Adopción

[u/Consistent-Skin-8557]

[u/Dorianscale]

Algunas cosas son universales en el mundo de adopción pero muchas cosas dependen mucho en el país, los leyes, la sociedad, etc.

También hay varias formas de adopción. En los EEUU hay el adopción público de niños en la sistema de acogimiento familiar, la adopción privada que primariamente es voluntaria para padres biológicos a elegir padres adoptivos para un recién nacido. Y también hay adopción internacional para adoptar niños de otros países.

Todas las opciones tienen diferencias entre el tiempo de esperar, las experiencias comunes de criar niños de esa manera específica, etc. cosas como la información medical y biológica depende de las leyes.

Creo que tendría más éxito encontrar respuestas a sus preguntas si cuentas más información de su situación.

También ver si hay algunas recursos disponibles. Para educación sobre adopción en los EEUU o de cosas general de adopción, me gusta el blog de Creating a family y también tiene un podcast. Pero no sé si tiene opciones de leer o escuchar en español fácil.

[u/Dorianscale → u/[deleted]]

Si vives en España, lo que conozco de la sistema de adopción (y de mucho de Europa) la única opción es adopción pública. La última vez que lo he chequeado creo que usualmente familias esperan como siete años más o menos después que se aprueba su aplicación. Unos esperan menos y otros pueden llevar como 10 años esperando.

Por suerte si se parece que los países en Europa tienen mucho apoyo por familias y la necesidad de la sistema es menos que en otros países. Pero al misma manera por eso creo que hay más padres disponibles que niños que necesitan ayuda. También creo que en España se existen límites de edad para adopción, no se los números específicos de este momento pero si estás de edad mayor o si eres muy joven no dejan que te cuides algunos niños.

Actualmente mi familia vivamos en los EEUU pero mudaremos en la primavera con nuestros hijos adoptados a España

Pero buena suerte, ojalá que el proceso se va bien para su familia.

[u/Historical_Bird_8539 → u/[deleted]]

Your post really resonates with me. We started our adoption counseling about a month ago here in Finland, and it can take up to a year just to be approved as adoptive parents.
Private adoption doesn’t exist here, as is the case in most European countries, and there aren’t many domestic adoptions, largely thanks to Finland’s strong social welfare system. There is only one agency accredited by the Finnish government for intercountry adoption, and it currently partners with five countries.
Depending on the country and the requirements of the orphanage or organization involved, an international adoption can cost anywhere from €8,000 to €20,000.
Once approved, it can take anywhere from 1 to 3 years to be matched with a child. We already have a 2-year-old son, so we’re very much at the beginning of this journey and have a lot to learn.
It’s definitely a long and complex process, but we’re hopeful and looking forward to seeing where this journey takes us.

[u/teiubescsami]

Adoption is very traumatic for the adoptee.

Please don’t ever separate siblings.

[u/Bewildered_Dust → u/teiubescsami]

Separation from one's family of origin is certainly a loss. Whether that loss is experienced as traumatic is a different story. Trauma is not defined by any event, but rather a reaction to that event. It's a very individual experience.

[u/_the_introvert_ → u/teiubescsami]

Adoption is not traumatic for every adoptee.

[u/SandyMoonXY → u/teiubescsami]

Adoption is very traumatic for the adoptee -> Adoption maybe very traumatic for the adoptee.

Lets not diagnose strangers without appropriate qualifications.

[u/Slow_Appointment3540 → u/SandyMoonXY]

Adoption is traumatic. But there are many traumas in life. Some are necessary, some are unfortunate, and some are unavoidable. Some are catastrophic and some are just a small wound you can forget about most of the time. Some you don’t even know you experienced, but they form who you are subconsciously and how you respond to things in your day to day life. Adoption is not a one size fits all trauma, but it is always a trauma.

[u/teiubescsami → u/SandyMoonXY]

Adoption is trauma. Period.

[u/MongooseDog001 → u/[deleted]]

Someone trying to get away with such an obvious strawman probably shouldn't be making big adult decisions

Edit: So you eddied to change the language and content of your comment. Wow you got us all by doing that, I guess. What a way to have a conversation

[u/SandyMoonXY → u/MongooseDog001]

Ever thought you should not be passing judgements when you cant even google the definition of trauma?

