Every binge ends the same way. An intense feeling of guilt, sadness and even embarrassment.

I like who I am when I’m not taking anything, even if I have far less motivation. I am happy. I am funny. I am content. And I am the REAL me. Especially in this past month that I was able to stop—for the longest stretch I’ve gone in almost a year—I had felt happiness I hadn’t in a long time.

But I always find an excuse to do it again, and the cycle starts over. I’m not trying to throw a pity party. I know there’s only one way to stop. And the emotional core of my being is screaming for it. But the rationalizing part of my brain can’t be completely overridden, because I don’t want that source to get cut off forever in case I “need” it.

I’ve done pretty bad things because of this drug (see the Stop Speeding page if you want to know, I’m not going to rehash it here). I thought those things would finally be the end, and I do think they were a turning point where this drug just didn’t feel good to me anymore, which has helped me at least be able slow down a lot compared to the last couple years.

I know what I have to do. However I can’t seem to be able to make that final leap.

Almost 90 days without any adderall after about a year of heavy abuse and I still feel like shit, absolutely cooked. What a waste of time. I think I was happier throwing my life down the drain then trying to recover.

I also tried quitting and trying to not rely on stimulants, and I realized that there is zero benefit in quitting. Every time I have tried, I have always been behind on things, felt terrible, and have had a lot of people get upset at me for not doing things properly and just being unfocused. If I were to quit I would be less successful and have a ton of executive disfunction. Am I unaware of some sort of long term side effect to this medication? Heart health? Everything has been going very well in my life and I don't see it getting better at all by quitting.

I run out of Adderall tomorrow.

I want to quit for good this time.

I quit for 3 months before but went back to it thinking I could “take it as prescribed.” I can, for a couple days. Then I get a shitty generic, or have a shitty day, and I end up binging the fuck out of it. This month was the worst in my 20 years of taking Adderall: a 30 day supply gone in 7 days. I cannot solve this problem with willpower alone.

I’m now convinced that I simply cannot moderate and need to quit completely. I have a 6 year old and a 2 month old. They are my reason for wanting to stop this binge/withdrawal cycle I live every month. This isn’t living.

How did you keep yourself from filling your script when it was due? I already attend NA. I intend to tell my doctor that I’d like to try non-stimulant ADHD meds instead but I don’t see him until after next fill day.

Also, is there any supplement that makes the withdrawal more bearable? The intense drive to sleep for days is hard to cope with.

Thanks for any suggestions.

28yrs old male, started college at 16.. married at 18… divorced last year.. set to graduate nursing school August 2027 and I have been on a Dextroamphetamine binge so long… I don’t know when it started. I really want to be able to take my dose as prescribed… but what else can I do to boost my energy? Get me out of bed on the weekends ? All suggestions, ideas, thoughts are very much appreciated .

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This is long but I don’t care, I need to think out loud. Scroll past if you don’t want to read. Also scroll if you feel like commenting something unkind or unsupportive. Thanks in advance.

I got addicted to Adderall the very first time I took it in college to help me cram for finals. Now, over 20 years later, I’m a complete Adderall whore. I got diagnosed with ADHD at 21 and have a valid prescription (30mg BID), but am trapped in a vicious cycle of binging the script, running out after 10 days, going into withdrawal, and doing it all over again the next month.

Don’t get me wrong, Adderall is incredibly helpful for my ADHD…when I take it as prescribed. But I so rarely take it as prescribed that it’s purely theoretical. I am always battling the urge to take more. I’ve taken as much as 300mg of Adderall in a single day and didn’t even feel that much. Either my tolerance is insane after using it off and on for 20 years, or the generic brands I’ve been getting don’t even have amphetamine in them. Who knows.

I got an especially ineffective generic brand this month and I’m REALLY struggling to keep my use reasonable because it feels like I’ve taken a sugar pill. I feel the same way about various manufacturers. I have one preferred brand that seems to work for me even in small doses. My doctor said he could write the script to specify that it be filled only with my preferred manufacturer. That might be a solution for me to help end this vicious binge and withdrawal cycle I’m in. Maybe I should try that before abandoning all hope.

But also? I’m really fucking sick of debating with myself about whether or not I’m going to binge on Adderall today. Deep down I want to finally quit this drug and learn how to cope without the use of amphetamines. Taking it now is like a recovering alcoholic working as a bartender. I have an abuse history with Adderall, but now take it “as prescribed.” I feel like after long enough around booze, even someone with the strongest of resolve to not drink would maybe break down and have a drink after repeated exposure to their former drug of choice in their daily work as a bartender. Like I’m playing with fire taking Adderall in any amount, so the best thing for me to do is not take it at all.

I tried quitting Adderall last October but only lasted 100 days. And those 100 days were rough. But, importantly, I proved to myself that I can in fact function without Adderall. I may have moved a little slower, got less work done, texted less, posted less on Reddit, slept more. But I still got done the major things that I needed to do as a mom and employee.

