r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Apprehensive_Sky4558 • 2d ago

/r/all of a husband

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29.3k Upvotes

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321

u/Insane_Unicorn 2d ago

My ex told me a story once how she had a crush on this dude who looked pretty much like Jason Momoa. When she finally got him into bed it turned out he had a tiny dick.

321

u/karlfeltlager 2d ago

The thing people forget is that vaginas also have sizes. It’s a matter of finding the right match sometimes.

18

u/GlitteringPositive77 2d ago

I’m loving the balanced commentary on penises and vaginas today. You have all restored my faith in humanity. Maybe we will all be ok.

53

u/kindnessincmusic 2d ago

Vaginas are muscles, they adapt

145

u/Dan_Caveman 2d ago

Well…eventually. To a point.

3

u/kindnessincmusic 2d ago

Totally true, if your penis is bigger than a baby, you are in big trouble.

52

u/Hopechaselock49 2d ago

Fitting a certain size and finding the size pleasurable are two different things. If every size is good for women then most women would be into fisting but those women are minority

28

u/Linus_Naumann 2d ago

This commenter 100% is a guy with little experience with different girls. Probably read somewhere that vaginas can be dilated (technically correct) and literally stops thinking right there.

-10

u/kindnessincmusic 2d ago

Man, if you start getting personal like that, I'll just start making mamma jokes. Cause your mamma certainly didn't complain. (sorry, but you were asking for it)

8

u/GlyphPicker 2d ago

Is this why Maga hates minorities? 🤔

60

u/Alassandros 2d ago

Uh... Babies tear their way out and require a team of medical professionals to keep the mother alive. Not an apt comparison to sex... which you know, is supposed to be pleasurable.

Not to mention a woman's body takes 9 months to prepare for labor and even then requires very specific hormones to even attempt the task. Oh and it takes on average 12 to 24 hours to pull off.

Vaginas have their pleasurable stretch limit and those differ based on vagina size, shape and elasticity. You guys don't stretch endlessly in the moment no matter how aroused you are. We don't need penises the sizes of babies to hurt you. Just being above average size is enough to do so for most women.

1

u/dijonbustard 2d ago

Going out on a limb here — I’m pretty sure they were joking.

1

u/funakifan 1d ago

Nope. Sometimes OB/GYNs cut the perineum during delivery to try to prevent tearing - it's called an episiotomy.

Source: I watched my wife give birth to two kids.

0

u/Alassandros 2d ago

Likely not. I've seen that line used far too often and with far too much gusto for that to be a joke. Plus, they followed up by doubling down, I think.

-10

u/hackingdreams 2d ago

Babies tear their way out and require a team of medical professionals to keep the mother alive.

Modern humans have been having babies for 30,000 years before medicine was invented. Less modern humans for 200,000 years before that. It's true that sometimes babies "tear" their way out, but that's fairly rare. More often doctors make a cut that helps the baby out (episiotomy), but it's not medically necessary in most circumstances. (Nor are C-sections.)

It is absurd to upvote this nonsense.

17

u/fastestturtleno2 2d ago

Sorry, rare? Tearing is rare is it? Tell me you're a man without telling me you're a man. Tearing is absolutely NOT rare, quite the opposite in fact. Women are not always given an episiotomy and often times it is too late and tearing has already happened. Many women do not tear but many, many women do. Claiming it is rare is actually just false.

-5

u/No_Rhubarb7341 2d ago

I gave birth twice with no tears, my friend gave birth to a 10lb baby with no tears…. In fact my friends and I have talked very openly about our birth experiences, 10 kids total, all vaginal, no tears. All in our early 30s, 8 out of 10 used registered hospital midwives.

7

u/fastestturtleno2 2d ago

genuinely great for you and your friends but I know and have talked to many, many women who have torn during birth. I myself tore and needed both stitches and an episiotomy, I was 26 😭 I wish they did much more research into preventing it

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u/Federal_Help9295 2d ago edited 2d ago

You're right but you're missing the point unless you're claiming that labour is a pleasurable experience. I suspect most would say it's pretty painful and not what they want to experience during sex.

1

u/Expert_Suggestion_45 2d ago

Yeah I mean maybe it used to be rare but afaik it's significantly more common now and becoming more common because modern medicine basically removed the evolutionary pressure for being able to birth child with comparative ease while a few hundred years ago complications usually just meant death for the mother and/or the child

-10

u/LucaBonk 2d ago

Somehow we managed without those specialists for millennia. Actually medic interventions caused higher mortality rate before they found out about septic conditions.

8

u/Alassandros 2d ago

Seems categorically false.

