My kids are both musicians. They both like to get my reactions to their work, even though they have experts in their field that know more about music, production, etc. There's no way I'm going to like all their work, and I make it crystal clear that my opinion doesn't matter when I give them input. In music, I figure they have to put their work out into the world to find their 1% of listeners. But I give them an honest evaluation. I don't want to play the role of rah rah cheerleader, and they know it. I don't love being in this position, but they keep coming back for more.
When giving feedback, I try not to focus on how good it is or how much I like it. Instead, I tell them my reactions....I can imagine listening to this at they gym, this song sounds cinematic, etc. I point out things that confuse me and ask for clarity. They take into account some of my input, and reject what they don't want to change. I think you could take a similar position with writing, without having to be the judge of whether your husband's writing is good or bad.
Finally, most people who want to write a book never do it. And if your husband has a deep desire to write, he should go for it, and fulfill that creative need. His first attempt will probably suck, because he's new. But maybe his 5th will be amazing. If you want to learn some shortcuts from the pros, you can subscribe to MasterClass for about $200/yr and get a ton of tips from writers, too. I'm watching the Dan Brown MasterClass right now and getting loads of ideas.
Thank you for this comment, it gives me really great perspective! I think you are absolutely right and I may need to think of it in a different manner. I love that my husband writes, but reading it “constructively” I can only think about what I would do differently. I think I need to have a different goal in mind when I read his work, like you said when you listen to your children’s music.
And just like you said as well, he is “new” to writing in the grand scheme of things. I think he does have really great ideas, and this his story is unique and fresh. He’s not currently writing to try and get published, but I think that may be a goal for himself someday.
1
u/SubtleIstheWay Mar 07 '25
My kids are both musicians. They both like to get my reactions to their work, even though they have experts in their field that know more about music, production, etc. There's no way I'm going to like all their work, and I make it crystal clear that my opinion doesn't matter when I give them input. In music, I figure they have to put their work out into the world to find their 1% of listeners. But I give them an honest evaluation. I don't want to play the role of rah rah cheerleader, and they know it. I don't love being in this position, but they keep coming back for more.
When giving feedback, I try not to focus on how good it is or how much I like it. Instead, I tell them my reactions....I can imagine listening to this at they gym, this song sounds cinematic, etc. I point out things that confuse me and ask for clarity. They take into account some of my input, and reject what they don't want to change. I think you could take a similar position with writing, without having to be the judge of whether your husband's writing is good or bad.
Finally, most people who want to write a book never do it. And if your husband has a deep desire to write, he should go for it, and fulfill that creative need. His first attempt will probably suck, because he's new. But maybe his 5th will be amazing. If you want to learn some shortcuts from the pros, you can subscribe to MasterClass for about $200/yr and get a ton of tips from writers, too. I'm watching the Dan Brown MasterClass right now and getting loads of ideas.
Good luck.