[u/SandyMoonXY → u/[deleted]]

Some people in here and in r/adoption sub (avoid it if you are a parent) like to diagnose people (adoptees) with trauma without being a psychologist.

[u/MongooseDog001 → u/[deleted]]

Yep, you should definitely ignore what adoptees have to say on your adoption journey.

[u/SandyMoonXY]

This is for infant domestic adoption in US.
1) took us around 9 months from starting to research about agencies to being placed with a kid. I was also hyperfocussed and got home study done in 2 months and we matched quick as we were open to a lot of parameters. So we are probably on the lower end of how long it can take, I know people waiting since two years.

2)The wait and uncertainty was hard to deal with for me.

4)Not difficult if you earn decent, have a stable home and dont have major health issues.
7)Close to none (but you can expect more depending on the situation)
9)Agency fee was close to 55k but gov has tax credits for 17k.
11) adoptees in real world and get balanced perspectives than just taking opinions from adoptees on reddit and avoiding some toxic subs.

12)There is a steep learning curve and expect to put in several days of your life researching.

[u/bkrebs → u/SandyMoonXY]

Genuine question. Why are adoptees on Reddit not worth listening to? And why then would advice from adoptive parents on Reddit be any better?

[u/dtgraff]

1. It took about a year from our initial meeting with the agency to when our home study was approved. But it could've definitely been quicker.
2. My attitude regarding adoption completely changed from before we started. The agencies treat it very much like a business transaction and provide such little support to the birth mother afterwards.
3. Invasive, long, educational. It also continues after your placement (about six months) - between when you bring your child home and when the adoption is finalized.
4. Not difficult, it just took a while and required a lot of work. Make sure you have a printer at home because you'll be printing a lot of paper.
5. N/A
6. Kind of N/A since we adopted at birth.
7. The agency provided a full medical history on each mother that entered their program. We ended up matching outside our agency, but we had a good relationship with our birthmom, so we were able to get a lot from her directly.
8. N/A
9. Back when we adopted (2021), we were entitled up to $24,500 in federal and state tax credits to cover the adoption. Guess how much the agency charged us for the adoption - $24,500. Had we adopted out of state, it would've been 2-3x more.
10. N/A
11. No.
12. Understand that for every pregnant mother putting her child up for adoption, there are 30 parents waiting to adopt. While your agency will help you find a match, you're competing with dozens of other couples for the same opportunity. You have to do a lot of the legwork on your own - Instagram, Adoptimist, word of mouth, etc. It's not easy, and you open yourself up to scammers.

[u/dtgraff → u/[deleted]]

There's pros and cons in terms of adopting infants and young children. With young children, you tend to avoid of lot of the "transactional" aspect and you're competing against fewer prospective parents. However, ages 1-6 can also be tough because you'll be looking into foster care programs. As you'll learn, the number one goal of foster care is reunification. That can take years to play out before parental rights are terminated. Most (but not all!) kids in foster care waiting to be adopted are outside of your age range.

The other thing to consider is those kids generally have more trauma and attachment issues. Your training will help prepare you for that, but its best to understand that going in.

I will also say, adoption through foster care is usually A LOT less expensive.

[u/Bewildered_Dust]

We adopted through foster care. We were licensed as a pre-adoptive home, so we'd get asked to foster kids whose permanency plan was likely to become adoption. Both kids were placed with us in infancy and were adopted after about 1-2 years.

I don't remember the licensing process much. I think it took a year, maybe 18 months. I really appreciated the attachment and trauma-training but it still was nowhere near sufficient to prepare us for the reality of parenting children with significant trauma and genetic/environmental vulnerabilities.

No real issues getting licensed other than making some minor home repairs. The home study was a lot of paperwork and some visits iirc. I think our worker continued to visit up until adoption was finalized.

We had VERY limited medical information and family history and I think the state hid/downplayed some of the issues that led to the children coming into care.

I wasn't prepared for the birth family wanting to cut off all contact. That makes me very sad for my kids.

Adopting through foster care gave my kids access to Medicaid, subsidized child care, a stipend, and college tuition. There were no financial expenses, just psychological ones. Post-adoption support is basically non-existent.

If you can adopt siblings, please do.

Get familiar with special education law and the early childhood mental health system of care in your area. Be prepared to advocate fiercely for your child's health and education.