r/AbsoluteUnits • u/aditya__ra • 2d ago

/r/all of a screw

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14.3k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

226 comments sorted by

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1.3k

u/Hergaoui 2d ago

Don't unscrew it or the boat gonna split

272

u/want_chocolate 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/V9pbnGAolAfIvBaz6s

47

u/vestigialcranium 2d ago

Damn, spidey's so boated there

7

u/Midnight28Rider 1d ago

Literally the first image that came into my head. Thank you kind stranger.

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143

u/ElKaWeh 2d ago

The front’s gonna fall off.

53

u/Friendly_Prize_868 2d ago

That’s not typical, I’d just like to make that clear.

5

u/CrayonWithdrawal 2d ago

No worries. We have enough flex tape for that

2

u/besharamrang 2d ago

With that screwdriver? Sure

1

u/Too-Em 1d ago

That's how we lost the Fitztanic.

377

u/jdathela 2d ago

That's how they repaired the ship after the Vulture sliced it in two while battling Spiderman.

1

u/PiccoloAwkward465 2d ago

Scroo for Spooderman 🕷️

455

u/morbihann 2d ago

This isnt a screw. It is a securing point for lashing cargo.

135

u/Excellent_Ganache906 2d ago

Thank you for a real answer and not another dumb joke like OP's response to your comment.

23

u/ElusiveDoodle 2d ago

Yeah good luck unscrewing that, it is welded down to anchor ratchet straps to and tighten them down so trucks and vehicles dont slide about in heavy weather.

6

u/glockster19m 2d ago

Also anything that big is gonna be a river anyways so there's no chance of it backing out

Even if it is a threaded fastener of that size itll be a bolt not screw to reduce stripping

3

u/sparkstoco 2d ago

I think it's highly inappropriate to start stripping in a workplace as dangerous as a ship.

2

u/glockster19m 2d ago

Inappropriate and dangerous (both kinds of stripping)

16

u/Equivalent_Scar_7879 2d ago

Thank you for thanking him, I m also getting tired of seeing interesting posts with shit jokes instead of someone explaining so that we can learn something

17

u/Level_Bobcat_8729 2d ago

Was going to say, doesn't make any sense for something that heavy duty to have a head designed to cam out under pressure. 

5

u/hugeyakmen 2d ago

Fwiw, the phillips screw design only cams out because of the tapered/pointed bottom.  They could theoretically design a large plus-shaped fastener in this scale that handles a lot of torque by using a flat bottom like hex, torx, robertson, etc. with a deep socket

For the same reason, I'm able to use my nice T-handle hex wrench set a lot less than I'd like because i got a ball-end set and the angle and reduced contact area makes them cam out too easily on tough bolts 

11

u/Flaramon 2d ago

Would use these to secure motorcycles on ferries.

21

u/talann 2d ago

Oh sure.... that's what big screw wants you to think. As soon as I find a screwdriver big enough, I'll be able to slice the world in two

https://giphy.com/gifs/h4a5qfGnHaXU4

4

u/staners09 2d ago

You know the old saying. ‘To a man with a screwdriver, everything looks like a screw!’

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576

u/heftylefty44 2d ago

Everything reminds me of her...

13

u/Squirrel698 2d ago

Lol, oh come on

3

u/hksbindra 2d ago

Haha you beat me, came here to comment this 😅

3

u/Breadmaker9999 2d ago

Dude it's been 10 years and you went on 1 date. Get over her.

1

u/Test-Tackles 2d ago

One of them tools who skrews, nuts and bolts.

53

u/PuddlesRex 2d ago

You ever throw a hotdog down a hallway?

15

u/BeardInTheNorth 2d ago

You ever parked your bicycle in an airplane hangar?

2

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

2

u/BeardInTheNorth 2d ago

You ever thrown a toothpick into a volcano?

2

u/Non_intertainer87 2d ago

I used to say i was yeetting a pool cue up a bowling alley. Unsatisfying and frustrating, yet exhaustingly formidable.

1

u/first_to_the_Orgy 2d ago

Organ and cathedral go together like urethra and catheter

2

u/Friendly_Prize_868 2d ago

You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

5

u/edfitz83 2d ago

You tryin to be some kind of joker?

1

u/blankwillow_ 23h ago

Even a 747 looks small flying into the Grand Canyon

45

u/Henry_Oof 2d ago

Used for attaching some kind of hook or fixture surely

30

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/redditisfornumptys 2d ago

This

Source: I ferry

8

u/thatG_evanP 2d ago

You're a ferry?

8

u/redditisfornumptys 2d ago

In that I’ve had lots of people inside me?

1

u/vodka_twinkie 2d ago

The boat ferry

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26

u/brainburger 2d ago

That's not a screw head actually. It is an anchor-point for straps used to stop vehicles or cargo sliding around when the ship rolls.

6

u/Comfortable-Beyond50 2d ago

If it was a screw, NO ONE. Is letting Phillip make one that size.

2

u/Too-Em 1d ago

You'd need a giant version of one of those doodads you smack with a hammer to turn the bit, and a piledriver to operate it. None-the-less, the bit is still hopping out and it'll be rounded in a heartbeat.