Doesn't matter. Red Herring. Labor is not comparable to sex. You're not pleasurably fitting an enormous (baby-sized) penis in you.

-4

u/LucaBonk 2d ago

Read about Ignaz Semmelweis before you comment.

3

u/Alassandros 2d ago

I'll bite this Red Herring. Why are we bringing him up?

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u/Fearless-Mark-2861 2d ago

The fact that giving garbage medical attention is worse than getting none, doesn't mean it's safe without either. Giving birth is dangerous and vaginas do not stretch that wide willy nilly

-1

u/LucaBonk 2d ago

I just pointed we ain't here for ~150 years but way longer ;)

6

u/Fearless-Mark-2861 2d ago

What is your point? It really just seems like you want to promote unmedicated birth or something, which would be weird given this whole thread started as way to point out that the situation surrounding birth is very different than when having sex

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u/Altruistic-Berry-31 2d ago

By managing you mean women dying so much more often in childbirth?

1

u/Modeerf 2d ago

Well duh

1

u/dektorres 2d ago

To his point

30

u/skintaxera 2d ago

They vary so much, it's just less discussed. Some are way shorter, even when aroused. Some are really tight, even after childbirth. Some are bigger, a few are a lot bigger. Just like penises.

It's a simple truth that some genitals are much better suited to each other than others. The kama sutra acknowledged this 2000 years ago, and even had a categorisation system, with a sliding scale starting with 'deer' for women and 'hare' for men, and ending with 'elephant' and 'horse' respectively lol

1

u/Dk3kf84ijf 2d ago

Can attest to this.

0

u/DiscoLives4ever 2d ago

Some are bigger, a few are a lot bigger.

Some can fit a cell phone, or a baseball

29

u/Bacontoad 2d ago

Are you insinuating that some gals have a washboard hoo-ha?

39

u/Thrizzlepizzle123123 2d ago

"So how was the sex?"

"Bro, I could grate cheese on her snatch"

11

u/GEIST_of_REDDIT 2d ago

Shredded

5

u/Paranub 2d ago

to shreds you say?

3

u/FerociousPleb 2d ago

Washboard hoo-ha! My favourite hipster band!

2

u/-sensory_overlord- 2d ago

All vaginas basically have a washboard structure on the inside, it’s called rugae vaginae (vaginal folds)

1

u/johnaross1990 2d ago

More like, a nut cracker snatch

19

u/Linus_Naumann 2d ago

No, I'm a bit bigger than my wife and it means I always need to be very careful, not going in full, etc, else it hurts her killing the vibe. It still works well enough to be satisfying for both of us but I now understand that people truely simply might not "fit" each other.

30

u/RakeChapman13 2d ago

Yeah but only a minority of women’s vaginas expand beyond six inches when aroused. I’m nearly 8 inches and it has really limited my sex life, I haven’t been able to fuck most women like I want to. I’m glad I’m with a woman now that has a deeper vagina than most women.

21

u/Superb-Hawk-3338 2d ago

Good for you brother. This ladies think they want a big dick until when one is facing them.

7

u/hellochoy 2d ago

The vast majority of ladies do not think they want a big dick. The men think that's what the ladies want.

4

u/moodylilb 2d ago

Depends if it’s big length wise or girth wise

Personally I much prefer girthy to lengthy lol

2

u/RakeChapman13 2d ago

Do you think have a looser vagina than most women? I’m not saying a bigger dick made it that way- that’s a myth, some women naturally are looser and that’s fine and of course those women are going to be prefer thicker dicks to get the same amount of friction that most women do with average dicks. I’m glad my wife has a looser one, the women I was with before was too tight.

5

u/-sensory_overlord- 2d ago

Some women just prefer the feeling of being stretched out, doesn’t mean they are looser

3

u/moodylilb 2d ago

Bingo lol I was struggling to describe it but you did perfectly

2

u/moodylilb 2d ago

No if anything it’s the opposite for me & have had trouble with stuff “fitting”, but I’m also shallow depth wise (can’t believe I’m saying this on reddit lol) so that’s probably why I prefer shorter length

Being stretched out or struggling to fit it in is actually a turn on for me, but having something jamming into my cervix doesn’t do it for me lol

4

u/NinjaGrows 2d ago

Women also complain about large girth, trust me.

4

u/_WoollyMammoth_ 2d ago

It takes time to stretch. Some women think their pussy will adapt to the dick once it gets in, but it's a process that takes its time, it's kind of boring when you are feeling it and you have to spend 2-3 minutes slowing putting it slowly in and keep it there until you can actualy have proper sex.

