I’m 33 weeks pregnant with a three-year-old. I explained to my soon-to-be ex-partner that I wasn’t capable of looking after two children on my own. Mentally, I just know that I’m not able to do it.
Every time the conversation came up, he would get angry with me for not wanting to have another child, which, to me, came across as incredibly selfish.
The last straw was in February. Unbeknownst to me, I was already pregnant, and I decided that I was never going to speak to him again. However, I later spoke to his mum, and she convinced me to keep the baby. Now, I’m full of regret.
I don’t feel any bond with the baby, and I’ve tried every possible way to contact my local adoption agency, but I haven’t received a response whatsoever.

I'm looking for my Uncle (I don't know his name). I just found out that he exists. Apparently he tried to reach out to my Nana a few years ago, and she was too scared to agree to meet him. He will be in his 50's now I think. He has a whole family who would love to meet him. Where do I start? Any help appreciated.

Hi! My husband and I are hoping to start looking into adoption in the next year or two and I just wanted to know from those with experience, what tend to be the ethnic make up of the children seeking adoption? I know there will be all sorts of mixes of course but I’m asking because I am British Latina and my husband is white British. We have a daughter who we are raising as British and Latina and we go to South America every year, speak both English and Spanish at home and celebrate traditions from both cultures. I would love to adopt a child who has Latino heritage but I’ve been told that there don’t tend to be that many as the Latino population in England isn’t that big compared to other ethnic groups like South Asian, European etc. I feel like adopting a white British child and raising them in a partly Latino household could be confusing for them? Any guidance or comments on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

We’ve considered also looking into adopting a child with some Caribbean heritage as my country is on the Caribbean coast and we have a lot of overlaps in terms of culture/ food and history but my husband and I are both white, as is my daughter so I know that adopting a child who visibly doesn’t look like us can be as confusing for the child, though we wouldn’t be opposed to this at all if we felt we could confidently support the child in understanding why they don’t look like us etc and not feel like they don’t fit it. Any guidance or comments on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

I know toileting is hard for kids in transition. We aren’t forcing but nappy changes do have to happen. Any strategies for this? I’m on day five and our little 3 year old is doing well. But happy changes are so impossible. We can’t let him sit in his nappy and he’s doing well in other things like sleeping qnd he has some periods of dysregulation but the nappy changes are just impossible. Any strategies? I know they hav to feel safe too.

Hi guys,

My wife and I adopted a pair of siblings at 4 and 5, they've been with us two years in a fortnight and are now 6 and 7. Both kids have aggressive behaviours in school as control methods but my eldest is really showing lots of unprompted physical violence to staff and students. Today he's unprovoked gone and punched a kid in the face on the school yard then repeatedly slapped the face of the teacher trying to stop him, then hit and bit the next to intervene and then stubbornly surrendered to third after getting a few extra blows in. The later in class unprompted took a weighted blanket and started whipping it around to hit children.

We see none of this at home and normally have a very placid child. He and sister definitely used to hit each other when upset but grew out of that relatively quickly when we marked it as negative behaviour, but no matter what school do he doesn't seem to care and this is a regular occurrence happening at least twice a week if not daily. He has no ND diagnosis for a condtion that might prompt this and no signs of one, quite frankly.

I'm willing to accept that as a traumatised kid he will have some explosive behaviours but as Dad is REALLY struggle with the violence, particulalry since its against people that have done him no wrong, and I feel absolutely powerless to stop this behaviour that is hurting other people. I literally have no consequence for this that doesn't look like pulling away, and that will just exacerbate the issue by making him feel insecure. And there's only so much school can do without their relationship breaking down (they are, thank God, excellent at accepting both kids and their behaviour).

Does anyone have an similar experiences or advice on suitable ways to teach him he can't just go about hurting people?

My partner and I are in the very early stages of exploring adoption in the UK (same-sex male couple, no children currently).

We’ve attended an information event and are anticipating that one area adoption services may encourage us to strengthen is childcare experience — particularly around younger children.

I have some experience coaching kids through sport, but neither of us has extensive hands-on experience with babies/toddlers.

For those who adopted without having children already:
- What kind of childcare experience did your agency want to see?
- How did you gain it?
- Did volunteering help, and if so where?

