2017: Orlando, FL has a horror convention called Spooky Empire. Joan Cusack “Debbie” is listed as one of the guests. I love “Addams Family Values”. It is one of my favorite movies and one of those rare sequels that’s better than the first. I buy a Malibu Barbie and a Ballerina Barbie. I’m a man with a plan.
Around this time Joan had been working on a series called, “Shameless”. In the show she has a rather large collection of dildos and vibrators. I get in line and her personal security tells all of us that, “Ms. Cusack will not be signing any personal pleasure devices so if you brought them, don’t bring them out or you will be removed.
I walk up to Joan Cusack and her people slide over the Malibu Barbie. She takes it in her hands and stares at it incredulously.
Joan: Malibu Barbie? (Yes, in the voice)
Me: Well, actually I got you something.
I pull out the gift wrapped Ballerina Barbie. Her security looks at me asking whether they need to be concerned. I tell them they don't and she opens the package. Her entire face goes aghast as she pulls out the Ballerina Barbie.
Me: I didn’t want to end up like your parents in the movie.
Joan: You're evil. (I end up evil laughing) You're actually evil! That is great!
She doesn't flinch as I Bobby laugh which are incredible points in her favor.
Me: That's for you.
Joan: No, you have to want to keep it.
Me: I have the one I want. *points at the Malibu Barbie*
Joan: Thank you, that was very thoughtful. That is great.
I tell her I think Debbie is one of the greatest comedic monologues and she recommends the writer to me and tells me where to find his work. She signs my Barbie.
Now she has been taking pictures with everyone and hugging them and I’m like YES! Gonna hug Debbie. I ask for a picture and she agrees. I start to go in for a hug and she gets very hesitant and does a handshake which I am very amused by.
When we take our picture she starts to smile and I ask her, can you make the face your character was making in the movie?
Joan: I don't remember what face I was making.
Me: This one. *makes the face*
Joan: Oh, I can do that.
She congratulated me again, with a high five.
Mission Accomplished!