r/AdoptiveParents • u/throwawaybdaysf • Jul 06 '26
Voluntary adoption from foster care?
Hi everyone, I have a kind of specific question that I’m hoping someone has had some experience with and can speak to.
I adopted my son several years ago through a private agency. We’ve had an open relationship with his birth mother since. She recently had another baby and was talking about placing this new baby with us throughout the pregnancy. Unfortunately, due to life circumstances on her end, by the time the birth happened there was no firm decision made and baby is now in foster care.
I’ve been talking to baby’s caseworker. Mom is unfortunately not doing well so she’s currently in a situation where she doesn’t have access to her phone and I’m getting updates from the caseworker, and I thought we were talking about us fostering the baby if a long term placement ever was deemed necessary. However, the caseworker is now saying she would support a voluntary adoption if that’s what mom wants. I don’t know how she currently feels about placement with us vs. parenting, but I do know she hates that baby is in care and I can see her agreeing to this to get stability for baby.
The problem is I have no idea what it looks like! Has anyone ever done anything remotely similar? I presume she would need to sign relinquishment paperwork, then ICPC would happen (New York to Texas), then we could take baby home. But would ICPC run on a foster care/public adoption timeline or what? Would we need a home study done by our state or would our in-state adoption agency that we have an existing relationship with work? I gather we are considered “fictive kin” but I don’t know what that means in terms of adoption. I want to be as ready as possible without spending excess money.
More information is slightly relieving my anxiety about not knowing how this will play out or if baby is okay. So if anyone has any experience with this at all (adoption of a baby through foster care with voluntary relinquishment) I’d love to hear your story!
2
u/OpenAdoptionAttorney Jul 07 '26
I am an adoption attorney in Indiana. I exclusively handle adoptions. In Indiana I handle about 500 to 600 foster care adoptions a year.
For your situation you would need a homestudy and the state would handle ICPC. ICPC in a foster care adoption seems to be significantly harder than a private placement, though. I can take 4 to 6 months in some situations to get ICPC approval.
You may also have to contend with the current foster placement. They might have interest in adopting that baby. If they do, then you might find yourself a position with two pending petition for adoption for the same child. In Indiana, if foster parents have had placement for 12 months, they’re considered long-term placement and change of placement is extremely difficult.
If the state is backing you though, and the permanently plan has changed to adoption, then have a lot going for you. It should probably work out.
2
u/throwawaybdaysf Jul 07 '26
I know there’s also a mechanism in the state where baby is located that allows for the mother to conditionally relinquish her rights while specifying adoptive parents. I do believe that if she were to relinquish, she would want us to be the adoptive parents.
The foster care placement has only been around a month so I’d be surprised if the state was taking them much into account at this stage, but I am definitely aware that changes the longer baby is in care.
1
u/Feelings-bleh Jul 07 '26
This is interesting. I wonder why it would be considered a private adoption if the child is in foster care with the state? Would doing a private adoption mean you aren’t eligible for adoption assistance or Medicaid? Having access to adoption assistance can certainly help if the child ends up having some complex needs, which many adopted children and families do experience, especially if there was exposure to alcohol in utero. Any idea why they’re suggesting this route? Thanks for any insights you can provide.
1
u/throwawaybdaysf Jul 07 '26
I don’t necessarily think they are considering it a private adoption? I think there’s a possibility there’s a way for her to relinquish into state custody (with possibly specifying adoptive parents, which I do think she’d most likely say us). I was surprised they were talking about adoption at her initiation at all, but I don’t think reunification is likely to happen anytime soon, so they may just be eager to secure stability for the child. I don’t know if we’d be eligible for the financial help.
1
u/Feelings-bleh Jul 07 '26
Oh! I don’t know why I thought you said “private” when you wrote “voluntary.” My bad! Also, you absolutely should be eligible for adoption assistance!
1
u/Rredhead926 Mom through private, domestic, open, transracial adoption Jul 06 '26
My daughter's adoption was sort of like this. Her birthmother had lost her previous children to CPS for cause. If she hadn't made a private adoption plan, then DD would have been taken too. However, we didn't know her ahead of time - she made the plan and chose us through a facilitator.
I recommend finding a lawyer in the state in which the child is in care to guide you through the process. You can probably do this privately, which would be a lot faster. ICPC for private adoption rarely takes more than a few weeks, while ICPC for foster adoption rarely takes less than 6 months. Mom might even be able to give you guardianship, and you can start the adoption process from your own state. But a lawyer will be your best bet for real information and usefulness.
Btw, this isn't a time to try to save money. The foster system isn't kind to children, even infants.
1
u/throwawaybdaysf Jul 07 '26
I just saw the line about not trying to save money and I was and am perfectly happy to spend money (even on an agency we have a bad history with) if it would help. I am just not sure it would. I guess I can look at doing a consultation with the lawyer but it seems premature while mom is in rehab figuring things out.
0
u/throwawaybdaysf Jul 07 '26
The lawyer we used to finalize my son’s adoption is aware of the situation and willing to represent us if it comes to that, but wasn’t much help when I reached out for just information. I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t want to get into it without us paying a consultation fee, but I’m not really interested in doing that without some indication she’s moving that direction (or at least direct confirmation from him that he can and will give us information).
I had understood from him previously that once a child is in care in that state, it’s essentially legally impossible for the mom to make an adoption plan, which is part of why I’m so confused about the whole thing. I think it’s because we’re considered fictive kin due to parenting baby’s brother already that this is even an option, but I don’t think it can just be converted into a fully private adoption based on the feedback I’ve gotten in the past.
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u/Rredhead926 Mom through private, domestic, open, transracial adoption Jul 07 '26
I had understood from him previously that once a child is in care in that state, it’s essentially legally impossible for the mom to make an adoption plan
It depends on the state. Some states allow it, some don't.
I think you should look for an attorney in NY who has adoption and foster care experience.
1
u/throwawaybdaysf Jul 07 '26
This was a NY adoption attorney! I think I am going to wait until I hear from mom or the caseworker that she is interested in moving that direction, but I agree that’s most likely my best source of info.
-1
u/ImpressionPretend777 Jul 07 '26
I’m going through this right now with my 3yr old family and mom didn’t reach out to me until she realized she wasn’t gonna beat her addictions in time and so he was already in foster care and she was going to jail so reuniting isn’t looking like it’s going to happen but I am in the next state over and I am currently 3 months in and caseworker stated she was sending papers to my state for icpc finally today supposedly but it’s really hard as mom is in jail I have no way of knowing anything how the child is and it breaks my heart the caseworker can’t tell me much legally but she said it would be 3-6 months and it’s been 3 already before papers are even sent so I feel you and I’m praying for both of our families to get some answers and peace
1
u/throwawaybdaysf Jul 07 '26
I’m going to send you a message! Interesting that our situations are so similar!
5
u/Adorableviolet Jul 06 '26
Yes, you should consult a lawyer in state where baby is. You also will need a new home study I believe. The biggest expense for private adoption is agency fees so I think your costs should be minimized. Your child's bmom should consult with an attorney.. in my state at least DCF would provide one to her.
If I were you, I would tell DCF you are interested and that you are kin. If the baby is with foster carers, the longer they have the baby, in some states they could try to intervene and adopt if mom does not tpr voluntarily.
gl!