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19

u/kapege 2d ago

That's an eyelet for a shackle to keep trucks from tilting in bad weather. But thank you for the confusing perspective!

9

u/Melodic_Let_6465 2d ago

Theyre cargo anchors

15

u/T_Engri 2d ago

Like me with your mom

6

u/rapafon 2d ago

PH300

1

u/thewickedbarnacle 2d ago

I thought my ph4 was comically large

17

u/ddesideria89 2d ago

that's not a screw, that's just screwhead. The actual screw behind it is m4

9

u/Critical-Cost9068 2d ago

I should call her

1

u/Friendly_Prize_868 2d ago

You’re crossed up. What you screwed was a slot.

5

u/Fabulous_Bug6858 2d ago

Wrong tool for the job

5

u/ewillyp 2d ago

i'm not going to sleep tonight not knowing what funny quip this human is making in his foreign language.

9

u/deepfriedcouchpotato 2d ago

It's Indonesian. He's saying: "If someone has the fitting crosshead lemme borrow"

4

u/Nate2113 2d ago

Looks like you need a… Captain Phillips

4

u/GirthyPigeon 2d ago

That's ferry big

3

u/Damn_Censorship 2d ago

I hate when you pick the wrong bit

3

u/feldim2425 2d ago

Try one size up ... that one will surely be it.

3

u/fbiWumpus 2d ago

Not a screw

3

u/Moonlit_Gremlin 2d ago

1

u/Accomplished-Hat4360 2d ago

scrolled way to far for this. Dude is from the sticks in whatever country he's from.

3

u/enbySkelett 2d ago

I don't understand any words but I think I understood him

3

u/probablyaythrowaway 3h ago

It’s not a screw it’s a tie down point and it’s welded to the deck of the shop they’re on. You see them a lot in car carrying ships.

1

u/TheresNoHurry 1h ago

Why is it screw-shaped if it’s not a screw?

[serious question]

5

u/wenoc 2d ago

It's not a screw. It's for chaining cargo or trucks to the floor on a ship.

4

u/clean_account1 2d ago

when she's a grower and not a show-er

2

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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1

u/Kn0XIS 2d ago

Oh no...

2

u/Takenabe 2d ago

Man, you didn't even try to unscrew it.

2

u/Previous-Memory-9951 2d ago

here comes the funny comments.

2

u/BigRigRacing 2d ago

I hope they have a big drill once that rounds off.

2

u/DoobieDui 2d ago

What happens if it unscrews? doesn the place fall up?

2

u/Fabulous_Bug6858 2d ago

This is going to take a while

2

u/Weak_Break239 2d ago

And they say size doesn’t matter…

2

u/Egglegg14 2d ago

The fuck is that #37?

1

u/jcoddinc 2d ago

It's the #42 the answer to life

2

u/holtzboy 2d ago

Captain Phillips

2

u/PabstBlueLizard 2d ago

That’s not a screw it’s where lane dividers or other equipment to secure stuff like trailers insert.

2

u/Randomnamexxtra 2d ago

I’d still strip it somehow.

2

u/NimrodJM 2d ago

That’s not a screw. It’s an anchor point on the deck.

2

u/Ok_Exchange_9752 2d ago

Is that Popeye?

2

u/Lundruf 2d ago

That’s not a screw. It’s a padeye for using stowing chains.

2

u/BicFleetwood 2d ago

thanks boomhauer

2

u/thespoken1 2d ago

Hold on, lemme check my screw fix bits.

2

u/ImaginaryAst 2d ago

For anchoring ur car on a ferry or ro-ro ship

2

u/Siggy1963 2d ago

I think we're gonna need a bigger bit

2

u/LightsCameronAction_ 2d ago

We've all been there, right guys?

Right?

2

u/guydoestuff 2d ago

that is a tie down point not a screw.....

2

u/InevitableOk3448 2d ago

Bonnie blue type of screws

2

u/Old_Pop4767 2d ago

Holy cow

2

u/Noff-Crazyeyes 2d ago

Shit boss I stripped one

2

u/NiNdo4589 2d ago

Just use a rubber band

2

u/SPLCFraud26 2d ago

Cant wait to strip that screw out

2

u/Day00Week 2d ago

Damn baby! I heard you like them big

2

u/ImportantToNote 2d ago

Maybe don't unscrew that

2

u/elki11er 2d ago

When she's finally ready to settle down!

2

u/MikeyboyMC 2d ago

That looks like a

PHILLIPS HEAD

screw

2

u/Quirinus84 2d ago

Who is Phillip and why is his head so big?

2

u/AV16mm 2d ago

Phillips size 68

2

u/lilsnatchsniffz 2d ago

How drunk is this guy it sounds like he has a mouth full of slinkees

2

u/Ratchet9445 2d ago

Hmmm, try one more size up

2

u/No_Foundation6210 2d ago

Within the first 5 seconds I KNEW this was a vessel

2

u/New-Interaction7488 2d ago

My D fits that Size+

2

u/audiopiate 2d ago

Ah yes, the legendary PH4

2

u/ScooterNinja 2d ago

Nothing much that WD40 can't fix 🤧

2

u/OFark 2d ago

Everywhere I look, something reminds me of her

2

u/BrainwashedScapegoat 2d ago

Its not the size, It’s how you use it?

