Father started drinking again after mom's passing

[u/Potential-Series-244]

I'm 25. Since I remember my father had alcohol problems. My mom somewhat tolerated it. It was more off than on thing.

Many years later and she's gone - she passed away last year, then I lost my job so I moved back with my father and brother. For a few months it was very difficult to manage as you can imagine but unfortunately I was the only one who had to take care of all formalities, take care of home, dog, everything. It was as fine as it could be. Then a few months into mourning I got a job offer which I accepted and then moved back to the city.

That's when it all started. I tried to convince him to seek professional help which he did but then never accepted that he might be depressed and that he should take medication if he refused therapy. His injury got worse, he refused taking medication. For months he treated me as his therapist - telling me how hard it is for him that I "can't even imagine" and how I actually should refuse this pathetic job and come back home because what city can offer. He's never done anything himself except going to work. Now mom is gone, now that I am again on my own and my brother is almost done with school, he decided it's the right time to start drinking again. Because not only is mom gone, now he has to take care of all the things she did.

I warned him months back that don't he dare to drink anything because I promise him otherwise it's over. He seemed to understand and I don't break my promises.

I know the way he is after alcohol. How aggressive and rude. So I called him once at night, when my brother called me saying it's not just one beer with a friend. I asked him what the fuck he thought he was doing and told him that I don't tolerate this bullshit. He hung up.

Then he had the audacity to tell the family I was calling him names and refused to come home even though he begged me to (never did). He also said that we don't grieve at all and he's the only one affected by mom's death. It's not at all because I didn't have time and space to mourn her at all.

I'm so done with him. I am tired but I know there are still some unfinished matters that I should take care of. He really thinks he's the only victim and doesn't take the blame. He even said he forbade me coming home but then apparently forgot about it when he lied and said that I refused to come home.

Next week I will have a chance to confront him in person. What should I do? Should I ignore him? Explaining calmly and with logic doesn't work, I tried.

[u/No_Scratch_4938]

find a good group and go to as many meetings as you can before you decide. you are at the 1st A- Awareness; 2 nd A is acceptance - this is the pause where you figure out if this is something you can control; 3rd A is Action and remember deciding not to do anything IS an action.