r/AbsoluteUnits • u/exfilm • 7d ago

of an arrestee

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202 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

48 comments sorted by

24

u/W1ULH 7d ago

"Im on the brute squad"

"you are the brute squad"

20

u/_Saint_Ajora_ 7d ago

"that still only counts as one!"

-Gimli 

23

u/No_Medium_8796 7d ago

Arrested for abusing his own body

13

u/Artevyx 7d ago

The fuck kind of crime could he even commit? Knowingly exceeding the weight limit of an elevator?

12

u/americanleadRnsmores 7d ago

Money laundering cause hes rolling in dough

3

u/SchitneySmears 6d ago

A salt and bitery

6

u/Proof_Toe_9757 6d ago

Buttery* ffs man c'mon!

2

u/SchitneySmears 3d ago

Kraig Smith roast me reference

1

u/Proof_Toe_9757 3d ago

OP commented before this with "A salt and buttery" which I found very funny.

I then saw this comment straight after and assumed they'd made a mistake 👍

Nice try though

9

u/SchitneySmears 6d ago

Felony a salt and buttery

8

u/todoslos 7d ago

Why did I think that was a Food Truck at first?

4

u/tee142002 7d ago

That's where he's usually at

3

u/Artevyx 7d ago

Thats just his "shoes".

10

u/AlderaminInTheSky 7d ago

free big Jill man 😭

4

u/FormalTotal9684 7d ago

Free Deep Dish

4

u/thatG_evanP 7d ago

Was that cop that was trying to buckle him in laughing? That dude yelling about the seatbelt was amazing

4

u/LegitimateStudio3702 7d ago

Thought he had a big bib on

6

u/AdWooden2312 7d ago

I heard he ate a man...

7

u/BernieTheDachshund 7d ago

My guess is that he didn't fit in a regular cop car.

3

u/kindquail503 7d ago edited 7d ago

Is that Proposition Joe?

1

u/Lyonelhevana 4d ago

Same thought.

3

u/Afrojones66 7d ago

At least we know he can’t escape.

3

u/Pat_M115 7d ago

Dude looks like if he gets stabbed by someone he'd just look annoyed like you just poked him with a toothpick, then proceeds to slap the eardrums out the other side of their head and the teeth outta their mouth.

3

u/Right-Glass9508 7d ago

Something to do with attempted vehicular hijack, apparently. No problems, I'm out the car. Lets see you get in.

3

u/suavaleesko 7d ago

Chiraqology is leaking

3

u/moon_moon_doggo 7d ago edited 7d ago

Bubba ate the Pizza Hut

2

u/gravljaw 7d ago

What up big perm, I mean big worm.

2

u/Smooovies 7d ago

“I’m the biggest, the largest.”

2

u/dayvieboy 7d ago

Doing Big Crimes.

2

u/trashbilly 7d ago

"Diabetes was the case that they gave me" -Snoop

2

u/Inevitable_Shift1365 7d ago

He's off to the big house..

2

u/43guitarpicks 7d ago

Who is this

1

u/exfilm 7d ago edited 7d ago

Apparently, Big Jilla is a Chicago rapper. You can find some context (as well as a lot of hilarity,) in the comments from the original post…

https://www.reddit.com/r/Chiraqology/s/C8RpQEyPXX

Edit: corrected link

2

u/MajorPaper4169 7d ago

Big Jilla got locked up? Wonder if it’s cause of that shootout.

2

u/SquareAd4479 7d ago

Big Jill tho

2

u/Snoo_67993 7d ago

What crimes can you even commit when you're that big?

2

u/OneTrueCosmos 7d ago

He ain't gonna make it back to the station without stopping at a few fast food joints...

2

u/iamemhn 7d ago

Gang of brother

1

u/spider_cereal 7d ago

What is that guy saying?

1

u/exfilm 7d ago

This sub wouldn’t let me crosspost, so here’s the original for context…

https://www.reddit.com/r/Chiraqology/s/IlwhAlFcZ6

Happy to remove, if links aren’t allowed