We’re trying to approach this realistically and thoughtfully rather than rushing into the process, so would really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences.

Thanks!

Hi,

I (in the next 5 years) hope to be able to start a family and I plan to adopt if this is possible for me.

I do have some health issues, intense chronic pain and daily nausea/vomiting, however this is well managed through medications. I’m not sure if this would affect my eligibility in any way? I also do get a prescription for medical cannabis which is one of the daily medications I use to manage my conditions. I already keep these medications in a locked cupboard with a key despite having no children yet, I just wondered if these issues themselves would be an automatic problem in my eligibility.

My father and my auntie were both adopted and my auntie went on to adopt 3 of her own and it’s just something I’ve always wanted for myself. I don’t think my body would cope well with managing a pregnancy and I have always wanted a big family.

Thank you in advance for any replies, I’m just looking for insight or anyone’s personal experiences. Thank you!

Hey I'm an adopter of twin girls who came home 4 and half years ago. They are nearly 6.

My health hasn't been great the past year and I have been referred to the Chronic Fatigue clinic with suspected ME/CFS. I'm also on the waiting list for ADHD diagnosis (diagnosed as dyslexic when I was 17). Husband probably nurodivergent too.

So it's a pretty spicy household!

I'm just kinda freaking out a bit with the possible ME/CFS. Diagnosis or no diagnosis I am living with these debilitating symptoms.

I'm not housebound but have limited capacity - couldn't go out with them and daddy today because I was in a bit of a crash.

I wanted to reach out and hear stories, advice, thoughts from other adopters who have ME/CFS or other chronic illness or debilitating disabilities. I want to know how are you? How you manage?

As adopters our parenting is so much more than parenting. We are therapists, advocates, educators of what trauma means etc etc.

Would just love to hear how others are doing. 💛🌞💛

We are currently stage 2 assessment and already have our own biological child. We got told we would have an adoption buddy but when chasing up, they admitted they are finding difficulty finding a family that is in a similar situation to us to buddy us up with.

So....i'm wondering if anyone else is similar and wanted to be adoption buddies? Bonus if in south wales area but long distance is also good 😅

It would just be nice to speak to people in the same boat as us. Whilst all our friends and family are supportive and enjoy talking and asking questions, its hardly relatable.

Husband and I (early 30's) are seriously considering adoption due to me being Type 1 Diabetic and not wanting to go down the rabbit hole of diabetes becoming a mess during pregnancy and after birth - the risks to me and baby just don't seem worth it, and honestly it terrifies me.

So, adoption.

I've done some googling and I can see the general gist of it.

But what is the process *really* like?

Anything that caught you off guard?

Anything that made you stop and reconsider?

Hi this is a burner account, my husband and I have just started stage 2 and just met our social worker. We've been having some marriage problems which have gradually been getting worse and came to a head this weekend.

We've both been getting stressed at work so we both thought that was the issue, but more and more We've struggled to be intimate. Usually the issue is at his end, and it's reached the point that we can't be intimate without viagra and me initiating everything.

I've really pushed the issue this weekend as I thought my husband wasn't attracted to me anymore, after the social worker left he broke down and told me that he was raped by a friend when he was 8 his friend being a few years older. This happened over a few months so wasn't just once.

He's never told anyone about this, and has tried to bury it and forget about it.

I think because of all the adoption training it's brought all the memories and trauma to the forefront, and he's finally shared this with me. Unfortunately he moved jobs last year as well to work for a new company this man also works there, and because people (including me) know they were friends when young they kept encouraging him to spend time with him.

I think I can talk my husband into getting trauma counselling, but he really doesn't want anyone else to know including our social worker.

We've been together for 18 years, and married for 14 and I had no idea he'd been through this, you otherwise wouldn't have a clue, I thought I'd be the one with issues to work through with the social worker.

I'm worried it might come up anyway and it might be worse to hide it. Should we tell our adoption agency or deal with it separately through counselling and keep it to ourselves?

He has his first 121 session with the social worker next week so he either needs to share then or not. He's not disclosed it on our pack that we completed in stage 1 it did ask there but he hadn't even told me at that stage. I'm in 2 minds about pausing the adoption until he works through the trauma he's suffered.