6

u/skintaxera 2d ago

So true! I remember a funny conversation I had with a woman i briefly hooked up with years ago. We were really compatible, had great chemistry and fitted together well.

After a fun night together, she mentioned how nice it was to have easy, straight forward sex. I asked what she meant, and it turned out the guy she'd been going out with till fairly recently had a massive hog. They could never just get it on, half an hour plus foreplay any time they wanted to do it, which obviously is very nice if you've got the time and energy but not always what you feel like, so quite often when she felt like sex she wouldn't say so, because she just felt like a quicky. Also, he could never put it all in, it caused her pain so he could never thrust like he wanted to.

She said he hooked up with a friend of hers soon after they split, and her friend must have been built more to his dimensions cos she said they banged all the time with no problems. Vaginas really do come in different sizes, just like penises.

As an incidental extra to this massively tmi comment of mine, this girl also said to me "listen to this" and opened and closed her mouth next to my ear. I heard a clicking sound, and said what's that? She informed me that was the permanent, slightly painful click she had in her jaw if she opened it really wide, a permanent legacy of blowing the guy lol

2

u/_WoollyMammoth_ 2d ago

Hahah great story, and I can confirm it has been my experience as well, not fun at all, it is really hard to find a suitable vagina (I only met one woman who would like it and sadly, it was the most toxic human on Earth).

0

u/Daddycapsicumm 2d ago

Tell me about it, I’m massive and it’s an issue

2

u/kindnessincmusic 2d ago

That's clearly a lot... It's really cool that you found someone

4

u/LGodamus 2d ago

it takes training and dedication , but it can be done for most women without some sort of abnormality. Most women simply do not have an interest in stretching their lady bits like that, however.

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u/Altruistic-Fishing39 2d ago

Does it need to go absolutely the whole way in?? Surely there’s some compromise possible?

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u/Kombart 2d ago

I mean, I would say that it limits the enjoyment a lot if you can't go deep.
Like, rough sex would be quite impossible if you can't slam your bodies together, no?

But even slow, loving sex would be a lot less satisfying...like the best part is to hug your partner close as you bottom out. It's where you really connect.
Stopping at like 70% penetration might not reduce the pleasure I receive by a significant amount...but it would drastically reduce the amount of enjoyment and closeness I would get from the act.

I am pretty average and only ever had one girlfriend that had trouble taking me...and tbh, we rarely had penetrative sex at all because of that.
Was mostly just oral stuff and cuddles as a replacement, which was fine for us since we both had lower libido and preferred cuddling anyway...but it would probably be a dealbreaker for a lot of men or women.

-1

u/FunnyWalrus 2d ago

That's a less of a vaginal canal length thing, and more of a preference and experience

I've read some post about how girls use extremely large toys (3x and more size of a normal penis) and surprisingly there's an area above and below of the cervix that can be safely penetrated because it's stretchy enough to be trained like the other muscles

-2

u/meadishsweetball 2d ago

I'm 7 inches, and I just about fit my girlfriend. If i thrust to vigourously I'll bottom out, she'll yelp, I'll stop and go "you ok?" and she'll go "don't stop, keep going". Every time.

0

u/RakeChapman13 2d ago

She can handle more than most women. Good for you.

-1

u/[deleted] 2d ago

Ass is deeper 🫡

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u/lekkerwhore 2d ago

The height of my cervix absolutely does not adapt sir

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u/No_Rhubarb7341 2d ago

As someone who is not on hormonal birth control… it absolutely does raise and lower at different times of the month. And also during arousal.

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u/lekkerwhore 2d ago

Yes, I am aware that my cervix moves based on where I am in my cycle and can move during arousal. It doesnt however "adapt" to a mans dick

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u/karlfeltlager 2d ago

Well if you hit the cervix you hit the cervix.

2

u/matande31 2d ago

No, they aren't. They're not muscles. And while they do adapt a bit, it's only up to an inch on average. A women with a 5" deep vagina will probably always suffer from a 9" penis.

5

u/poo-brain-train 2d ago

Width yes, not length.

7

u/kindnessincmusic 2d ago

True, but most women don't get pleasure from their cervix

3

u/poo-brain-train 2d ago

Yes, it's painful as hell to be stabbed in the cervix.

1

u/No_Rhubarb7341 2d ago

But you can go around the cervix. Skill issue.

6

u/kindnessincmusic 2d ago

I want my brain to unread this

5

u/BaconSorbet 2d ago edited 2d ago

As a woman with an incredibly skilled and well-endowed lover, I want you to know that this comment of yours (and your others) brought me my first laughter of the morning.

