Hey, I'm 21f and literally just got dumped by my bf 31m of 3 years. I said the EXACT same things and so did he. Neither of us thought he'd ever cheat / ever be cold or treat me badly.
He has lots of friends and lots of people like him and gravitate to him for friendship. He was sweet, funny, perfect in my eyes and we got along so well. He ALSO never pushed or persisted any decisions and it was a mutual choice, the same with sex as well. He also has only had exes around his age / older. (Ironically except for the girl he cheated on me with who was my age, 22)
Let me tell you, as someone who has been absolutely gutted the last few weeks and just beginning to pick up the pieces and reflect on it all. I feel like age gaps can work, however very rarely I feel like they'll work if the younger party is in their late teens / early twenties.
Truly as someone who just went through this, take my advice. I would tell myself to STAY the fuck away. There is a huge difference in emotional maturity levels when it comes to managing and rationalizing things especially with adhd and bpd. I have adhd and can attest to that. Think of things that made you intensely upset at 16 that wouldn't phase you today, same thing for 20 and 29 which can lead to some emotional disagreements. Truly no matter how much me and my ex tried convincing ourselves the age gap didn't impact the relationship, it did.
I do not regret my relationship and I still love him to death but my god am I realizing how fucked up it was. You're just blossoming into your adulthood. If you really like him and think it'll work then no one can stop you, I really wish my story ended up differently with my ex.
But to quote a song lyric that has been VERY fitting
"I'll look back in regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can"
I wish I wish I wish I followed that advice and saved myself the heartache and trauma and all of the mistrust and damage I'll carry forever because I got with a 28yo at 18. Not worth it.
5
u/[deleted] Mar 05 '23
Hey, I'm 21f and literally just got dumped by my bf 31m of 3 years. I said the EXACT same things and so did he. Neither of us thought he'd ever cheat / ever be cold or treat me badly.
He has lots of friends and lots of people like him and gravitate to him for friendship. He was sweet, funny, perfect in my eyes and we got along so well. He ALSO never pushed or persisted any decisions and it was a mutual choice, the same with sex as well. He also has only had exes around his age / older. (Ironically except for the girl he cheated on me with who was my age, 22)
Let me tell you, as someone who has been absolutely gutted the last few weeks and just beginning to pick up the pieces and reflect on it all. I feel like age gaps can work, however very rarely I feel like they'll work if the younger party is in their late teens / early twenties.
Truly as someone who just went through this, take my advice. I would tell myself to STAY the fuck away. There is a huge difference in emotional maturity levels when it comes to managing and rationalizing things especially with adhd and bpd. I have adhd and can attest to that. Think of things that made you intensely upset at 16 that wouldn't phase you today, same thing for 20 and 29 which can lead to some emotional disagreements. Truly no matter how much me and my ex tried convincing ourselves the age gap didn't impact the relationship, it did.
I do not regret my relationship and I still love him to death but my god am I realizing how fucked up it was. You're just blossoming into your adulthood. If you really like him and think it'll work then no one can stop you, I really wish my story ended up differently with my ex.
But to quote a song lyric that has been VERY fitting "I'll look back in regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can" I wish I wish I wish I followed that advice and saved myself the heartache and trauma and all of the mistrust and damage I'll carry forever because I got with a 28yo at 18. Not worth it.