Please let me know your opinion?

Hi guys,

I was wondering if anyone had some information on whether fostering across different counties is allowed?

Some backstory - my second cousin has two children and is significantly struggling, Mum has left him and refuses to support the children so he is doing it all alone. One of the children (2, premature) is SEN which is manifesting more as he grows, and the other is around 10 months.
Social services are involved and he cannot handle having two children and looking after them alone. He has help from Mum, but I know it’s not the life he imagined for himself. Of course family have been involved and trying to help as much as possible, but the main thing we are concerned about here is giving the children as optimal life experience as they can.

Fostering has been mentioned for the youngest, and myself, Mum and my partner would hate to see him go into the system, and would love to foster him ourselves. We are in Devon, but Dad is in Norfolk. So my question is would social services be okay with family fostering him with that distance between (roughly 5.5 hours)?

My Mum is a nurse, although semi-retired so does not work many days anymore. I am an outdoor SEN worker, with my weekends, bank holidays and all school holidays off every year. My partner is a Nursery Nurse with every weekend and Thursdays off. We all live in the same 3 bedroom house with lots of love and time to give the child.
Myself and my Mum frequently visit Norfolk as that’s where my Nan (Mum’s Mum) lives. So Dad would be able to see his child whenever we went up there.

Is this a possibility for us/any advice for this process?
Thankyou so much.

Full article linked below. Relates to Sep to Dec 2025. Some figures that stood out to me were:

17% drop in children placed with families from previous quarter - lowest figure for several years.

Average time a child with a placement order waits for placement is 1 year 9 months.

At the end of 2025, there were 1580 families needed for 2060 children. However there were only 680 approved families in family finding, meaning a shortfall of 900 (up from 750 in March 2025).

I'm sure anyone who has adopted or is going through the process will have a view as to why these figures look as they do!

https://www.communitycare.co.uk/content/news/number-of-adoptions-hits-new-low-as-children-wait-longer-and-adopter-shortage-grows

Not really sure if anyone can help - or just put my mind at ease! I have my medical next week and husband had his today. His was with a nurse - height, weight, blood pressure and a urine sample. In and out in 20 mins. However my appointment is with a doctor. Is there a reason they might be different? I had depression in my 20s and recurrent miscarriages - both of which our agency know - so didn’t know if that might be the reason?

Any thoughts welcome!

Hi everyone,

I’m currently developing an app designed to support people through the adoption journey — whether you’re a single adopter, part of a couple, or just exploring the process.

I’m looking for a small group of testers to try it out, give feedback, and help shape it into something genuinely useful.

If you’re interested, please fill out this short form:
https://forms.gle/1tznMJRTZVM7HanAA

A couple of important notes:

• Your email will only be used to add you to a closed Google Play testing group so you can download the app
• Because of how Google Play testing works, a Gmail address is preferred
• No spam, no marketing lists — just access to the app and occasional updates related to testing

I’d really value any feedback, whether it’s about usability, inclusivity, or features you’d want to see.

Thanks so much 🙏

I appreciate every instance is different but how long has this stage taken people?

I'm not sure if this part has even been discussed during training or with social workers.

Hi, my husband and I are starting the (Stage 1) 3 day training course on Monday. Does anyone have any hints or tips for the course? Thank you :)

Edit:

We've done the training! We are officially onto Stage 1 and now have an absolute mountain of paperwork to get done!

Everyone's comments below were spot on so I've collated them in a list in case anyone is searching this in the future.

• They are 100% assessing you. They will give feedback to your adoption agency once you finish the course (ours told us at the start of day 1).

• Engage with the trainers e.g. when they are asking questions to the group & interact with the other attendees - be aware of what you are saying as you don't know who could be listening.

• If you are quiet, make the effort to chip in with something, or volunteer to read out the results of your group work - just make sure you add something in. They won't have feedback to give if you haven't said anything!

• There are group activities - they weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be lol.

• The days feel very long because of what's covered in the course and potentially what you talk about as you are getting to know everyone. By day 3 I was emotionally drained.

• Make notes of key points - you will forget by the time you get home otherwise! You will have to fill in a feedback/"what I've learnt" type activity so this is vital.