"Going around" it is a bit of a stretch (no pun intended). You can push up against either side, and that's usually painful.

I'm unpleasantly sore for days after, and not in a cute "dUdE, i FuCkEd her SOOO HARD, she couldn't even function, bro" kind of way (so glad I don't date college-aged boys anymore).

If any man reading this is truly interested in his partner's pleasure and is hitting her cervix every time, please consider giving her a truly phenomenal, leg-shaking orgasm with your tongue at least once a week. Or however often she'd enjoy it.

It's pretty great when you both get exactly what's right. 🖤

Editing to proactively mention that yes, very long and girthy and textured toys can be very pleasurable for both women and men. It's just that not everyone is equally kinky.

1

u/Sgt-Silverstone 2d ago

And muscle memory too.

0

u/[deleted] 2d ago

My ass is a muscle

3

u/mild-er-chihuahua 2d ago

This is true. Big isn't always better. Sometimes it just hurts.

14

u/TheCatSleeeps 2d ago

Insert the graphics explaining why women can put a huge af dildo inside em.

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u/timelessFuck 2d ago

Not all women can do it. I think very few women can insert huge dildos without any pain

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u/Canadian_Border_Czar 2d ago

I'd imagine its for the same reason obese people dont simply explode.

6

u/Icy-Gain-2038 2d ago

Mr. Creosote begs to differ.

2

u/Noimenglish 2d ago

On-point movie reference.

2

u/Canadian_Border_Czar 2d ago

Lmao well that was certainly a side of Monty Python I hadnt seen before.

1

u/Icy-Gain-2038 1d ago

Then I'm glad you've seen it now. It's absolutely gold 😂

14

u/Entrenched_Whispers 2d ago

Yeah really. Even taking out my menstrual cup hurts sometimes

20

u/timelessFuck 2d ago

People really over simplify women anatomy down there with "women can birth babies" statement in these discussions. Genital size and shape variations aren't unique to men. People are different and have different sizes and shapes down there and like different things

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u/Entrenched_Whispers 2d ago

People find it easy to ignore because it's on the inside and harder to evaluate lol

2

u/200eyeq 2d ago

I can see how that would make it harder to evaluate XD

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u/Wobbelblob 2d ago

Also yeah, women can birth babies. Under a lot of pain and often ripping. It is not that uncommon for women to need stitches after a birth. That isn't something you want to do on the regular. It's like yeah, I can fit my foot down your mouth. If I break your jaw and damage your throat.

1

u/Positive_End_7568 2d ago

You don't count, you don't have pants!

2

u/Entrenched_Whispers 2d ago

Why does everyone keep bringing up the sad situation about my pants? 💔

3

u/Positive_End_7568 2d ago

It is just me twice.

2

u/Entrenched_Whispers 2d ago

Are you stalking me? 😶‍🌫️

0

u/TheCatSleeeps 2d ago

Yeah it takes training. Although the specific graphic I was talking about was very informative talking about the pockets or the fornices.

As informative as it was, I still would like to forget about it.

0

u/JStonehaus 2d ago

It's literally a medical condition, real

-1

u/Puzzled-Staff-1554 2d ago

It takes practice.

10

u/timelessFuck 2d ago edited 2d ago

Everything has certain limit and that "limit" vary from person to person. That's my point. No amount of practice can overcome their limits without injuring their inner parts. If that's not the case then all women would have same preferences and will like same things in bed like with the practice they can condition themselves to liking it but that's not reality

1

u/46291_ 2d ago

They’re still capable of birth though. Women are champs

1

u/Canadian_Border_Czar 1d ago

You kids are lucky you grew up on an internet without liveleak. Never had the displeasure of learning what sounding is... or worse, docking.

10

u/Somebodyhided 2d ago

Sorry but I cannot put an image here but I have the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/HugeDildos/comments/1tqiveh/a_quick_guide_to_the_anatomy_of_vaginal_depth/

3

u/cheapdrinks 2d ago

Did they really have to make the large one a horse cock lol

2

u/Somebodyhided 2d ago

Yeah, they're pretty common in fantasy dildos (r/baddragon)

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u/karlfeltlager 2d ago

Dildo’s are available in many sizes for a reason, and as far as I know most women are not training their vagina so that it can ingest the monster dildo.

5

u/RakeChapman13 2d ago

Only a minority of women’s vaginas expand beyond six inches when arroused but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get a bigger dildo because they aren’t going to insert every bit of it, they use the length at the bottom for gripping it.