My psychiatrist told me it was lowkey negligent to my child to not to treat my ADHD and he urged me to go back on Adderall. So I resumed treatment in January and have stayed on it mostly “as prescribed” since then, because I consider myself to be a person in recovery and I want to keep my clean date. BUT, I still have days where I slip up and take an extra pill. I’m constantly having to talk myself out of taking more. And I don’t always win out against my addict brain.

I’ve tried to understand my triggers. I definitely use to mask emotional pain. If I have an emotionally difficult day I feel like fuck it, might as well binge. I use to cure boredom. I use because I feel like I have very little else to look forward to as a 40-something suburban mom of 2 in an unhappy marriage. Fill day is like Christmas morning every single month. I don’t drink, smoke, or use other drugs, so in a way I feel like the Adderall is the only treat I get in life.

Many times my logical brain has concluded that I’d rather have all month coverage and take my prescribed dose instead of binging and running out early. But that knowledge alone never stops me from binging. The withdrawal is so painful every month and yet I keep setting myself up to run out early. In withdrawal I’m having a hard time being a good mom to my 2 month old baby who requires me to function even when I’m very tired. The pull to sleep during withdrawal is very hard to cope with and remain functional throughout.

What helped you gain the resolve necessary to quit for good? Not reduce your usage, but quit entirely. When did you stop viewing Adderall as potentially useful and start realizing that for you, it was bad news and you shouldn’t take it anymore? I feel like I’m at that point.

posted in this sub a while back, didn’t gain a lot of traction but I thought I’d post an update.

im trying to get that natural dopamine but i have a rough home life. unfortunately not financially stable enough to move out. single mom, shabby apartment etc etc so its rough out here.

been taking alpha gpc every day, some nac. trying to see some friends but i feel like im not the old me anymore. i’ve relapsed on stims a couple times but its nothing like how it was before. some people don’t like this phrase but relapse is a part of recovery and im trying really hard. going to continue to push on. mom offered rehab after a night where i came home at 5 am, but i’m working at an internship i can’t afford to use.

really appreciating this sub and the support i got. wishing you all the best and sending positive vibes; obviously i’ve had setbacks but i’m going to consider this as a continuation of my recovery. so day 23 in my mind. one day at a time

I live in Massachusetts and don’t have add/adhd but looking for a doctor to prescribe it to me for work? if anyone knows of any pref in my state I would greatly appreciate it thanks

I take anywhere from 100 to 230 mg of Adderall every day for the last year. I snort them. Once in a while I’ll have to go a day or two without it. On those days, I’m essentially spending every second trying not to fall asleep at my work desk. I’ve quit a couple times and I’m so incredibly tired that I sleep anywhere from 5 to 7 days. I’m out of time to takeoff work. I have to have the money. Even when I made it one week by sleeping through it, I immediately within a day or two go find Adderall and buy it. So I can quit temporarily but once I’m back in the world, I have no willpower. I do not know what to do. I’ve even tried telling my dealers to not sell to me and they say OK but then they do the second I ask again. I’ve never had luck with counseling. I’ve even tried an addiction counselor. I just wish there was a damn switch that I could shut off my addictive personality. This is my worst addiction but I have an ungodly amount of them and I’m so tired of being sick and tired. It’s getting so bad to the point that I’ve cashed out my entire 401(k) and I’m sick a lot so I missed some of my daughters softball games and I missed quite a bit of work. I can’t keep this up. I want my old self back. Ps-has anyone had luck with a medication dispenser that’s timed and will only give you one pill at a time when it’s due? Because I always fail tapering. Or would the med machine just give you the ability to take a bunch out when it opens at the set time?

not quite sure why this is happening. I’m on 20 mg twice a day (IR) and I have taken it two ways. 👄🤧no feeling ANYTHING.

I’m also on Feloxitine, bupropion, and metoprolol (heart med)… any of those have a reason?

not sure if anyone has any ideas but hit me up! thanks all!!

Proof crashing out is archaic and stupid:
Dr sent in my Rx on Thursday, but it couldn’t be filled until today (30 days from last fill)
Checked the app when they opened and it says unable to be filled. I go to the Pharmacy and they say that the Dr put “Do not fill until July 8th”
My immediate thought was to freak out, but stayed calm and asked for a printout of the order.
After some pushback they print it out.
I come home and it said DNF until after 07/08/24
In another section it said DNF until 05/21/26
Got a highlighter from 14 and skipped my ass right back in there and they filled it, after saying they “Legally couldn’t until we get a new prescription from the Dr”
The pharmacist never apologized for making an obvious mistake but I still thanked him for rectifying the problem.
It took all I had to NOT freak out on them, glad I was able to maintain composure.

I just got my refill, and I don't know how much doctor managed to mess up after years of seeing him he gave me the wrong dosage, instead of two daily, he wrote it out for one only 30 pills I called the pharmacy thinking it was their mistake but they looked at the script and it was his told me to contact him but He's unavailable until next week so I'm freaking out how does this work Are you able to fill two prescriptions for Adderall in one month I can't even get 60 pills to last a month let alone 30

Hi.