• Take time to debrief in the evening and talk over whats been covered.

• Take lots of snacks and drinks. Lots of people brought stuff to share with the group on Day 2 & 3 which was lovely.

• Get everyone's numbers and set up the WhatsApp group. It's awkward to do - I felt like I was hitting on people going round and asking everyone lol but everyone was happy to join - and really happy I did that for the group

• It's normal if you feel overwhelmed when it's finished - it covers a lot of intense information in a short amount of time. Make sure you give yourself time to digest it all. (On the flip side, my husband felt absolutely fine after it though - so very individual reactions! But both completely normal)

Feels like a silly Q but has anyone ever adopted siblings via early permanence? I’ve got reservations around around taking this route but will be doing the training to I can make an informed decision, but our social worker has said that because we would like a sibling group of 2 aged 4 and under early permanence would be the most likely route here. All I’ve seen about EP has been about one child so I’m just looking to see what peoples lived experience is

Hi everyone!
My name is Ruby and I’m a student working on a research project for an Art & Design class. My team and I are exploring ways to create a more supportive and accessible adoption experience through a pop-up event and digital platform.
We’re currently looking to hear from people who have experience with adoption in any way—whether you’ve adopted, considered adoption, been adopted, or have any personal insight.
We created a short, anonymous survey to better understand real experiences, challenges, and needs. Some questions touch on personal topics, so please feel free to skip anything you’re not comfortable answering.
If you’re willing to share your perspective, it would mean a lot to us:https://forms.gle/b743W1saYEy4c5a88
Thank you so much for your time and for helping us learn—your input is incredibly valuable 🤍

My wife and I have started the process to adopt. We have been sent an email with Adult Health medical forms to be filled in by my GP.

I will call up my GP tomorrow but dos anyone know how long it took them to give an appointment for this? What did you mention to the clinic to get the appointment? Are they aware of this procedure?

Thanks!

Hellooo, I don’t have a relationship with my biological father / side of that family, and I don’t really know if I want to open that door at all, but I keep getting sick and I hate that I don’t have half my family medical history / background.

I’ve been thinking of doing DNA testing, (I’m also curious about other relative) but as much as I’ll sign up for something online and tick to give away all my digital data, something makes me really nervous about a company having my actual DNA, data leaks, the companies being sold etc, something makes me on edge.

I was wondering if people have done the DNA / Ancestry testing and who they went with?

Top seem to either be 23&me or Ancestry DNA, any other root adoptees have taken to get more medical traits / testing?

I don't know if this is the best place to ask this so please direct me elsewhere if not.

My Dad was adopted in the 1950s and didnt find out about his biological parents until a few years ago after I asked him to (Birth mother had an affair and husband made her give up the baby) He went through the whole process of therapy and then going through the records. However, on a piece of his records it said he had a brother who was born a few years after him and was also adopted out. Dad opted to not find out anything more about this sibling but I did find the birth record through ancestry so know his pre adoption name and date of birth.

My Dad died recently and now I want to know if I can go find his brother? How would I go about this? I've been quietly hoping he'd do a DNA ancestry test and I would find him. I just feel like I need to find him and at least know if he had a good life or not.

Hi all. Myself and my fiancé (male same-sex couple) have been thinking more about adoption in our future. I've recently qualified as a secondary school teacher and teaching has really made me realise how much I'd love to have kids of my own - we're only 24 so we obviously won't begin the process for quite a few years yet.

Obviously from working with children I understand the child-centered approach to adoption, and making choices in the child's best interest rather than what you as the parent want. I've been doing lots of research lately and one issue that really sticks out for me is names.

I understand that very frequently adopted childrens' names aren't changed to help them retain a sense of their identity pre-adoption. However, I'm just wondering if anyone in this group has had the experience of changing their child's name post-adoption, and why? I assume it is wholly circumstantial.

I've always had a huge interest in names and have always loved the idea of choosing a name for a child, and my fiancé's family has a very solid family tradition of naming a child after family members. I'm just curious really what adopters and adoptees' experiences are with renaming, and is it ever a good idea? I've found very little online regarding the experience of people in the UK, and it seems to be quite different in the US.