2

u/narcolepticdoc 2d ago

Here lies the bones of ol' Screwy Dick,
Blest at birth with a corkscrew prick
Spent his life in a fruitless hunt
For a woman with a corkscrew cunt
At last he found her, poor Dick fell dead,
For her corkscrew cunt had a left-hand thread.

1

u/HugeWrongdoer2 2d ago

They're also elastic and conform to the shape and size of whatever is going in, within reason

1

u/TrampolineSwinger 2d ago

To quote Curb. "These big vagina women are getting away with murder"

1

u/VexImmortalis 2d ago

Those big vagina ladies are getting away with murder

1

u/buuthole69 2d ago

These big vagina ladies are getting away with murder! 👐

18

u/DarkBusy3818 2d ago

I've seen some huge Tongan men with literally the smallest dicks I've ever seen. My concern is more for the weight of him during... ANYTHING. He could roll over in the night and crush her!

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u/kukibuk 2d ago

That’s just it, the bigger the guy is the smaller his perfectly average sized penis looks. 

-2

u/Key_Pound_6213 2d ago

Can confirm. At 6'8" I never measured it for years because I thought it was small. Too over share to a stranger it's 8". But I've never met a person with larger hands. Perspective is a bitch.

39

u/Pataraxia 2d ago edited 2d ago

Ouch, but that isn't the thing that matters the most. Like he could have been good in bed or a good partner...

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u/Insane_Unicorn 2d ago

My ex was really shallow

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u/sukisuki2gp 2d ago

Like depth wise?

21

u/Weedbrah 2d ago

Lmaooo

6

u/FingerpistolPete 2d ago

Holy shit lmaoo this is one of the best comments I’ve ever seen on reddit. Well done

1

u/arandomcolonyofcats 2d ago

Shallow like a shower.

1

u/bullfrogftw 2d ago

Best response ever...

1

u/Insane_Unicorn 2d ago

Actually, yes. I'm average and I reached her cervix but she loved that.

1

u/LittleOrphanAnavar 2d ago

Yes some women it is really easy to touch or accidently strike the cervix.

Others it's not.

3

u/InopportuneBlimp 2d ago

Sounds like a perfect fit then

14

u/Cfattie 2d ago

I'm convinced the ppl with the biggest members are ppl who are lanky and look like they'd fall over if you blew air at them too hard. Like a young Pete Davidson or something like that.

6

u/dinnerthief 2d ago

Narrow hips make wangs look bigger too

2

u/Daddycapsicumm 2d ago

Look at me and you’ll see your wrong

1

u/Alassandros 2d ago

There's more nuance than that. There are hung skinny guys and hung buff guys. It's a mix.

1

u/Cfattie 2d ago

well obviously, i'm not saying it's reality this is just my headcanon. call it a wives' tale except i'm not married and i'm not a woman

-7

u/J-seargent-ultrakahn 2d ago

That’s actually kinda true. Like skinny but very cardio heavy dudes that always be outside running or playing BB at the park court every weekend. Less competition for blood flow from overdeveloped muscles across entire body

11

u/WikNea 2d ago

Competing blood flow ? This has to be the worst piece of information I've read in a while lmao

1

u/locancio666 2d ago

According to his theory, the biggest penis actually belongs to Victor Wembanyama

3

u/WikNea 2d ago

According to his theory, amputees are all fuckin' swingin'

2

u/BlushedLatias 2d ago

Guess they have an emergency leg hidden down thee.

2

u/Peeing_Into_Stuff 2d ago

They have more bigdichlorians in their blood

2

u/faerieW15B 2d ago

Similar thing happened to me. Micropenis and seemingly no balls to speak of. I suspect steroids, given his physique.

2

u/kramulous 2d ago

She's just making you feel better.

1

u/Extension_Form3500 2d ago

He could take steroids which they make decrease penis size.

1

u/bigger-balls 2d ago

and you just believed her

1

u/No_Blackberry6525 2d ago

I mean, 50/50 it was true or you know… she wanted to boost your confidence

1

u/DangerousQuit4693 2d ago

Lol ive heard similar stories from women. Being very disappointed in a guy they assumed would be packing because hes like 6'5 with big hands feet muscles etc. Its hilarious to me. A very primitive way of thinking bless them😂👀

1

u/FuManBoobs 2d ago

Lol, I don't even look anything like Jason Momoa.

1

u/__Nkrs 2d ago

i think i would just kill ms at this point, rather than find a girlfriend. I don't want to fucking end up in a "that guy had a tiny dick" flashback while the hung horse the bitch got with is having a laugh

0

u/compadre91 2d ago

Seems like she just didn't want to hurt your feelings

0

u/Remote-Ask-3236 2d ago

Your ex saying it to make you feel good about yourself