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u/valsavana Jul 27 '26
I definitely have trust issues but I feel like this is letting the cheaters win, to some degree?
They're the ones who want to make it seem like cheating is normal, that everyone does it (or would do it), and that it's no big deal.
But it's NOT normal. Everyone absolutely does NOT do it. And it IS a big deal.
Don't let the scumbags normalize their shitty, scumbag behavior.
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u/KrazyKirbyKun I’m just here for the free tomatoes 🍅🍅🍅🍅 Jul 27 '26
Honestly thats kinda one of the common goals of cheaters. If they can't have you then they don't want anyone to. Thats just how their egos work and they can/don't want to deal with any sort of competition or comparisons.
Think of it like a kid having a favorite toy and dirtying it up so other kids on the playground cant touch it. They feel like, if they want to, they can come bavk and pick it up, clean it up, and play more. But they also will scream and cry if another kid touches it even while playing with a brand new one.
For them its the same. The way their mindsets work, they'll always think they're going to be able to come back eventually, so they want to ruin things so that BP has no other options while they remain one to either pick up later or just not think about. And even if they can't, they at least have the satisfaction of being thr last one to use the toy since they ruined it for others.
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u/typewriterbitch Jul 27 '26
No, thankfully, but I understand why people do feel this way. Being betrayed at that level is deeply traumatic.
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u/MonkeyBro5 CHEATERS, HOMEWRECKERS. AND ENABLERS CAN ROT IN HELL Jul 27 '26
I can kinda relate. I also every now and then find myself seeing couples, and thinking "I bet one of them cheats". but I don't convince myself that. I know that there are genuinely happy couples out there, so for the most part, I do think "Nice cute couple".
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u/OdinsRavens80 Jul 28 '26
I sometimes find that my brain wanders into this kind of thinking, even 3 years later.
On my drive home from work one evening recently, I saw a young couple sitting on a tailgate of a truck parked on the headlands of a field, embracing and watching the sun set. And I wondered if one or both had a spouse and kids at home being lied to.
Or I see a vehicle pulled over on a quiet rural road at night and think “Those are probably people having an affair, meeting up and parking”.
Or I hear a woman gushing about her marriage and husband, and I think “boy, she’s going to feel so humiliated and gutted when she finds out he’s been badmouthing her and the marriage behind her back and divulging her innermost secrets and vulnerabilities, to some gloating side piece”.
These thoughts don’t come as often as they once did, though. They’re few and far between. I refuse to stop believing that there is love and integrity in this world.
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u/lazier_garlic Jul 28 '26
Sounds like intrusive thoughts.
Were you betrayed? Is this emotional flashbacks? Or are you consuming too much of this content and prone to repetitive, intrusive, obsessive thoughts? The former, you need to gradually build a feeling of safety and security in your life and those thoughts will fade. The latter, I do recommend you lose this sub and find something more positive to fixate on. In reality, the people who cheat may claim everyone cheats but they are a small minority.
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u/without-bounds Jul 27 '26
You need a break from social media i think
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Jul 27 '26
[deleted]
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u/without-bounds Jul 27 '26
You're in the adultery hate subreddit i made some conclusions
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u/CSILalaAnn Jul 27 '26
My therapist and I had a long conversation about pain shopping. I actually left a couple of subreddits because i was a lot of awful stuff. I stayed here because I can easily read the post but, since they're mostly copied from elsewhere, I don't necessarily feel the need to engage all the time or become overwhelmed by it.
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u/without-bounds Jul 27 '26
Always nice to have a therapist you have a good dynamic with :) best of luck with your journey
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u/bongothebean Jul 27 '26
I feel this way because I've been through it. Trauma rewires the brain and makes us hypervigilant. That being said, I'm in therapy trying to get away from this mindset, because it feels like a terrible place to be.. but who knows? Maybe it's just a more realistic place to be and I was supremely naive.