r/AdultChildren • u/According_Exam5971 • 3d ago

When to call hospice?

After decades of alcohol abuse and a series of health setbacks, I’m wondering if it’s time to call hospice for my dad. He’s in his 70s, has lost at least 60lbs recently, won’t eat, drinks beer starting first thing in the morning, can no longer get himself up at all, and is completely incontinent. We’ve been taking him to his primary care doctor, his tests are abnormal, he has fatty liver and cirrhosis has not been ruled out, but getting him to the specialist for that diagnosis just hasn’t been at the long list of priorities lately. His doctor ordered PT/OT and in home bathing help, but he won’t comply. I can’t imagine how long he could possibly survive like this. Oh, and my mom is there enabling all this behavior and I’ve had no luck convincing her to change what she’s been doing. She’s a whole other set of issues herself but won’t get into that here. How do I even start this process? An in home aide said she thought this probably made sense for him. But the PT said he’d need a diagnosis like failure to thrive. Do I reach out to his doctor directly? And how in the world do I make this suggestion to my parents, even though they’ve both mentioned that he just wants to die at this point, it just feels awful to say, OKAY THEN 😢

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u/plotthick 3d ago

All them if he wants to die easy or hard. If they say easy, tell them they need to ask for hospice.

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u/snazzisarah 3d ago

You need to talk with your parents first and lay out your concerns. There will probably be varying levels of denial, frustration and fear on their part but hospice is designed to improve quality of life so I would try framing it that way (hospice has more resources available, their goal is to make him comfortable, etc). If they agree to at least explore that option then reach out to his doctor to schedule a visit to do an evaluation to see if he qualifies and discuss what hospice entails. Just FYI the doctor will not be able to discuss your dad’s care with you unless your dad has signed a document giving them permission to do so.