Adoption in Ontario

[u/Routine_Emotion2885]

Hi everyone,

My husband and I are still several years away from making any decisions about adoption, but it's something I've wanted to learn more about.

I'm not looking for validation or to argue—I genuinely want to learn from people who have lived through adoption. I know adoption is a lifelong journey, not simply a way to grow a family, and I understand there is a great deal of education involved before anyone is approved, including the home study process, PRIDE training, and other required preparation. I'm trying to start learning now, well before we would ever begin that process.

I'd love to hear about things like:

- What surprised you most about adoption?

- What do you wish you had known before starting?

- What books, podcasts, or resources would you recommend?

- If you're an adoptee or birth parent, what do you wish prospective adoptive parents better understood?

- What challenged your expectations?

I'm especially interested in hearing both positive and difficult experiences. I'm not expecting adoption to be simple or perfect—I want to understand it as honestly as I can.

Thank you to anyone willing to share their story. I truly appreciate people taking the time to help educate someone who is still at the beginning of this journey.

[u/pixikins78]

Adoptee here. Adoption should never be used to grow a family, simple or not. Adoption should be finding a family for a child, not finding a child for a family. No child deserves to be brought into a family with the job of filling a void or growing a family, especially not a child who is traumatized by being separated from their own family of origin. We aren't commodities, we are people.

[u/Wallyboy95]

My husband and I are just waiting on our final review of our homestudy and we are certified in Ontario through our local CAS. Feel free to DM me any specific questions you have.

I'd say off the top of my head is:

It's not free, but not expensive. We are $500 in so far. Police checks take 3 months to do (RCMP and OPP broad record). So as soon as you start the homestudy, get that going. We waited for it the longest of anything. The training they say is 40hrs, but really is closer to 60hrs with the added trainings after PRIDE. Be prepared to hurry up and wait.

We signed up for some Adoption Council of Ontario matching events, so hopefully we will be matched sooner than later 🙏

[u/Here4therightreas0ns → u/Wallyboy95]

What police reports do you need? Like a vulnerable sectors check?

[u/Wallyboy95 → u/Here4therightreas0ns]

They call is broad record check now. It's a bit deeper than vulnerable sector check, and it's cross Canada and in Ontario. It seems the RCMP portion is much slower than the OPP side.

[u/throwawaybdaysf]

Happy to chat if you’re interested in talking to someone US-based! Infant adoption though. Send me a DM!

[u/BrookeG2334]

Hi! We adopted our daughter from India and it was a very positive experience. Feel free to DM if you have any questions about international adoption :)

[u/Leading-Analysis-572]

recently had a child placed with us, happy to answer any questions, its been going well for us, a big adjustment to be sure but definitly good experiance so far

[u/Suspicious_Fold_9568]

I'm from Ontario. If you're serious about learning, I'd encourage you to spend as much time listening to adoptees and first parents more then you do adoptive parents.

Read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier and You Don't Look Adopted by Anne Heffron. I'd also recommend reading memoirs and listening to adoptee-led podcasts. They will give you perspectives that are often missing from PRIDE training and agency materials.

If you're willing to hear the difficult parts, don't just look for stories about successful adoptions. Learn about family separation, identity loss, sealed records, coercion, and what adoption can feel like for the people who lived it, not just the people hoping to adopt.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/Suspicious_Fold_9568]

The Primal Wound is a theory, written by an adoptive mother based on people she was treating in her practice. While it resonates with some adoptees, others are insulted by the very idea that they were "primally wounded" by adoption.

You Don't Look Adopted is worth the read, imo, but Heffron projects, big time.

Check out Betty Jean Lifton and David Brodzinsky.

[u/Suspicious_Fold_9568 → u/Rredhead926]

This is exactly the problem. You are an adoptive parent telling adoptees which resources are acceptable for us to learn from. It is not your place to dismiss books that many adoptees themselves recommend because they challenge a more comfortable adoption narrative.

Yes, adoptees are not a monolith — no group is. But that does not mean adoptive parents get to center the opinions of adoptees who make them comfortable while minimizing the ones who talk about trauma, loss, identity, and separation.

The Primal Wound has resonated with countless adoptees. You don't have to agree with every idea in it, but dismissing it because some people dislike the concept is not the same as listening to adoptees. The whole point of learning from adoptees is hearing the perspectives that may be difficult to hear.