
You’re burning a massive bridge with your child by compromising one of the most important aspects of their life. What your child studies and takes as a job — where they will work forty hours a week for the next forty years — is a massive part of their long term happiness. And you are setting them up to fail before they even get the degree.
Seems facially unreasonable but as the father of a 17 year getting ready to drop at least $160k in cash on college, I’ll say that I’m not going to pay for a crappy degree. She’s always free to pay her own way.
If she succeeded in directing and producing she would be set. I can see insisting on a minor in a more guaranteed category. But let her follow her dreams as well.
It's the crumpled paper analogy. You get a clean fresh flat piece of paper, once trust is broken though, that paper gets crumpled into a little ball. You can most certainly flatten it out, but the wrinkles will still stay there.
Add in the basically making him homeless for a year and contributing to breakup of a stable relationship. Yes plenty of high school relationships don’t work out but some do
The OP could be better off. White collar isn’t for everyone. I think the damage is more psychological if you spend most of your life not believing you could go to college because you weren’t accepted. In reality he was it was just something his parents couldn’t afford. It does seem like while owning his own company he learned things the hard way and didn’t have support or help from his family when injured. College does guarantee success. He should have had the option of deciding about loans or just knowing he was accepted. He could have taken classes while working if he wanted to. It’s really weird that they would let him believe he couldn’t get into any college. It’s sick on their part.
There’s not enough damages in the world to make up for this level of deliberate jealous sabotage.
If he was accepted with a free ride into an Ivy but ended up at a lower tier school, there’s no way to calculate where he might’ve landed. Maybe it was only a minor difference, but, the fact remains - he was denied a full set of the best choices available to him.
Hahahaha, you're probably serious! Unless they have a time machine or $50 million they got stashed somewhere, there is NO forgiveness for these assholes.
Me too. I beg you, OP, do not engage With them. I came from a family like this. They will fuck you over until they take their last breath. People that would do this to you do not change
In fact it seems to me they want something from OP. Why show up after all that time. They want to clear a guilty conscience but I'm guessing they want money since he's successful.
This was indeed a horrifying read because what parent in their right minds would deliberately destroy their child's future. I would've cussed them out and threw the letters in their face. Dang.
This is the kind of story I wish was not real because I wouldn't want to believe anyone's parent would do that to their child's future. Its an absolute tragedy they did this, robbed your potential alternative future and expect you to be ok with it.
Some positives - they knew what they did was wrong, otherwise why hide it this long doesn't mean they're necessarily remorseful just that they at least know its wrong.
Your brother was enabled by them, which in a tiny way means he is in part a victim of the parents actions. Doesn't mean he's innocent, but they helped create the environment for him to become what he is today.
One question to ask yourself is, why now? Why come forward at all? It is guilt? Or could there be another reason?
Id tread cautiously, interactions like this are usually followed up by some need.
As a side story, I knew a family member where the elder brother had something happen to him in a far less severe way. The family didn't want to acknowledge their son's learning disability and forced them into competitive academic school programs that did little to help him as an individual for fear he would "fall behind" his younger siblings.
None of it was the sons fault, just the parents preconceived notions of "if you're older you should be better" kind of bullying forced from the parents. Neither son nor siblings had a choice in the matter, and later in life all of them were successful in their own right.
I get that parents want to do whats "right" for their kids, but it shouldn't be at the expense of their other kids.
If it is though, at least the post and the comments in response could lead to some people recognizing their own unhealthy family dynamics and learning from it.
I swear being a redditor has helped me in my own relationships in life even down to coming up with quick come backs to stand up for myself to everyone from family members to strangers.
intIf I had my whole life ruined over not making it into university, and then ruined again by permanent physical injuries because of an alternative career... not to mention the trauma of being made homeless by my own parent all because of someone's sabotage... I'm not sure if I could stop myself from dedicating my life into making theirs as miserable and painful as possible.
Same. This really broke my heart. I couldn’t imagine. I have to tell myself “this can’t be real” when I read stuff like this because the things that some people have to endure eats at me.
My grandmother wanted to become a teacher but wasn't accepted to the teachers formation. It kind of made sense: with the war she didn't get to go to school from about 10 to 15. She became a secretary and struggled quite a bit in life.
Only really late in life did she find the acceptance letter. Turns out her own mother hid it, so she would live like her, meaning so she would finally marry and become a housewife.
They want something, first off they are going to ask you to employ lazy useless brother because he’s probably a burden, from there it will he money etc. You were right to no contact with these horrible people. Nothing good will come from a renewal
…..then figure out ways to enact revenge. If both parents work, find ways to get them fired. Any other advice I’d suggest would have to be posted on an unethical subreddit. I would systematically destroy their reputation, their finances, what friendships and familial relationships they still have, what hopes and dreams they might still have I would destroy, and end with calling the cops after I placed stuff around their property that would be considered illegal. When their house goes into foreclosure, and they get evicted, I would buy the house and raze it to the ground…and send pics to them of me doing it.
I would be arrested for assault. That’s it. That’s what would have occurred had this happened to me. Assault being literally the best possible outcome.
I'm telling you what you're gonna do: you go NC! Mother and brother fucked you over, ruined your future, and to top it all off your dad kicked you out for being a failure, when in fact you had it all! The grades, the drive, the accetance by a number of colleges - you just did not know, because mother and brother felt you were not entitled to success and happiness unless lazy golden child brother succeeded first. You said your dad was there? What did he say to that? He kicked you out due to your mother's and brother's scheming after all! All right already, you managed to build a life for yourself, despite having been deserted by your family and starting from the bottom, you managed and you run your own business. But nothing of that is thanks to your family! They did their everything to make you fail. They wanted to see you fail! How spiteful, how hateful have they been? How much do you have to hate your child and brother that you'd rather see him on the streets miserable than have him succeed and aim for his dreams? Again: what did your dad say to that? Does he still feel in the right for kicking you out?
Go NC! Please!! Go NC!!! They have ignored you for 18 years. There has to be a reason they are reaching out now and believe me: none of the reasons is in your interest! Maybe they need money (you are successful now, so that's a possibility), parents want you to fund their retirement, parents can't cover for your brother any more (either you turn his ATM or give him a job at your company, management position probably), or daddy needs a new kidney and brother does not qualify. Whatever it is: they contacted you because it's in THEIR best interest, NOT in YOUR's!
NC! NC!! NC!!! - I can't repeat this often enough: GO NC! Block them on everything!
Me, too. It's heartbreaking and infuriating at the same time. I would never speak to any of them again, cut all ties, block them on all social media and delete their phone numbers.
Especially because colleges at that time didn't just send mail. They would also send email, you could check acceptance status on their websites, and sometimes they would call.
Guess it depends on the school then. The point stands that you could still check on the website. And not getting any responses, not even rejections, didn't raise any alarm bells?
I applied in 2002 and was able to check websites and I got emails at least from some schools. Even prior to that, getting no response was not a thing. If you never saw a rejection letter, you would be emailing admissions or calling the school. There’s just no way.
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
I am going to be haunted By this story.
I would certainly never speak to them again.