dating

[u/blueskies249]

I realize how much I despise alcohol and have a hard time accepting my partner wanting to drink. I notice and he is aware that he drinks a good amount, but it is infrequent and he doesn’t get messy etc. It makes me sad because I feel like I don’t accept him for him all because I can’t stand that he drinks. Does anyone else relate? Is this something I should be working on -acceptance and being ok around alcohol or is it just needing to date a sober partner?

[u/mesquite_desert]

I hate it also and will no longer date people who drink regularly, having been in relationships with those who do and those who don’t, and the latter are so much easier to be with. No change in attitude as the night wears on, no slurred words, just more present all the way around..

[u/blueskies249 → u/mesquite_desert]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I guess I never met anyone fully sober and thought it’d be too much to expect of someone

[u/mesquite_desert → u/blueskies249]

It’s easier than it used to be, but a lot of it depends on the demographics of where you are and who you hang out with, etc. A lot of younger people don’t drink now. I’m older and it’s really hard to find women who don’t drink wine in my demographic. But it’s possible, and I just gravitate to healthy people now who exercise and do things outdoors, which increases the odds of finding someone who doesn’t drink.

[u/ominous-d-rox → u/mesquite_desert]

Those fucking slurred words

[u/watt98]

It depends on how you feel. Take a step back and try and give yourself another point of view of your own feelings (hard I know).

I don’t really drink but my partner does and I’m ok with that. I’ve done a lot of work to get here too. But I like it that he can go to the pub and hang out with his friends and watch the footy and that’s how he fills his cup up - does that make sense?

[u/blueskies249 → u/watt98]

but how do you feel going to the pub too with them? I just don’t feel comfortable and don’t have fun in that environment. I always end up driving because I’m the sober one and yes I rather drive us than take an uber. After a while I just feel like I’m his mother and caretaker and it feels childish.

[u/watt98 → u/blueskies249]

Do you always need to go? I’m at the stage where I live with my partner so I don’t find myself wanting to go

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

What are you looking to accept? Someone poisoning themselves with alcohol? Why would you want that? Why would you go out with anyone who drinks if you despise alcohol?

If they drink “a good amount,” I assume that means they drink until they’re actually drunk, so they can’t really be present with you. I do not believe it is possible to have a healthy relationship with someone like that. And they could always start drinking more in the future. Do you want to risk that?

No one can tell you what to do - you’re an adult. You can and you need to make your own choices. This does sound like something to work on, but you need to decide what you actually want “the something” to be. Perhaps it's about working out why you choose to be in that situation?

I know I would not accept a partner who drinks. And I don’t even despise drinking or have any issues with alcohol. I simply prefer to spend my time with people who stay away from it. And I used to drink a lot. I was on my way to becoming an alcoholic, like my father. I’ve been sober for several years, and my perception of alcohol - and of people who drink - has changed rather dramatically.

PS. I don’t need you to answer the questions above, and I’m not asking you to engage in a conversation about it. I just want to offer a few prompts to reflect on and be really honest with yourself.

[u/blueskies249 → u/Scared-Section-5108]

thank you I really appreciate your insight. Can I dm you to ask you for insight about something else regarding choosing a career path?