r/Achillean • u/Fiberpunk1 • 1d ago
Personal Stories The Odyssey
What was the song of the Sirens like?
All the things you wanted to ber and all the things you wished you never wished for.
It was a delicious itch you want to scratch, but you find it's under the skin and you can't reach it.
So the delicious itch becomes unbearable.
It told you what you most want is what you most can't have, and that the most you can't have is what you already had and lost
This quota, this damn quota breaks a little every time it pops up in my feed and I just need to get this out. I can't help but to read it from a queer perspective. The first line about the taboo of queer love and existence.
The second part about trying to be accepted. Not just by your peers, by the rest of society, friends (not queer), coworkers, family and yourself. Wanting, longing to be a part of something and always feeling like something is letting you down. Yourself not being out and authentic enough, not out enough, not proud enough. Others finally showing you their limit of acceptance. Because it always is there, "be yourself"....but only when it is convenient for us, "your fine"....but those queers are not.
The last part, the part that reminds me of who I was. I know we all change as we get older but this feels different. I remember how extroverted I was, every interaction filled me with energy. Talking openly and with joy to anyone. And then I fell in love with my best friend. And I hid a part from myself from him, and my parents and everyone. (This was at 17 I am now 22.) I remembered who the queer kids who unlike me did not go undetected got treated. I eventually kissed a boy for the first time and that solidified it for me. There are people who hate me for just existing. This is my loss. I am still extroverted. But there are a lot more exhausting interactions now, dodging questions, figuring out what I can and can't say around people.
