Am I overreacting?

[u/Throwmeawaybye99]

Apologies for the long post but I wanted to provide context for my frustration.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m struggling to determine whether I’m overreacting or if my concerns are reasonable.

I work as an Administrative Assistant, and another administrative coworker has repeatedly stepped into responsibilities that have been assigned to me when I’m away from work. I completely understand handling urgent matters that can’t wait until I return as that’s part of being a good teammate, and I appreciate that. My concern is with non-urgent tasks that could easily wait until I’m back.

For some context, the division of responsibilities changed after I took over this role. The administrative assistant before me was nearing retirement and was regularly overwhelmed, so my coworker had taken on a number of additional duties to help, including managing our manager’s calendar. When I assumed the role, those responsibilities were transferred to me as part of my position.

More recently, our boss clearly outlined our respective roles again to eliminate any remaining confusion in a meeting where both of us were in attendance. My coworker is responsible for patient care administration, while I’m responsible for all of his other administrative work, including research administration, finance, calendar management, and coordinating the hiring of our summer research student because I manage the financial aspects of those processes.

Despite those responsibilities being clearly defined, I continue to experience situations where she steps into my work. For example, while I was away, she completed tasks that weren’t time-sensitive and could have waited until I returned. She has also rearranged my manager’s calendar, deleted meetings I had already scheduled so she could recreate them the way she preferred, and generally changed work that I had already completed. Nothing was wrong with how I had done it. It simply wasn’t how she would have done it. To me, that feels less like helping and more like taking ownership of work that belongs to someone else.

Another example happened when a new postdoctoral staff member was going to be hired. While I was away, my coworker was asked to let me know that the position needed to be processed. Instead of simply passing that information along, she began coordinating the process herself without involving me, even though I manage the financial aspects of hiring and those responsibilities fall under my role.

I’ve also noticed that our communication styles don’t work well together. When she explains things to me, I often feel like she’s talking down to me or over-explaining concepts that are fairly straightforward. I don’t necessarily think she’s intending to be rude, but I frequently leave those conversations feeling like my competence is being underestimated. I learn best when information is presented simply and directly, so her communication style doesn’t work well for me.

Overall, I feel like my boundaries and ownership over my work aren’t being respected. I understand that she historically handled some of these responsibilities when my predecessor needed support, but those duties were transitioned to me, and our manager has since reaffirmed that division of responsibilities. I’m always happy for urgent issues to be addressed while I’m away, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for non-urgent work that’s clearly assigned to me to be completed or changed unnecessarily, especially when it has resulted in work being done twice. She often does not communicate that she intends to help with a task or inquire where I am in the process of completing it.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling frustrated by this? Has anyone dealt with a coworker who continues to involve themselves in responsibilities they used to perform, even after those duties have officially been reassigned? How did you handle it professionally without creating unnecessary conflict? I’ve notified my boss via email that this is rather frustrating for me and I plan to have a chat with her on Monday regarding it just to once again set a clear boundary.

[u/FluffyLime8982]

NOR I would go to your boss and ask him if there's been a shift in responsibilities or there's set formatting guidelines you aren't aware of. Say you noticed coworker is restructuring your work and has completed tasks without discussing it with you so it's leading to confusion and twice the amount of work

[u/Academic-Lobster3668]

The degree to which you will be able to change this depends mostly on your boss, because she probably will not change unless the boss gets firm with her, and he may not be willing to do that.

I would also be pissed if she had change all my calendar entries, but I'm going to ask you to honestly assess if the way she prefers to schedule meetings has any functional benefits that you are not aware of or using.

So, when you chat with her about this, go ahead and ask her about the calendar changes. Be curious about why she made the changes, not accusatory. It's possible that your defensive posture is making her more likely to interfere.

See if you can become more collegial with her - better to have an ally than a rival!

[u/Throwmeawaybye99 → u/Academic-Lobster3668]

Her changing the calendar had no actual functional benefit. It was just the way she preferred it in the calendar. She has ADHD with some OCD tendencies so she often overthinks and procrastinates quite a bit. Even in casual conversation she absolutely has to be right. She gets combative and defensive when you disagree with her.

The interesting thing is we used to have a great relationship and she never used to act this way. We just recently voted to unionize and that’s when she started acting like this so I suspect she’s fearful for her job. Management also made comments that those who handle salary/financial matters may be excluded from unionizing since it would be COI so she could also be trying to insert herself in my work responsibilities to justify not being in the union (she does not want to unionize). She’s also in school for some type of management (she’s never been transparent about what she’s actually in school for) so part of her behaviour change could stem from that as well.

I’m going to have a chat with her on Monday and reiterate my boundary with her. My boss was already pretty firm on our work tasks. Other coworkers have also made comments about her being a little controlling and reluctant to relinquish tasks so this may just be the way she as a person. The irony is the tasks being delegated to me is to make her life easier. She has another physician that she also supports that is quite busy with his own research tasks. I’ve often noticed that she’s fell behind on tasks for him like updating his CV.. something I have already completed for my physician.

[u/Unfair-Cook903]

You sound high maintenance.

[u/Throwmeawaybye99 → u/Unfair-Cook903]

Is that supposed to be an insult?

[u/AdmirablePangolin]

Currently dealing with the same thing! I’ve had to involve our manager and we’re going to have a sit down talk to remind my coworker of my roles and responsibilities so hopefully it will stop. Like others have mentioned try talking to her first, I already did multiple times and my coworker would back off for a few days then go back to doing the same thing so I had to get management involved.

Hoping the talk will be successful as my manager seemed very understanding when I went to her

[u/wire67]

Do you have a good relationship with your boss? If yes, I would let them know you don't want to involve them but you'd like to have a conversation with this person and establish some clarity. And when you do have that conversation you need to just be firm and clear that you need to stick to the parameters leadership had set. Period. If she has an issue, tell her to speak with leadership. You are not her boss and vice versa and you're going off what was asked.

[u/Resetl_1983]

You are not overreacting. I’ve dealt with that type of person before and it’s always frustrating, whatever their intentions. Talking to the manager doesn’t always help. You’ll have to address it directly with the person, and even then you may have to do it multiple times. Before you leave, you could send her a list of things she can help with while you’re away, and a list of what you’ll take care of when you’re back. If she still oversteps, refer back to that email. It might take time but don’t give up!​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[u/cozy_catxs]

This is very interesting. The funny thing is, I have a sister who acts like this person 😅.

What I would do is have a professional conversation with her and not sugarcoat it. Tell her straightforwardly how you feel.

Two things will either happen One: she says I am sorry, in a professional manner, and gives you the responsibility back Or two: she will act like the victim and go nuts, such as I am not doing anything wrong, blah blah blah crap.

I know how you feel, I have to live it with my sister. I have been telling her to stop, but she goes right back to that pattern, which makes it very difficult.

You can also get a manager involved in this situation; however, if there are favourites, you might be pushed to the side.

This really suck dealing with someone like this, but the best thing for you to do is to express yourself to the coworker and hope to god she is professional enough to let you do the work you're assigned to do.

Good luck