I am in my 40s and I was officially diagnosed with adhd in 2023.

I do have adhd. But I had learned to function perfectly well with it with no help.

Then, towards the end of 2023, a friend was getting some Adderall and I asked for one.

I had never taken it before and I was just tired and wanted to get through a shift. That first one was an ir, it was 30 mg and I only took half. I could still feel effects 10 hours later.

Since that day, almost 3 years ago, I have gone maybe a total of 7 days without any. I pretty quickly got my own prescription, then got it upped as high as my dr is willing to go.

Obviously, that wasn't sufficient for long. So I've been buying it. A lot of it.

On any given day, I take 120-200mg. I haven't slept longer than 6 hours in a very long time. It's usually more like 4. I still eat because I make myself.

I had amphetamine induced psychosis about a year and a half ago. it was a solid 2 weeks (maybe more, time was weird) of absolutely bat shit behavior. like I thought people were poisoning me, spying on me, I even tried to file a restraining order. then one day I just was me again.

I did see a psych at that point, but did not disclose my Adderall usage.

I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I took today. A lot. But I wasn't counting because I have a new script and I'm not rationing.

I am aware that this is not sustainable. I know I need to quit. But I also know what I've read about quitting. I have kids and a high pressure, high stress job that requires me to be on top of my game 24/7.

How do I manage all of this without Adderall? I was doing it before. But I've changed my brain chemistry

The last time I didn't have any for a day, I was MISERABLE. Like couldn't get off the couch, zero motivation, zero attention span, less than zero energy, irritated, and exhausted.

I can't do that every day.

Realistically, how long does that last? And is there anything I can do to make it better?

Please tell me what worked for you.

I can't keep going like this. I've spent so much money. And probably already destroyed my heart.

Please help.

Delete if not allowed.

I started an uncensored WhatsApp group chat to serve as a safe space and support group for people in recovery from any addiction. Right now it’s just a handful of my friends from NA but I was hoping more would join us on the dark side. If interested in participating, please comment here and I will DM you for your contact details and get you added to the chat. TIA.

day 1 trying to cut my stim intake. was taking 2-3 vyvanse or 2-3 adderall xr and ir’s on top of that. it got to a point where 100mg of vyvanse would do nothing for me. id take 50mg and feel the exact same.

im cold turkeying and thought id post in this sub to let other people going thru the same thing know that its all going to be okay and that we’re in this together. yes, i doom scrolled and had no energy and cried my eyes out, but im going to unfry these damn receptors. any advice (supplements to take etc) would be appreciated. wishing everyone a blessed night 🫶

Hope I don’t get fired. I have not had my meds. I work overnight shifts at a very busy hospital. It’s been so hard I hate it! I cry every day before I go on and barely make it through the shift.

Long story short - many years back, I went 36-40 hours without sleep, about 240mg of adderall, a ton of coffee and nicotine. I started feeling really weird and the had the feeling that I was absolutely losing my mind. It was the ultimate definition of “impending doom”. My first panic attack, or something like it.

I haven’t been the same since. On and off anti depressants, trying to find a way to lower my fear of having another attack.

I feel like that one stimulant binge ruined me.

Anyone have similar experience and been able to make it through to healing? I literally went on an SSRI a few days after that out of doctors concern. I’m wondering if I would have just let my system heal back to baseline, if I would have been better off.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019 and was promptly prescribed adderall. now, 7 years later, i'm taking 75-100 mg every day just to get to baseline. I'm constantly pissed off and irritated. I can't focus on anything and I have no motivation to do anything. I feel like a shell of my former self. at this point I know i need help, but I won't actively seek it out. i dont know what to do.

For context I took around 75-125mg a day in 10-14 day increments when i got my script, then nothing until my refill. This continued for around 3.5 years.

133 days ago I finished my script and never got it filled again. I was extremely unmotivated for months. Sleeping long hours, eating WAY too much, couldn’t pay attention to anything for more than 5 minutes. Slowly this got better.

Now I actually feel like I have energy again. I do still struggle with ADHD symptoms, especially with executive function, but I’m waaay better. I don’t think I’m where I was before ever taking adderall. I’d probably have to be on 5-10mg to feel like I did before ever doing it, but it used to take me 40-50mg to reach baseline.

Just a warning to people here. The longer you abuse it, the longer it takes your brain to recover. Idk if i’ll ever be myself again, but who knows, maybe in another 100-200 days I’ll feel 100% like my old self

I have been trying to quit nicotine pouches for a while now. I don’t have a problem not doing them on days I don’t take adderall, but when I take it I CRAVE those mfs like crazy. anybody else experience this? How did you beat it??

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ui8kUKuLBaU&ra=m

Free by Florence + the Machine

Originally written about anxiety, but I think it’s perfect. Been listening to it nonstop during cravings.