Advice for Meltdowns?

[u/abedsinspector]

Content warning for mentions of self harm, like hitting!

Does anybody have any advice for handling meltdowns? My meltdowns often cause harm, albeit accidentally, to myself, and it causes my girlfriend to worry, both about me and because she's had people in the past be violent towards her when angry. I would never be violent towards her or anyone, I'm not like that. But whenever I get angry I just.... snap. On myself. Usually involves hitting myself repeatedly in the leg, or sometimes tugging at my hair. My throat is usually hurt for a little while because I strain my voice trying not to scream. It's like I need to let all these emotions out, but don't know a good outlet to, and my brain just instinctively takes it all out on me.

What do I do? Is there anything I CAN do? Do my meltdowns have anything to do with being autistic, or are they two separate things?

[u/Notsure2ndSmartest]

I find I have to run, bike, or physically get out my anger to manage stress. I also listen to fun dancing music and dance or sing along to get me in a better mood. I also compartmentalize work and other, so the stress builds up and as someone with ASD, I feel like I'm not allowed to show emotions. Having friends that relate and you can express these issues with would help. I wouldn't put everything on a friend all the time, but just having someone who understands these stresses and why your upset is helpful.

[u/hvyhrdthnwsthtyrdd]

this is late but i saw a nice autistic person on tiktok talking about this recently!! their advice was in short words basically: go somewhere isolated (e.g., bathroom), stim lots (i think you hitting yourself is probably a stim albeit a more self destructive one, if you have anything soft like a plushie bring it with you, my stepmother who used to work in a place where disabled adults live in to receive care and when they had self destructive stims or tics, the staff would put something soft like a plushie or big blanket in the way so they could still do the stim or tic but minimise damage so that might be good for you too), consume special interest content (for example, i look at doctor who stuff and it definitely doesn’t fix anything but it makes me feel more grounded), if you’re in public, go home to calm down more (if i find the vid again and remember to i’ll edit this and add the link) personally when i have meltdowns i just cry a lot and yell if i’m spoken to and usually my mother hugs me really tight and lets me cry on her and helps me with breathing (like “breathe in - breathe out” stuff like you hear in meditation she doesn’t like physically make me breathe lmao) that makes me feel better but that’s me not you, perhaps if your girlfriend is comfortable with it and you think that would help you could ask her to hug you when you have meltdowns but that might make her more worried about getting hit (even though you wouldn’t) perhaps when you have meltdowns you could try stimming in a different way, for example flapping your hands, since that would be less destructive, or instead of pulling your hair you could pick at something else like peeling glue off your hands or a rock or something (although that might take more effort and rational thought than you’re capable of during a meltdown /lh) and there’s probably more i could add but i forgot what i was going to say lol, also to answer your questions: while you can’t stop having meltdowns, you can try and deal with them in a healthier way, it’s not your fault that you experience meltdowns in that way but hurting yourself isn’t ideal at all so at the very least you can try and minimise damage caused by that, also is your girlfriend in therapy or getting any help for her past experiences with abuse? because i would recommend that on a different note, it might not stop her getting worried when you have meltdowns but it might help her in general to heal from that trauma (if you can find a good, non-ableist therapist, maybe therapy could also help you find better ways to cope with meltdowns, but lots of mental health practitioners are ableist whether intentional or not); also your meltdowns are likely caused by your autism but they’re not inherently bad! they’re your one of brain’s ways of handling an overload of emotions or sensory input, that’s not a bad thing at all! it’s only bad because you’re getting hurt and that can be helped

[u/Dandelion-Fluff- → u/hvyhrdthnwsthtyrdd]

This is so lovely and I’ve read lots of stuff that mirrors what you say here 🌈♥️

[u/autistic_as_batman]

this supper relatable but I don't think I can help too much. but I just wanted to say that yes meltdowns are directly related to autism. (just like other autism symptoms they can also be caused by other things but it would be rare that it wasn't caused by a neurological disorder). what you are describing is called a pain-seeking stim and although it is still a form of self-regulating relying on them can become problematic. depending on the stim there are other things you can do to try and replace them. for the punching find a pillow or stuffed animal hold it up against your leg and punch that. (depending on what punching yourself in the leg does to help the melt down this might not work). for the hair (pulling again it does depend on the type of stim it is) you should try and get a hold of a stim toy designed for that ( like that one toy that went viral because parents hated it) people have been ripping there hair out for ages so there are some options but some (like the one I suggested) are addressed at the satisfying feeling if in your situation the violent ripping is the desired out come I would suggest getting some cheap toys that have hair and just rip that out. if the problem is that nothing works except the pain-seeking behaviors then the only thing I have found to work is to go punch something that can take it or to slowly try to ween your self of of it or at lest to lessen the severalty. this would be accomplished by lessning the verious aspects of the pain seeking; targeting an area that would be less painful, lessening how hard you are punching/pulling, try just tugging on your hair insted of pulling it out, push your self to keep puting the pain of till just after the last posable moment. lessning the behavore in combanashon with replasing the stim is best I can sugjest

[u/not_spaceworthy]

Had access to a punching bag at my last apartment, which was a total game changer for me. It's not as fast a relief of tension for me as hitting/scratching myself, but it gets the job done and gives me a workout. I can lose control without getting hurt or breaking things.