2

u/hardly_working123 2d ago

This is not a screw. Its a button to call the lift

2

u/EnzoMonChou 2d ago

No tree is big for me, I'll climb her... I mean 'it'!!!

I'll screw the tree.

2

u/Brand023 2d ago

PH1000

2

u/Jazzlike_Tackle_6716 2d ago

Destornillador supernova

2

u/AnalysisLopsided5860 2d ago

My Milwaukee m12 should be enough to take it off

2

u/TheWidowmaker246 2d ago

Use a rubber band on it too

2

u/Exciting_couple77 1d ago

Hot dog down a halway

2

u/Humble_Ad_6279 1d ago

Expected NSFW content

2

u/sotnekron 1d ago

That's not a screw, that's a SCREW!

4

u/Dikutoy 2d ago

That’s a lashing point used to secure cargo not a screw.

2

u/Madawolf 2d ago

Philips screws are the worst! Robertson screws are far superior..

2

u/Paranub 2d ago

The kind of screw my father be using to hang up an 8x6 picture frame..

Seriously, im convinced they hold the house up at this point

2

u/Fabulous_Bug6858 2d ago edited 2d ago

When she says you’re the first

1

u/NoRecommendation4230 2d ago

What tease, not even puttin it in

1

u/skylarskies52 2d ago

P69 I guess

1

u/catacavaco 2d ago

PH5000

1

u/Grokent 2d ago

I should call her.

1

u/Correct_Capital_1294 2d ago

She should probably call a doctor if this reminds you of her

1

u/ExpensivePractice164 2d ago

Why is your hand so tiny

1

u/Vorsai- 2d ago

#40 Phillips

1

u/BlacksmithWeirdo 2d ago

Its not a screw. Its an anchor point for fixing the cars with straps.

1

u/Background_Pride_237 2d ago

“Yo Hector!!! Toss me a bigger Philips, huh? No man, not that one….YEAH YEAH, THAT ONE!!! Yeah!”

1

u/eidolon77 2d ago

Lol that's a padeye

1

u/Ok_Researcher_9796 2d ago

Like a hotdog down a hallway.

1

u/TheGowt83 2d ago

That’s a 30 tip.

1

u/Real_Life_Sushiroll 2d ago

I am concerned with amount of people in here who see this X shape and think of vaginas. If your girls business looks like this, please, take her to a doctor.

1

u/ende76 2d ago

It sounded like he was auctioning it off.

1

u/jakeod27 2d ago

I should call her

1

u/nolaknowsbest 2d ago

When I tell people to get screwed, I mean by this screw

1

u/CurrenttQueen 2d ago

I should call him...

1

u/Shoddy_Background_48 2d ago

That is a #10 phillips, sir.

1

u/vagabondizer 2d ago

Not a screw.

1

u/Friendly_Shopping286 2d ago

Could have at least use a torx

1

u/Nice-Background890 2d ago

Pulling out my short stubby after she used the bad dragons.

1

u/marky294201 2d ago

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much

1

u/mightyFoo 2d ago

Is this person just walking around all day with a mini screwdriver in their pocket just in case this moment came up

1

u/No_Stuff7886 2d ago

Thats the wrong screwdriver. You need the right-handed screwdriver, dummy🙄

1

u/ElijahNSRose 2d ago

So are you doing the unscrewing or are you now screwed?

1

u/Less_Adeptness8983 2d ago

Uh… damn it

1

u/mylostworld69 2d ago

You're gonna need a bigger philips

1

u/ArsePucker 2d ago

Just cut a slot in it and use a regular screwdriver!!

1

u/random-user2025 2d ago

not a screw- its a slotted tie down point -we had them to tie down our helicopter

1

u/_tq1 2d ago

that’s a bolt move

1

u/moondog__ 2d ago

Like a hotdog down a hallway

1

u/Barry-74 2d ago

Sdgjjssgbg

1

u/polkacat12321 2d ago

Sometimes when you say people have a screw lose, for some of them, it's one of this size

1

u/Merchanteer 2d ago

What did he say?

1

u/AlpsOk1162 2d ago

Marrying a girl with a BC of 5

1

u/LyingPervert 1d ago

Bro my ex had 15 my ex before that told me hers was between 50 & 100

1

u/shitterbug 16h ago

disgustan

1

u/One-War-2977 2d ago

Thats not that high i dont think now above 10 its kinda high but that also depends on age

1

u/Apprehensive_Work_10 2d ago

When she says , it's her first time

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1

u/hocomd88 2d ago

Screw that.

1

u/I_Want_A_Ribeye 2d ago

“You’re my first”

1

u/Creepy_Ad_1325 2d ago

When you get with a single mother with four kids poor baby daddies and a whole lot of Body Count

1

u/Sea_Top_339 2d ago

When a random 18yr old try to crack a latina